Surviving on Indian Roads - Tips for the uninitiated! (The real truth behind Indian Traffic rules! Or: How I am learning to stay alive whilst dying a million deaths)

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I have only been riding my new Enfield 350cc motorcycle a couple of days now in Bhubaneswar and thought I should write down these thoughts before I become just another participant in this web of conspiracy against every ‘official’ traffic ordinance ever written into law! The latter is bound to happen to me (indeed it must for there to be any chance of survival out there at all - you sure can’t beat them so… !).

I have already broken the most important unofficial (but certainly written - see below) rule of driving in India. That is to continuously beep your horn (the louder the horn you have the better) - in fact those who have been to India can attest to the sign written on the back of every truck and every auto rickshaw and every bus…. “PLEASE SOUND HORN”! No particular reason is given - you are just asked to blow the dam thing! Anyway - the reason I am already tagged as completely mad and obviously deviant is that I have ridden about 100 km now on this bike and have only sounded my horn ONCE!! What’s wrong with me will, I am sure, be corrected in a short time as I start to see sense and hold my horn button down continuously!

However - I have done some other things which I don’t see many Indians do in the traffic - I have sworn black and blue at people, called them f@$king idiots, put my finger up at them, pointed at them shouting “don’t even think about it, mate!” and so on! Mind you - I only get smiles back - or sometimes looks of sheer astonishment - like “what are you on about anyway? This is an Indian road, isn’t it? .”

Of course this is all doing my attempts to reach Buddhist Nirvana no good at all. Each morning my meditation has a focus on noble themes like ‘being detached’, ‘friendliness’, ‘joy’, and ‘compassion’. But then again there is the ‘mindfulness’ angle of ‘observe, accept, and let it go’. So if I can at least, in respect of the realities here listed, ‘let it go’, then perhaps I still have a chance. At least I am getting a good grounding in the true meaning of ‘Maya’ when riding my bike on Indian roads.

So let’s examine the ‘musts’ of expectations and rules one should have when driving on Indian roads:

1. Just because you are traveling in a lane on the left (correct) side of the road, do NOT believe that this means any other vehicle will not be coming directly for you in that same lane - on his (or her) wrong side of the road. This is just a way of them taking a short cut from a side road (on your left) which does not have a gap in the medium strip to allow them a right turn - so what to do? Travel down the wrong side of the road until there is a gap in the medium strip, right? Logical enough! .
2. Just because YOU are the one traveling in a straight line at speed (and I should say - I don’t think doing any speed over 40 klms in Bhubaneswar is advisable!), do NOT think that you have any priority over anyone or anything (pedestrians included, and not least of all, wandering cows of course) that might come into your path of travel from a side street; from being stopped on the side of the road; or whatever.
3. Just because any vehicle is fitted with indicators and headlights - do NOT expect them to be used for any purpose whatsoever - including changing lanes, turning off the road in any direction, illuminating the road in the complete dark and so on. You see - there is a belief here that use of any electrically powered gadget (albeit from a battery that is being charged by motion), will somehow deplete or cost the life of said battery or wealth of said driver. Exception of course it is the bloody horn - but I have no explanation for that! Be very afraid when riding at night - many vehicles are actually out there playing a kind of ‘Marco Polo on the road’ game (where your blindfold is replaced by their invisibility and the words ‘Marco Polo’ are replaced by the point above re: sounding one’s horn continuously). Of course in this game you don’t try and catch the vehicle so that they are then ‘in’ - you do all you can possibly do to AVOID the said vehicle and just stay alive! A note here: the other exception to the rule about not using electrically powered vehicle features is of course the ‘fluoro’ effects that many vehicle owners have fitted to them - flashing disco lights in multi colours, including for Hindus the obligatory fluoro god display on the dashboard! (oh, and did I mention special drawn out horn ‘tunes’ that are very popular too?)
4. Just because you are turning in a very smooth pre-calculated angle through a corner, do NOT expect others to respect the line you have chosen and drive accordingly. At any time another vehicle will just cut across you or be cutting that corner coming in the opposite direction.
5. Be there markings in the middle of any road or not - and be there vehicles coming the opposite way or not - if you are a truck or a bus, you can overtake at any time. I mean, who’s gonna get in your way at that size, right?! Just because you are traveling oncoming at speed, do NOT expect you can continue to do so - you have to be ready at all times to stop, pull to the side or whatever for that monster truck or bus heading straight for you ‘because they can’!.
6. Just because the traffic lights against THEM are red, do NOT expect that THEY will not proceed in any case - right across your path.
7. Just because his or her uniform says he or she is a traffic cop, do NOT expect he or she to wield any power or influence or interest in regards to applying any road rules or pulling anyone up who is doing exactly what they want, when they want, and generally right in front of you.
8. Just because most modern vehicles are fitted with rear vision mirrors, do NOT assume that anyone uses them at all - and so do NOT assume they can see you. In most cases, cars have their mirrors folded in to protect them from being ripped off in tight traffic, and bikes have either lost theirs or removed them to keep them in mint condition under the bed at home should they ever want to sell the bike!

Getting the picture? To answer this question just think “dodgem cars” at the traveling carnival, but without the rubber buffer guards and the guy who runs around getting you out of tight spots!

HOWEVER…. amazingly, you don’t really see hardly any accidents (albeit that you yourself nearly come a cropper at every moment - and my Mum if she is reading this can just assume I am being light hearted to give the blog some extra appeal, OK?). It’s largely because Indians know the above rules very well - THEY know that anything that moves has priority over anything they are doing - that THEY must stop, swerve, slow down - whatever - to allow the other guy to do whatever wherever he or she likes. THEY know that there is no such thing as “I have the right”. It’s all about the assumption that “it’s OK, pal. Whatever you want to do now on this road I will accommodate to accordingly”.

So to recap:
1. If it’s moving, give way
2. If it’s not moving, give way
3. If it’s a truck - get the f@#k out of the way
4. If it’s a bus - ditto rule 3 above
5. If it’s anything - just get out of the way anyway to be on the safe side
6. There is no such thing as ‘the safe side’
7. Make sure your health insurance is paid up to date

I’ll get there too I suppose. And maybe I’ll stop swearing and ranting at people too (I mean it does me no good anyway!). I will learn ‘detachment’ and ‘mindfulness’ whilst riding on the road. The former may of course mean flying through the air off my bike but I hope not! I will be one of those easy going - “you do whatever you like because I have already allowed for it” kind of road users. And should there be any close shave and I am left facing the instigator face on, I will just do that little nod of the head and resume my journey. He (or she) would do the same for me I am sure!

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Photos

Do they MEAN 'crash' Course?
I might have misinterpreted this sign - but says it all really - found in Mathura in Madya Pradesh. I think I will sign up!

This is not dangerous really??
So ya think they are not into efficiency then? How much more can you fit on a truck - and SO easy to pass too!

Plenty of order and plenty of room
Road to Haridwar on a normal day!

Yes - a two lane road
Coming straight for me - but hey - onus is on me (I mean it's only my side of the road right?)

Random u -turns
This is NOT a roundabout - it's a uturn spot where traffic just pushes across the oncoming traffic to make a 180 turn - and guess who has to stop for this? Depends on the pecking order? No - even a bicycle just non-nonchalantly heads across and expects everyone to stop or slow for him/her

Here he comes!
See the guy to the right of the Autorickshaw - hey - is he coming MY way??? !!!

Were to?
This guy is saying to other bikers "has anyone seen the left side of the road going south?" . How crazy is this? Well it's all relative!!

The Auto Rickshaws!
These guys just cruise to the side of the road whenever someone needs to be picked up (they are shared transport - very cheap and efficient but they get greedy and cram up to 8 into a vehicle designed for 4). But the way they wander across your path if you are in the far left lane is very scary!

Oh and did I mention the horses?
Hmmm - just another thing to cope with!

Multi shot here...
So much here - 1. the premium on shade albeit it's on a very busy road under an overpass 2. Check the pedestrian and where he is walking! 3. Check the traffic police and their obvious due diligence to everything and 4. There's our horse again!

Wrong way buddie
Auto rickshaw this way traveling south in north bound lanes!

Comments

[jad]

Looks stressful. Just interested, how do parents of teenagers feel about them starting out on the roads? What are driving lessons like?

[Mark Takefman]

Assumptions
Paul, you make too many assumptions about driving in India. First all there are both rules of the road and there are no rules of the road. Don’t assume either. Second, you are not driving, the universe is moving around you. Third, neither you are the universe is moving, mind is moving.

[annette]

and you were surprised by all this??!!
and you were surprised by all this??!!

[Marguerite]

Send this to Lonely Planet
You make sure you stick to all those 'no rules' work here Paul................perhaps you could start up a revolutionary bike club with the 'f#ck you finger' as your patches on your jacket - oh that's right, they don't wear jackets do they. Luv the piccies and I really believe Lonely Plant would print your rules in their next India edition. Take care - Hugs from Nepal

[Ray]

Indian traffic in the cities is one thing but in the Himalyas you will have the roads to contend with and the challenge of rockslides, loose gravel made of large rocks, water crossings, snow, ice, potholes and large, stray rocks that were used to chock the wheels of broken down buses and trucks. The vehicles move on but the rocks remain. Ue the horn! your life will depend on it and the Indians will expect you to do so. It is courteous to use it. We used 500cc bikes and at the higher altitudes you may have detune your carbie and give the bike plenty of time to cool down.

[Patricia Hayward]

Sheesh
It is nerve wracking just looking at the traffic in this photo. I wonder what the casualty wards in Indian hospitals look like.

[Patricia Hayward]

Which Pedestrian?
They all look like they're suicidal!

[Patricia Hayward]

Do you have your driver's licence for India?
Or don't they worry about such trivialities?

[Patricia Hayward]

This is meant to be a divided highway, right?
And are you taking photos while YOU are driving a car? :-)

[Catherine]

Essential reading for all drivers
I suggest that a leaflet containing these rules should be handed to every "ferangi" driver. Another "rule" I've noticed after 3 months in India travelling around the country as a terrified jeep or bus passenger is that the VERY best time to overtake is when you can't see anything coming - and usually this is only the case on corners or blind summits.....