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Published: September 16th 2008
This is going to be long, really long.
Where do I start. It has been a while since I last wrote here for everyone and so much has happened. To be honest my private pencil written journal has been getting constant scribbles of passing thought, but what I might write to the outside world here has eluded me for days. Its going to be a long entry, and there are not going to be any pretty pictures to go with it (although I have taken many over the last few days). I have been dreading writing about any of this, but if I don't do it soon I most likely will not end up doing it at all, so here it goes. Usually I keep what I am really thinking, or feeling to myself and just put it in my private journal. More about the places and sights so far, I suppose I try to keep emotion out of these entries as much as possible. I dont think I will be able to do that this time.
(Before I start, let me just apologize to my parents. I lied to you guys, as I didnt want you to panic and loose sleep, or worry about me too much. In retrospect I pobably shouldn't have, but please forgive me as here you have the truth.)
I'll begin by stating that I am a Canadian. I have never really wondered or spent too much time thinking about what that really means. Other travelers, or Indians ask me where I am from, I tell them, and they reply with "nice country" if they have never been there. If they have been there then they struggle to talk about anything other than its natural beauty or its abundance of wildlife. Yes, I suppose it is a nice country. Actually, I know for a fact that its a nice country as I have spent (all going well) a third of the years I might have living there. There is little that is truly uniquely Canadian to me though; aside from a massive quantity of wide open spaces, and our usual stereotypes of freezing cold winters in igloos with nothing to do but play hockey, drink beer, eat bacon, and keep warm in our touqes. The fact that those stereotypes are mostly untrue make the things that are truly unique to Canada even fewer.
I think one of the reasons I wanted to make this trip was that at home, in Canada, I felt a bit disconnected from the rest of the world. Everything of interest for me had to be looked up through the internet, or watched on a big screen tv; ultimately to me it seemed to be presented in the form of a tiny skewed window biased by someone elses point of view. I suppose what I am trying to say is that I wanted to see what overpopulation, poverty, corruption, and some of the uglier sides of humanity really look like up close. I wanted the chance to make up my own mind about these things based on what I can actually observe myself, not what someone else observes for me. India seemed like a wonderful choice to me as it has plenty of the ugly heads I mentioned, but it also has, in a way that has made a much greater impact on me a lot of natural and man made beauty to offer, and some of the warmest and wonderful people on the planet. I wanted some perspective, so I came to India. I got a lot more than I bargained for, but in these last few days I feel like I have finally recieved a healthy dose of what I
was looking for.
Mattius and I flew in to Delhi from Leh on the 12th of September. We had basically gone through hell for three days during our trip to the Nubra valley (although I still maintain that that place is spectacular, and not to be missed), so we spent the 11th just chilling out in town and resting. We caught our flight in to Delhi at 6:50 am, and were here in town haggling for a Taxi by 9:00. I convinced him to stay at The Majors Den again, so we made our way back to Paharganj and checked in early that morning. His father comes to India quite often and has had suits tailored here before, so armed with his fathers advice about where to shop the two of us set out to get a suit tailored that day. We made our way down to Connaught place and quickly found the main Raymond's store there where we proceeded to pick out fabric, and feel like big shots as we were measured up. Incidentally, everything in India is far too small for me and in the entire store they did not have an off the shelf shirt that would even remotely fit. I had to have a couple of dress shirts made out of some fantastic, high thread count cotton for around $12.00 each. I don't have to wear suits to work, so for my pants and jacket I opted for something pretty flashy instead of something a little plainer. I went with a glossy black pinstriped, midnight blue kashmir suit. It was a touch on the expensive side, but I thought to myself "its a one time deal, your never going to be able to afford an off the shelf suit like this at home, nevermind a tailored one, go all out". I didnt realize how much of an asshole that choice would make me feel like just a few days later.
After the tailor shop the day was wearing on a bit, and after Leh's chilly fall climate the heat and humidity of Delhi were really getting to us. Both exhausted from a 3:00 am start to the day we made it back to Paharganj for some dinner at a really good resturaunt I had remembered from my first visit here. I remember that we had a couple of beers delivered to our room that evening, some good conversation, and an early night.
The morning of the 13th Mattius and I went back to the same resturaunt in Paharganj where we had had dinner the evening before. We had just ordered breakfast when I noticed a girl sitting alone in the corner, looking like she might be a bit lonely. Knowing how that can feel over here I invited her to our table and she quickly accepted. It turned out that like Mattius, Heidi was in Delhi a few days early for her flight back to Finland. There was a few things left on her list of sights to see here that coincided with ours, so we added her as a traveling companion. We spent that day checking out Hamayan's Tomb, and the Qutb Minar complex. When Mattius needed to take care of some errands that evening, Heidi and I found a rooftop resturaunt serving cold beers where she filled me in on some of the details of her trip. It turned out that she had taken the overland route here over the course of a year; traveling through Siberia, Russia, China, and Nepal. With a really great, black sense of humour similar to my own, and the ability to curse just as well as a Canadian machinist (I was convinced that she learned english in some of the shops that I used to work in) we had a great night talking and became fast friends.
The morning of the 14th Mattius and I met Heidi at the same resturaunt again, and after breakfast we all set out for Connaught place as Mattius needed to do some last minute shopping. A little later on we all made our way over to the Statesman building which is the home of Oxford books. Overlooking one of the main arteries coming into Connaught place it essentially resembles a Chapters bookstore. That may sound a little drab, but its a fantastic way to escape the Delhi heat, and with its great view, great coffee, and great selection of books its a perfect way to get a little peace and quiet in an otherwise hectic city. Mattius wanted to spend some time doing some serious book shopping as prices were about a quarter of what he would pay at home. Not wanting to buy anything, and not wanting to hang around any longer we agreed to meet back at the hotel later and Heidi and I left the bookstore. My original intention was to go back to Paharganj, but Heidi convinced me to come with her to the park which makes up the very center of Connaught place. She cited the fact that sometimes its best to do absolutely nothing, I agreed to give it a try, and we found a place in the shade.
I think we got to the park around 3:00 in the afternoon. I don't remember what specifically happened during those hours as everything about the rest of the day more or less blends together for me. We layed there in the shade for hours, talking about this and that, and watching the birds ride effortlessly overhead on the citys thermals. We did absolutely nothing, and it was the first time in months I have been that still. I remember that we spent quite a bit of time watching the sky, and our biggest concern of the afternoon was whether or not it might rain. I think it was absolutely, and exactly what I needed as we never made it back to meet Mattius at the hotel. His suit was to be ready for pick up at the tailors shop at 7:00 and I remember looking at my watch realizing that it was already 6:15. I figured that he had already left the hotel, and with the tailors shop just a short walk around the circle we figured we would stay a bit longer just meeting him there.
The first bomb went off at exactly 6:30 pm. We were debating whether the grey clouds moving in were going to bring rain at the time, and I remember processing the sound of the explosion as being only possible as thunder. I clearly remember the look on Heidi's face, and I am sure my own was the same as we both asked each other "what the hell kind of thunder was that?". We were standing up when the second bomb went off at 6:31 pm. About 60 meters from where we were standing an absolutely deafening bang, and an orange flash followed by a huge cloud of smoke rapidly started expanding. The feel of the small shockwave passing through the ground, and the blast of air that hit us left no doubt as to what had just happened. I remember Indians screaming "its an attack!".
The next three hours start to run and blend together, but I remember my actions being exceptionally calm right after the explosion. I gently grabbed Heidi by the arm and started telling her to move. We ran from the park, vaulting over heges and fences not bothering with gates. I remember how fast my mind was working at the time, thinking about a hundred things all at once, making rapid decisions. I have no experience with terrorist atacks. I had no idea what to do to be honest. Its not an earthquake, I know what to do (roughly) during an earthquake. Its not a fire, I know how to handle a fire. To be honest, I was thinking of movies like Blackhawk down when I pulled Heidi away from the buildings and archways and nearer to the center of the street, thinking that the further away from the pieces of building, and shit flying through the air we get, the better off we are. I don't know, I suppose I surprised myself actually once I had a bit of time to digest what had happened and get out of Connaught place. I certainly didnt do anything brilliant, or special. I did not help out in the aftermath, or try and be of assistance to anyone other than her and myself. In fact all I did was get the two of us the hell out of there as fast as possible. Sort of cowardly I suppose. I guess the only decent thing I feel good about was that I was more concerned about her, and Mattius, than I was about myself.
What surprised me was how well my mind worked at the time. There has only been a couple of times in my life when something that severe has happened in my life. Once when a close friend was extremely sick and I had to make some fast decisions to help, and one other time when confronted with a dangerous group of men wanting to do me harm. Both times I remember my mind working the same way, very quickly, and very efficiently. Time slowed down to a crawl and everything happened in slow motion. Those events happened a long time ago, and I have thought about them occasionally, wondering if something similar happened to me now would I be able to react the same way, or would lock up, or fold. Well, the same thing happened this time and I was able to function at a better level than normal. I remembered the map from my lonely planet photographically, which I nomally never would be able to do. I probably couldnt jump those hedges or fences without all that adreanaline. Its nothing to brag about, but I suppose I like that about myself, the fact that I can still think reasonably well when the shit hits the fan. Not that I had even the remotest clue as to what I should do, or where I should go. I was completely unprepared for what had happened. I was making decisions based on hollywood movies for christs sake.
We went to check for Mattius back at the hotel, and when he wasnt there I started to get really worried. I was hoping he had not gone to Connaught place, or that he had not taken the metro. I remember a thousand horrible thoughts going through my mind at the time, especially since the timing of when he would most likely be there directly clashed with the timing of the bombings. Heidi was extremely calm through the whole ordeal as well, but as we waited for Mattius at the hotel, and started to process what was going on in the city we both started worrying more and more. After waiting for a couple of hours we decided to leave a map, and a message for Mattius should he return to the hotel, and we went to a rooftop resturaunt with a TV where we could watch the news.
We certainly did not complain when the waiter brought us beers without our having to ask. He seemed to know what we needed (not that I am turning into an alchoholic over here or anything, honest). We watched the news in Hindi, and had our waiter translate what was unfolding for us. It turned out that there was nine bombs in total, and five of them had gone off causing injuries, and loss of life on a big scale. The four remaining were unsuccesful thank god. It was shortly after we learned the most chilling fact of the evening that Mattius strolled into the resturaunt. It turned out that one of the four remaining bombs that did not detonate was found in the trash bin directly in front of the tailors shop where we bought our suits. Five meters in front of a wall of glass Mattius was standing behind as he picked up, and was final fitted for his suit. It can't really get much closer than that.
We stayed late into the evening watching the news unfold, and drinking beer after beer. It was far later than I have ever been out at night here in India when we left. Mattius had left slightly earlier than us, so I walked Heidi to her hotel before returning to my own. I dont think anything has ever been so surreal in my life as my walk to my hotel, alone, at 2:00 am in Delhi. It was like a bizarre out of body experience once the adreanaline wore off, the exhaustion set in, and the beer started to have an effect. I didn't get much sleep that night.
Mattius left for home the following day, and I spent the next two days hanging out with Heidi. We maintained a similar schedule to our days prior to the attack, trying to not let its intent succeed and cause us to stay in our hotels or flee from the city in terror. We kept out of large markets, and away from large gatherings of people (which is almost impossible in Delhi), mostly drank coffee, read newspapers, and hung out in desserted parks. She flew home last night, leaving me once again on my own today.
My best friend at home told me I would meet people on my journey that I would spend a short time with, but would want as lifelong friends. One of the tougher things over the last two days was having two people just like that head for home. For such a horrible thing to happen, I could not have asked for two better people to have to go through it with, and I am extremely thankful for having them around.
Since then, and after the things I have seen over the last few days I think my perspective on everything has changed. Everything here seems magnified, especially the suffering, the poverty, and the hard parts to deal with in India. The trip is by no means completely scarred, but it is scarred. I am still slowly falling in love with this country, and for me the good here is always going to outweight the bad; however, the suit tailoring that started off as a rather large gift to myself, now just makes me feel like an asshole. I don't need it, I will rarely wear it, and its always going to feel like it has a bit of blood on it. The money I spent on it is more than lots of people in India make in a year, and it would have been far better given to an uncorrupt NGO where it could help people.
Oh well.... I suppose it bought me a bit of the perspective I wanted so badly.
I think I also now know more of what it is to be a Canadian. For most of us, its to have a more or less perfect, more opportunity than most, middle class life, where we really want for nothing. We only usually get to see things like this through the light and sound of television, and its usually based on someone elses experience or interpretation of it. The majority of us will never have to live this, or experience it first hand. For me, part of being a Canadian also left me pretty much dumbfounded, helpless and completely lost in a situation like this. This doesnt happen at home. Its unimaginable. Some of the Israeli guys I have talked to since the attack have said that this
does make them feel just like home. I cant imagine having to say that, and I am extremely grateful that I dont have to.
I am safe, and I am convinced that I am going to stay that way. No need for any of my family to worry, or panic. To all the people at home, be thankful that you live where you do, and that you have all of the things you have. The majority of the world does not, and on top of it, several of them have to deal with stuff like this regularly.
Vince
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Jason Smart
Extremely powerful writing. I found your blog by looking at the latest blogs released and saw yours was from Delhi. I clicked on it because I was there back in March. I almost didn't read it because of the lack of photos but I'm glad I did. The descriptions and emotions you evoke of the bombing is superb. Could've been in a book. Thank you, and oh, enjoy the rest of India!