Orchha: Upper class and tempo

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My day at Orchha involved a lot of sweating, walking around and waiting. More on that later.

First, let's finish Gwalior off. After my blog update yesterday I headed to a nice vegetarian restaurant that was in my guide book and spotted some fellow travelers. They were having a pizza... They should have had the paneer chole bathura. The best ever. The TV was also on for entertainment. I was probably the only one watching though. First there was a teenage soap opera that involved a lot of slow-motion, close-ups and faces ("Give me confusion! Give me anger! Give me love! Give me curiosity!"). It was in Hindi but the storyline was basically boy 1 likes girl, girl secretly likes boy 1, boy 2 likes girl, boy 2 now hates boy 1, quirky supporting character makes everybody laugh. I was planning on watching a bit of cricket afterwards sipping on mango juice but the game was delayed...

Back at the hotel: Surprise, surprise! There's a party going on in the hotel next to mine, outside my room. I could actually talk to the buffet guy from accross the fence. Needless to say it was loud. There was a synthesizer, a bad singer and an even worse sound system.

After a masala dosa breakfast, I took the Shatabdi Express again this morning (the "upper class" part of the title), read the Hindustan Times (Abhishek spotted in Chicago!) and got off at Jhansi. I improvised a new plan: I would check into a hotel, leave for Orchha for the afternoon and spend the early night at the hotel waiting for my night train at 2:30.

Now the fun starts. I head to the bus stand to take a tempo to Orchha. Tempos are actually like fat rickshaws. A bit larger and probably legally allowed to carry up to 5 people in Europe. I get into one that had already three people inside and sit next to Arwan (I think...). I'm fortunate he can speak English because he could tell me about what was going on: the driver is waiting until we get 10 people to leave... "In India, you need to have time, he says, not like Canada" (yes, I'm back to the Tom-the-Canadian routine). 30 minutes later, fully backed and sweating like a hog, we head off to Orchha.

Orchha is like an island as it is totally surrounded with forests. A small but agitated river runs through it and crashes against round rocky outcrops. A popular rafting spot. I'm here though for the ruins. Forts, temples and tombs. The crumbling towers seemed to pop-up in the distance from the treeline. It's a popular tourist site as busloads of German tourists could be spotted around the village.

But first: lunch. I opted for a thali at a restaurant a stone's throw away from the fort across the river. The TV was on with an old movie that was both entertaining and cinematically flawed (Continuity error! Plotholes! Questionable acting!) It kept me entertained as I waited for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages to get served. I must have been the first customer of the day.

The visit of the fort didn't start out well. A kid carrying two plastic bags, with sweets apparently, was unashamedly following me closely. Very closely. Bad-breath-over-my-shoulder closely. I approached a group of scantily-clad German girls to distract him. It worked. The Jahangir Mahal used to be majestic and luxurious. Used to be. Now it's just a very symmetrical square-shaped ruin offering some of the best photo opportunities ever. You can easily get lost (I did), hurt yourself if you miss a step (I did) and bump your head if you're taller than the average langur monkey (I did). A local guy spent the entire afternoon updating his tourist photo collection, snapping pictures of them as they walked by with his phone. It could have been discreet if he had switched the CLICK-sound off.

Around the palace, there's an other palace in even worse condition but you could still find some nicely-preserved 17th century paintings with a bit of exploring. I was the only one there, which made the palace even more ghost-like. Bad place to get lost (I did). I then spent time monkeying around with some langur monkeys. Once they started gathering and had the numbers on their side, I left.

Across the river, there's the Chatturbhurj Temple. You need to work your way through coloured powder vendors and souvenir stalls to get there but, once there, the view on the fort is great. Fun fact: wasps don't like to have their nests smashed with a stick. That's the painful lesson a guy hanging out in front of the people had to learn the hard way. Caught on tape! I showed it to his friends who can know make fun of him for days to come. The inside of the temple isn't as impressive as the exterior. The sculpted Vihara tower is a nice introduction to what Madhya Pradesh has to offer (Khajuraho tomorrow!).

A short walk down the river (or was it up the river?...) leads to the Chattris, cenotaphs of the Bundela dynasty. I got there at 4PM, just in time to see a bunch of kids involved in a celebration close to what I remember Ganesh Chaturthi to be like: people throwing coloured powder at each other and dumping a statue in the water. And lots of singing of course.

I was the last one to get inside the Chattri complex: 4 symmetrical cenotaphs around a Persian-style garden. The sun was beginning to set which made it even more beautiful. Other tombs and structures are scattered around the complex, with the river as a backdrop. The greatest views so far. The cenotaphs are swarming with wildlife: the usual squirrels, pigeons, geckos and parrots (I'd love parrots to be "usual" back home!), plus what looked like hordes of swallows and... vultures! Typical Disney-villain type vultures. Looking nasty and ill-intentioned, hanging out on the rooftops. Naturally, I just HAD TO reach the rooftops. There are secret and narrow staircases leading to the upper floors and it made me feel a bit like Indiana Jones. In fact, they were so secret that I could see another group of tourists from above looking around and leaving without finding them. Suckers!

I spent a bit of time exploring, forgetting about the time it was. It was 5:15. I was on the top of a cenotaph in the completely deserted complex, looking at bones probably left from a vulture's lunch (Gulp!). The complex closes at 5:00. Once again, it was 5:15... I race down the stairs (Ouch! The wall!) and run for the gate. Closed. Locked up. Inside a complex of ruins full of vultures. It was officially panic mode. I found someone cutting grass or something hidden around a corner and asked him what to do: "@%## *&%$!!" That didn't help me. Eventually I climbed above the complex wall and shouted at a group of people to let me out. The lock guy was still there thankfully and I could finally get out.

I went back downtown to get a tempo back to Jhansi. Half that time I was walking behind a foreign girl alone on the street. Word of advice for girls: don't wear see-through tops if you don't want attention. Lots of heads were turned. Some smiles, some stalk-like following, but mostly persistent staring. Even the monkey on the temple watched her walk by.

I knew what to expect from the tempo. As all the seats were taken I climbed inside the trunk and watched as we left Orchha and travelled on relatively good roads. It was actually comfy back there, and I had fun waving at motorcycles and cars following us, probably amazed to see me at that spot. But wait a minute, why are we stopping? More people? And a bunch of firewood? Guess where the firewood went? In the trunk, with me. So now I was waving to motorcycles and cars with a bunch of firewood in my face. There were 12 people in the tempo and the wood was using the most space.

Back to Jhansi bus station. another tempo took me to the hotel but I had to negotiate hard with the driver. After a while, a wise woman in the back said something like "Give the man a break!" and I ended up paying a fair 10 rupees.

Daily nugget: Back in Agra, as I sat to watch the England-India cricket game at the restaurant's hotel reception area, the manager turned the volume down. I assured him the volume was fine but he gestured to the open door. It was prayer time and Allah Akbars were blasting from the mosque's megaphones. Apparently cricket isn't India's main religion after all.

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