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Published: March 8th 2014
Just when I thought India could not surprise me, could not throw me anything new...BAM... I was hit. More accurately actually, I hit something. I lost control of my scooter and drove it straight into the side of the chai shop. Fuck! It threw me and my friend off to the side, leaving us both lying in pain on the dirty Indian soil, with hordes of men running towards us. I could feel only the intensity of the pressure on my chest as I took each breath. And the surge of blood escaping from the brand-new hole in my face.
The worst of it actually came later. The night spent in the hospital getting x-rays and CT scans (that revealed no broken bones only bruised ribs) and a stitch in my cheek, all passed very quickly. Painkillers helped a little bit. But the worst part really was replaying the accident over and over again in my head for days. Re-living those three seconds on the scooter as I realized I no longer had control and I thought to myself "I will crash this scooter. I wonder how badly it will end up for us."
Relinquishing control over
being able to change the event and letting go of all the guilt I had over injuring myself and my friend, was much harder than healing my physical pains. But in time it came.
Succumbing to vulnerability and weakness also took it's toll. It showed me the biggest challenges I faced with this accident were in my mind. I was so lucky to have Thomas take care of me and he did it so well. Letting him, was a different story. Acknowledging my vulnerability, acknowledging that I needed him to lift me in and out of bed, to pull down my underwear to go to the bathroom, to wash my hair and brush it, were new for me. The strong Trish hated being weak! It hated me for being the one responsible for being in this situation. But anger and blame only made it worse.
I had to let go....of the guilt, the responsibility, the questions. I had to accept...that it happened, that I couldn't take it back. I had to appreciate that I had Thomas there to take care of me and that he did it with so much love. I had to
recognize how fortunate I was to have fallen from a moving scooter and not only survived, but sustained minor injuries that I saw healing everyday.
The body is quite a miraculous thing. The mind is another. The body healed. With little application of Ayurvedic oil, minimal movement, and healthy food, I noticed my injuries healing every day. I noticed my mobility increasing every day. It was quite effortless actually. It really surprised me that it was my mind, that turned out to need much more attention.
Two months later, to the day...my face has only a small scar that continues to heal, my ribs only feel pressure when I sneeze and my mind has stopped continuously analyzing and looking for answers. It is quiet. It is accepting.
I don't know if it's possible to ever forget those few short minutes, but at least now I can recall them as just another event in my life...that allowed me to learn and grow...and remind me that I actually have no business driving a scooter!!!
Tot: 2.426s; Tpl: 0.074s; cc: 8; qc: 46; dbt: 0.0544s; 2; m:saturn w:www (22.214.171.124); sld: 3;
; mem: 1.3mb