Just a Theory

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A friend of mine is going through a real rough patch in his relationship. So he has a ton of questions for the female species:

Q.1. What do you want from us?

A.1. DRAMA.

Okay, to spell it out, it’s all about that effect that one person has on another. We’re not looking for looks, or muscles or bone structures or facial hair or skin type… we’re looking for that effect. What effect: It’s like that song, by Elvis Presley: All Shook Up, we want your hands to be shaking and your knees all weak, where you just can’t seem to stand on your own two feet; Your tongue gets tied when you try to speak, your insides shake like a leaf on a tree; you’re proud to say that I’m your ‘buttercup’, coz your in love, and you’re all shook up!!! So, Can you have that effect on me? And more importantly, DO I have that effect on you?

Now, it’s not entirely all that simple. In order for the guy to have that effect on the girl, since she’s completely unaware of what qualities in a guy or what type of guy creates that effect on her, she invents a make-believe wishlist. One she images to be fool-proof and which eventually become like umm, well, some sort of constitution of her our country or whatever. We’re really just groping around in the dark.

But then since we have not identified that as yet, And to protect ourselves from the ‘Devil in Disguise’ every girl has a set of rules. They’re not ‘the wish list’ as most put it, but just a set of rules. It’s like a code of ethics which can be manipulated for interpretation only by the one who made them – us.

For example: my best friend and I have a couple:
a.: No Married Men. No excuses acceptable. No ‘He’s hot’, or ‘he’s perfect’, or, ‘He’s the one, he’s my Neo!’. No.
Married men are a completely different species altogether. We don’t understand them entirely, but I know one thing for sure is that every married man is always on the prowl. Ladies, just because he’s not wearing a ring doesn’t mean he’s not married. Always assume he’s married until proven single. And don’t for the love of God mistake the look in his eyes for love…you’re probably the sixth woman in his life he’s cheated on his wife with…and even if you’re the first believe you me there’ll me at least six more after you. Oh, and Never ever fall for the line ‘I’m getting a divorce’ they ALL say that! Getting a divorce can happen in 300 years!!! Therefore, getting a divorce is equal to Married is equal to NO.

b. Friends’ Boyfriends Are Off-Limits. A friend’s boyfriend is always hot. You know why, because of the obvious effect the guy is having on her, and that’s all. Ladies, You only think maybe he’d have the same effect on you…but she dumps him and then the only thing you’re thinking is ‘No way dude’. It’s totally true. Think about it. Have you ever thought that your friend’s boyfriend was like really really yummy, and then three months after they break up you bump into him and all of a sudden you’re like, he so fat or black or uggh or whatever… That’s the thing. We’re always wondering: If he can have this effect on her, can he have the same effect on me? The truth is 'NO'. So don’t do it, it only complicates things.

c. Don’t Marry Someone Because You Love Him, Marry Him Because He Loves You. I set that rule when I was 13. All I can say about this rule is: that while I haven’t broken it as yet, no one’s convinced me enough to follow it through either…yet.

Well, more later – as the questions roll in 😉

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