Feng Shui and Fortune Tellers

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I am now a Feng Shui master.

No, it's true, at least according to Master Alex Yu, who taught my "Meet the People" Feng Shui class today, courtesy of the Hong Kong Tourism Board.

You may recognize Master Yu from - well, who am I kidding, you are not likely to recognize him or his work any more than I did, even though he has appeared on CNN and the Discovery Channel and consulted with such powerhouses as New York Life, Century 21, and Lehman Brothers (Lehman Bros. must have ignored his advice).

Some of you may be thinking, "Feng Shui? What a lot of baloney!" or something similar. I went with an open mind, and Master Yu bought himself some credibility in my eyes straight off by proclaiming that Feng Shui is not a science, and explaining that it has evolved from the philosophical underpinnings of Taoism, the concept of Yin and Yang, and the motion of chi energies.

I won't go into all that here, but I will tell you how funny and entertaining Master Yu was. He held up a gaudy gold dragon figurine and told us that this was one of many Feng Shui objects that he did not believe in selling.

"Will this dragon make you money? Only if it can spit money from it's mouth."

Feng Shui can only do so much. For example, if you live in Baghdad you could do everything right in terms of Feng Shui; but you still live in Baghdad, one of the most dangerous cities in the world. You can't blame Feng Shui when that mortar crashes through the window.

So here are a few practical Feng Shui tips for you all, so that you can benefit from my two hours of knowledge:

• Try to buy a house that has its back to the hills or high ground and open spaces and water in front
• Make sure to move your fans, aquariums, and other moving objects into the southeast quadrant of your home. This will help spread good chi to every area of your life
• If you keep getting sick, you might want to check if your bedroom or living room are in the north, northeast, or west of your home. Move them if you can
• Keep important things like your bed and sofa away from the north quadrant of your house. It will just kill your love life, apparently
• On that note, if your love life sucks, try placing something romantic (flowers, photos, pink objects) in the middle of the room
• Never have a gap between your headboard and the wall. Make sure your headboard is not aligned on the same wall as the entrance to your bedroom

Master Yu had a lot of advice on the subject of sex. He offered, if you cannot find anything romantic to put in the middle of your room, to provide you with a picture of himself. As an alternative, you can dress your husband or boyfriend in red and make him stand in the middle of the room or house; overnight is best.

"The husband is a Feng Shui object."

Amen.

After the lesson, I metro-ed my way to New Kowloon, wandered through the serenity (doubly so because it was empty; it was raining) of the Nan Lian Garden, meandered past the lotus ponds of the Chi Lin nunnery, and had lunch at a vegetarian restaurant under a waterfall.

I always thought I was pretty good with chopsticks, but I absolutely disgraced myself trying to eat dumplings. First of all, there were two sets of chopsticks. I mean, what is that all about? Are one set the salad chopsticks? Do you start on the outside and work your way in? Where are the dessert chopsticks and the shrimp chopsticks? The best I could do was was maim my dumplings into halves, then try to scoop them up with the soup spoon. At least everyone at the restaurant had the good taste to wait until I left to start laughing.

My final spiritual (-ish) moment of the day was a visit to the (brace yourself) Sik Sik Yuen Wong Tai Sin Temple. I stood in the back of the prayer room and watched as men and women rattled cans full of numbered sticks, until the woman handing them out motioned me over.

I gathered that she wanted me to take the sticks to divine my fortune. So I grabbed the can, hesitantly kneeled on the cushions provided, and formed a question:

"Tell me about my love life."

I held the can in front of me and shook it up and down. The sticks rattled away, and gradually one in particular made its way further and further out of the can until it dropped onto the floor in front of me. I picked it up and saw the number 16.

In the back of the temple are the busy booths of the soothsayers. Take them your number, and they will tell you your fortune. So here's what mine was.

"You are very strong woman. You have very good love with boyfriend, but he too busy with work. You must not pressure him spend time with you. Be strong, support him. In July and August will have very good love. In autumn good time to talk about marriage."


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Photos

Two Feng Shui Masters!
With Alex Yu

Lunch!
Unidentified soup; unidentified fruit, veggie dumplings in broth, and steamed soy-filled dough bun

Temple
(I am SO not going to write out the whole name again)

World's Tiniest Toilet?
I'm just including this here to show you that apparently I am just ENORMOUS compared to the Chinese...

Comments

[Jill]

I think you found the children's restroom!

[Mom]

Vegetarian???
Since we all know how much you do not love any kind of fish, is your new interest in eating vegetarian to avoid unknown meat or fish (shrimp crunchies aside)? Good plan!!!! May have to readjust when you return to the red meat eating state of Texas.

[amber]

I didn't even know real toilets that small existed!

[Liz D.]

Good love
July and August are for good love, eh? Loved this and the post about the 10,000 Buddhas.