On a clear day you can see forever...

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A wonderful thing happened yesterday. The rain that we had here ALL weekend drove out all the haze and smog. It made the air so clean and crisp it almost felt like fall. When I looked out my apartment window I could see the islands way out in the ocean. The sky was blue and the water was bright. It was really very magical.

I have been quite contemplative lately. I think it has a lot to do with me being alone. I spend a lot of my time just thinking. I have been thinking about God and religion, about people, and about where my life is headed. These are the kinds of questions I was hoping I would ask myself while I was here (and even possibly find an answer!)

I guess I have been thinking a lot about religion for a couple of reasons. First of all, this school is a Christian (Lutheran) school. We just had a presentation about how students at our school grow spiritually and religiously while they are here. We talked about the difference between being a religious person and a spiritual person. I also attended church here for the first time. I went to the 11am service, which is the more contemporary praise band style worship. As I sat there by myself, surrounded by other teachers and colleagues, I found myself thinking about faith and my journey. When I was in high school, I looked at Lutheran schools like Valpo thinking that at some point I might want to go to seminary school and become a pastor. I realized pretty quickly that that was not the path for me. I found my home in music and in the Chorale. I also found myself confused about God and religion. I had grown up in a tradition and at one point I believed so whole-heartedly in that tradition. When I got to college, though, I found myself asking a lot of questions. I was really turned off by the way that some of my fellow classmates felt about and showed their Christianity. I met people who were so sure that they were right and wanted everyone to know it. And I met people who would say one thing and then do another thing. And people who thought that going to church meant you were a Christian- that was it. I found myself feeling that this was all just a little bit wrong. I don't think I could tell another person in another faith that they were wrong, and honestly I am not even sure I believe they are. I believe your religion is very closely related to where you were born and how you grew up. Some people do make a change, but often it is a religious tradition started by one family member and continued by another. Who am I to say that just because I happened to grow up in a Christian, Lutheran tradition that someone who grew up in a Muslim community is wrong? Aren't we all just hoping there is something more than this life? I guess I am finding a hard time placing myself in a religion. I love the traditions of Lutheranism- the hymns, the service. It is all so familiar and wonderful to me. But if I ask myself honestly if I really believe in what the church believes in, I would have to say probably not. So I am just not sure where that puts me. I guess this journey here will help me answer some of these questions and figure out what it is that I truly believe in.

Sorry for all the heavy stuff. Just wanted to get that out.

In other news, the kitties are doing great! I am starting to feel the love, and it is wonderful.

Love you all!

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