High? How High?.... Shanghai!

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So how high was Shanghai? Not very.

I decided to go to Shanghai while my bank card was in the capable hands of the Chinese postal system. It only cost 92p to send it, how crazy is that, it costs almost 40p to send it to the house next door. So I arrived in Shanghai and immediately set off to see The Bund. WELL, what a bloody disappointment. The entire West side of the water was covered in building work ready for something called Expo 2010. I still have no idea what this expo is, despite everything in Shanghai being covered in dust from all the building work that's going on, and the little blue mascot being on everything from subway cards to milk. I tried to cross the river, but actually crossed the stream coming off the river and ended up in the north of Shanghai which was scary as anything. Hawkers kept grabbing me and asking if I wanted to buy a fake bag/watch/shoes/dvds/English dvds/midgets. (Not quite, but pretty close) I did, in actual fact want to buy a bag, but I got so hassled and stressed that I just bulldozed through the masses and tried to get back across the stream.

When I eventually got to the right place, it was a disappointment because I didn't know what any of the buildings were, and none of the lights were on. So I sat with an American girl (very dull) until after sunset, and then tried (fail!) to take some nice night time shots of the river. I was tired that night so I went to bed.

On Sunday, it was Brazilian Independence day and there was a big carnival in one of the suburbs. I hadn't planned by trip that way, it was just a good coincidence. I went to that, it was good, there were capoira dancers (amazing), Chinese kung fu boys (masochistic and strange), football matches (england came third, but Germany won), samba/carnival parade (bass-y) and overpriced (German) beer. I had a really good day, and it was good to see how all the ex-pats live in Shanghai. Generally, I think they all hang out, work, play and talk with each other, even the waiters spoke English. I don't think I would like that. I saw lots of blonde American couples with small Chinese babies. The capoira dancers were the best bit, but I forgot my camera so I'm going to steal some pictures from another website.
Unfortunately, I had a caipirinha and it knocked me out so I had to get the metro home at about 8pm. Bed by 9.Very rock n roll.

The next day I was craving mash, so I went to an Irish bar in the French Concession that served English food and had bangers and mash. The Chinese waitress lady actually called it bangers and mash, in a crazy Chinese accent. Made me laugh, and then I realised why people laugh at my poor attempts at Chinese. The French Concession is pretty, with funny European looking houses and lots of fancy coffee shops that could be Paris. But there's Chinese people, everywhere. They look like they don't belong. (The Chinese people, not the houses.) That night, I went out in the French Concession as its the main drinking area in Shanghai. I went to a pub called the Bulldog (previously called the British Bulldog, but the British was dropped, I'm assuming to try to attract a higher class of clientel, something the have failed to do.) There was a pub quiz and I learned that Americans are kind of stupid and not very good at pub quizzes, even those hosted by fellow Americans. The waitresses were lovely little Chinese things and told me which clubs were good in Shanghai. I met a man from Tazmania ( Tazzy!!!Sonya Cognac and Lucia!!!) who lived in Shanghai 2 weeks a month and Tazzy with his wife 2 weeks a month. He had lots of frequent flyer miles and used them to upgrade to first class sometimes. I think my envy gave me a bit of indigestion. I also learned that I can spot a Tazzy accent. Useful? No.
I went to a club that had a Chinese girl singing Cher. I met some really cool Americans who work for JetBLue. Jetblue is Richard Branson's main competition in the US, and I do have very strong feelings for Mr Branson, but I didn't want to be rude, lol. Then we went to a Mexican themed bar which was full of white people and Chinese girls on the pull. I had a Chinese lesson from my taxi driver on the way home. As with my Spanish, my language improves with alcohol. Up to a point, anyway.

The next day I went out with some people from the hostel to the same place, and got free drinks from the very same Americans! Shanghai has lots of nights with specials and free drinks for ladies or airline staff etc if you know the right places to go. It must be very annoying for the poor Chinese people who need the free drinks, and can't get them. I would be very mad if foreigners got free drinks in Hull. Luckily, in Hull, foreigners just get glassed. Best part of the night was the street racer taxi driver who understood our (English) demands that he race the car in front, banging on the windows and shouting and drove us back to our hostel at top speed along Shanghai's streets. He didn't win the race with the taxi, so he didn't get a tip. That's the market economy for ya, drive.

While in Shanghai, I went to go visit Thames Town, a recreated English town for Shanghai's new rich to live in. Because houses in China lose their retail value once someone has moved in, only about 20 houses are occupied, even though there's a post office (empty), three pubs (inexplicably, only the German themed pub is open) a town hall (empty) and village shop (empty). Its houses are like England, and the church was modeled after one in Bristol, but inside the Church there isn't anything. And the doors are locked. It was odd and the houses aren't all themed like Yorkshire village houses, they're a weird mishmash of styles. Mock-Tudor stands alongside Barratt homes, and modern flats alongside houses that look like they should be in the Hovis adverts. Very odd, and not helped by the fact that it's deathly silent, and there are security guards everywhere. Patrolling who? I have no idea. The few Chinese people I did see seemed very pleased to see a real live Westerner strolling down their street. There were also a lot of brides getting their wedding pictures taken in silly poses with wedding dresses about as classy as the one Jordan wore.

I learned to play a traditional Chinese game with black and white stones that is really hard. It teaches values of protection and attack, so I suppose is where Battleship came from. I was taught by a french boy, not a Chinese man, as one would probably assume. It was hard, and I was not good at it. I think maybe because I can't play chess.

I stole some Havianas flip flops from my dorm room, but it's okay because they didn't belong to anyone. They belong to me now, I gave them a home. My feet. Chinese people have small feet (which is appropriate, given their small bodies.) and the old people stare at my big, dirty feet all the time. I've started painting my toenails all different colours, like when you're a child, just to give them a bit of a thrill. Simple things.

I took the train back to Nanjing. Sat next to a little Chinese baby, who smiled (very unusual in China) but only when I smiled at him first. His mum forgot to take a nappy to the toilet when she changed him, and he seemed heartbroken that the whole carriage saw his little willy. His mother seemed harassed even though he was a very chilled out baby. Kept trying to steal my milk, little fucker. I didn't share. Terri does not share.

Finding my hotel (I splashed out, eight quid for a hotel room rather than a hostel) was a mission and a half. There was Jinling hotel, Home Inn Hotel and Jinn's Inn Hotel, all on one road, and I wasn't sure which one I was in because I hadn't paid attention when I booked it online. Not entirely my fault though, that is not a sensible naming policy. The third one (of the three) I went to was my actual hotel. It was painted orange (like EasyJet) but was very very clean, and I had my own bathroom. I took advantage of this, ordered pizza and watched the one English-language channel. I learned a lot about Mongolian dancing and tradition Mongolian music. It's surprisingly good. Youtube it, its pretty cool. I also learned how to make some Chinese food from Chinese Delia Smith, but it was tofu. I hate tofu, I always feel shortchanged, it looks like chicken, and then you eat it, it's such a disappointment. I left the cleaning lady a big bag of stuff that I didn't want, like a tin opener and some nuts and some flip flops that won't fit her and a map of London Underground. A veritable feast of goodies for her.

I was very excited to find out that my card had arrived from England, and was waiting (like an overattentive Chinese whore) for me at the hotel. Finally, waiting over, I booked a train to Beijing for the next night. The hotel booking service don't like to book hard sleeper for foreigners because it's cheaper, so I went to the train station with my guidebook and written out requests. I managed to buy a bottom bunk (what I wanted, but that was more good luck than good skill) on a sleeper train to Beijing. The woman was nice, and it only cost 275 Kwai. About twenty five quid.

Waiting at the train station, I did some maths (Epsilon!!) and worked out that there were probably about 2250 people on my train. Thats a lot of people. I was the only westerner. The Chinese men seemed very bemused by my being there. But were nice and left me alone. They played card games until the lights went out and then wandered off. I'm guessing to sleep in their compartments. I got stuck between the two bunks and had to reverse out to take my backpack off. Nearly knocked out several small Chinese people. I ate my nutritious meal of bananas, green tea, oreos and a ketchup sandwich. The bed was narrow, but with an eyeshade, ear plugs and a full sized duvet, I had a solid sleep of about 7 hours. Job Done.

I woke up about an hour before we arrived in Beijing proper, so just enough time to get my stuff together and eat a Chinese pot noodle. They put goji berries in soup here, instead of eating them dried like we do. I had some in my pot noodle. It's lovely. Don't listen to that shitty, shrew-faced Gillian McKeith, put them in soup. I ate them with my Chinese spoon I had stolen.

Next: Beijing (Only Four Weeks Behind Schedule)

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