The Adventure/Bad Choices Continue!

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I once wrote the following:

...I'm still going to China. Everyone's been telling me, Just go to China. I have thus decided that--since I spent $329 on a Chinese visa--I will still head to Jining. I probably won't stay for a year, though--I'm thinking till September. Just long enough to avoid Cambodia's hot season, rainy season, and dengue fever. I'll reassess China (my city, my school, my personal growth, my linguistic capabilities), and if I like it, I will stay. If I'd rather hang out with the awesome folks in Indochina, then I'll come back down here to Cambodia (which seems to happen with LanguageCorps students more often than you might expect). That's a plan, right???

I passionately, fanatically want to go back to Cambodia now. But first I will present my reassessment. You might find it to be a mildly interesting summary of all that has happened to me over the last 4-5 months:

1. My City. I have now lived in Jining for upwards of four months. I have witnessed nothing--nothing--to convince me that I am not somehow still living in Cincinnati, Ohio. I feel like I left the country for a month, and they moved some stuff around and replaced all the signs with Chinese and bad English. They got rid of all the black people, and all the white people, too. So, although racial tensions are now non-existent, my personal status as a minority and a freak has become firmly entrenched. The weather is averaging about 95-100 degrees F this summer, and is very humid and still with magnificent thunderstorms. In the winter, the average low hovers around 0 to -10 degrees F, and there is limited heating for much of that time (which the government switches on and off at will, but which private citizens pay for). Currently, fruitflies and ants have taken over my kitchen, and there is construction on every street corner.

Like I said, not too much different from my life in Cincinnati. The only thing is, there's all that smog here.

2. My School. I am incredibly, incredibly blessed to have the school I do. At first, I thought my co-LanguageCorps buddy Zach lucked out by getting sent to Jinan (which I'd read several reviews about, and it sounded quite good) and that I was going somewhere potentially very dreadful. I now see that I am the one who lucked out. Zach and I have been in constant contact, and he has let me know about the difficulties there. Foreign teachers are not valued and are horribly treated. Apparently folks are just up and quitting--"like a freaking war zone. Every week there are new casualties" were Zach's words about the situation, I believe.

Yes, Jining is boring, but... Although the foreign community here is terribly small (20 of us in the entire city; I am the only girl) and although I have literally nothing to do on most days, and although our Chinese co-teachers studiously avoid all contact with us outside school, it's the sort of existence I can adapt to. In all, it's not much different than what I left behind in Ohio.

Safety... And although I confess to being forced to play four games of freeze tag with energetic young children, being forced to talk about how awesome Jining City is for promotional purposes, and spending hours each day being trapped in a glass cage for kids and their parents to gawp at, I must also confess that our manager really looks out for our interests as employees. He has prevented the school from doing any number of truly retarded things to us--like having us pose with random Chinese families for Fathers' Day photos, for instance, or holding 1000-person events solely at the expense of the foreign teachers.

It makes a difference.... The owner of our school regularly shows up for work (I have never witnessed this attitude in America) and has been quite eager to improve his limited English. His primary interest is in having happy, long-term foreign teachers, and truth be told, our manager sometimes has to remind him of the practicalities of having a budget. After what I've read about teaching in China, this is not typical. I would be a fool to leave for the unknown.

3. My Personal Growth. Here I am moving woefully backwards. I confess to having always been a socially awkward dork with no life. I was this way in Cincinnati, despite my many years of corrective action. Now imagine being a socially awkward dork IN CHINESE. WHEN YOU DON'T SPEAK CHINESE. And simply put, you do not have a shred of social support. If anything, I seem to have become weaker, awkwarder, MORE apathetic, LESS able to cope with problems, and shy to the point of being terrified of interacting with anyone. Also my body image has gone down the tubes--which is what happens when you are the size of a horse and so is your nose. *Whinny*.

As to my growth as a teacher--none. It's like I said on my first day teaching in Cambodia--I'm not really cut out for this. Five months later, I stand by this. Now partially, this is because I am accompanied at all times by Chinese teachers who translate everything I say into Chinese while managing to leave out the important aspects, such as, "Be quiet!" Maybe it also has to do with the fact that I've never had the chance to observe real teachers, even the others in our school--I'm literally the only person I have ever watched teach EFL. It's also because I'm not a clown or circus monkey, and I do not entertain small children really well.

4. My Linguistic Capabilities. I understand about as much Chinese as that terrifying Chow Chow that lives downstairs and likes to block the stairwell and growl at me when I am trying to go to work. I can, on occasion, decipher which issue my Chinese colleagues are talking about on the phone. My ears perk up if I hear the word "food" or "walk". On good days (which are about as common as blue skies) I can tell taxi drivers that I am an English teacher.

I've been studying Chinese since Xiangfan, via ChinesePod. It's been quite useful, but I've almost entirely stopped over July and August--it's impossible to study and progress when you are in the office twelve hours a day, 6 days a week. This is virtually the first day I have had free all summer. As I see it, two months of study gave me the competency of a two year old. Maybe if I hang in there another six months, I can add another six years worth of knowledge. Or just give up and go suck my thumb in the corner.

Which ever happens to me, another bad choice underlies it--I have just extended my contract here for another six months. All of the above semantics and dreams of migrating south aside, I just need the money.

Money. The Lowest Common Denominator.

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Comments

[Joe E]

Which school?
Sounds like your language lab was a good one! Most people only complain about theirs. Which ESL school in Jining did you work for?

[Global Drifter]

Complaints
I do not complain, because it is not the socially acceptable thing to do. The school I teach at really is irrelevant to the content of this blog, the primary purpose of which is to keep people informed of my status without sending mass emails. Thank you for your interest.