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Published: December 7th 2012
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The bridal couple
With the bride's very happy family. Women over 30, and unmarried, are considered "left behind." Despite this, many Chinese women are forsaking marriage and the attendant care of a former Little Emperor. 12072012 Blog
We were off for a four day visit to the hometown of our student/friend/colleague, Junfang. She was getting married, actually in was a celebration of her marriage which had taken place weeks ago in a government office, to another friend and colleague, Huanbiao.
Chinese domestic flights always remind us of the cultural nuances (“At China Southern Airlines we cherish your decision to fly with us”), including the cabin crew bowing when they begin and end their safety presentation. Getting off the plane is another reminder, no sense that those in front should “deplane) (what does that mean anyway, rid oneself of the plane by going through a cleansing beam?) before those in the rear. This being one of the junctures where personal safety was not in jeopardy, I choose to exercise my foreigner prerogative by exiting from row 34 before those behind me. Keep in mind that you can hear the click of opening seat belts seconds after the wheels hit the tarmac and by time the aircraft exists the runway there are already people standing and retrieving their belongings from the overheads. I should add that the domestic passengers are always good natured when
Groom
This is a tradition, serving tea to the parents; I understand that in times past, brides virtually cutoff relationships with their own families. forced to wait for those in front of them, almost as if they have been caught violating some norm and like an errant school child are shamed into proper behavior.
We were met at the airport by Junfang's brother and the two hour ride home reminded of the pilot's announcement years ago, having landed in Burlington and hearing that “Now the dangerous part of your trip, navigating the highways, has begun.” I would estimate that my eyes were shut about 40% of the time as we made our way, accompanied by loud blasts of the horn, encountering trucks wheezing along at 25 mph as we screamed down the road (albeit in an S class Benz) to the beat of the Korean pop music that has swept through China (and elsewhere.) Passing on the right, straddling the two lanes of the motorway, constant horn blasts, and last minute stomping of the brakes had me cinching the safety belt (and Ellen and I were the only ones belted.) We finally arrived at our 5 star lux hotel (this entire trip was financed by the bride's family, no question of our paying anything!) and a welcome king-sized bed.
Over the next
A really simple setup
This one surface was the prep and serving space, cooking for about 100 people three days we were entertained at the bride's home as well as at a large party at a hotel; The big events were on Thursday, as geomancers had determined that this was an auspicious day for marriage. Along with 100 family members (and two Hong Kong-based social work couples) we dined for hours on three levels of the family home. I lost count of the dishes after 23 and the pictures of the temporary outdoor kitchen reminds us that it is NOT all about the commodious kitchens we have become accustomed to.
The home was recently provided the family in partial compensation for their giving up their rights to the land they had farmed for years. Although rural land taking is a serious affliction here, many people have their land taken from them without adequate recompense (
look here), in this instance the villagers did very well, gaining great financial compensation.
Thursday evening we were in a hotel, but since this was such an auspicious day, and the arrangements for this wedding were only made a year in advance, we were split onto three different rooms. Ellen and I were in the #1 room, along with close family and other
Chubby baby
These little emperors are stuffed like French geese first line friends. Along with teachers from primary level on up, Ellen and I were brought on stage to receive our certificate in a tear stained ceremony, very moving. The certificate states, in part:
“A couple from the US, lovely, lovely, lovely... Your role as teachers, as parents, as friends tells us the importance of respect, your way in Guangzhou, in Hong Kong, in the US tells us that when you know love, you know and understand family”
All in all, a great four days, wonderful connections with people who knew all about us and were eager to share their warmth, their gratitude and their interest in us and our work here in China, priceless!
Yesterday I met with the staff of one of the “Youth Zone” programs here in GZ; the supervisor is a young man I worked with last year. At that time he expressed great ambitions, including improving his English and going abroad to study psychoanalysis. I was delighted to learn from him that he has followed through in spectacular fashion and is attending a twice a year, week-long seminar presented by eminent US academics and practitioners. There are many efforts by foreign psychoanalytic
institutes to introduce their work here and it will be a great sea change in Chinese traditions if they are able to gain a foothold.
My discussion with the staff this day was wide ranging, but once again the topic of “gayness” came up. These early 20 somethings stated that their “modern” ideas about homosexuality were greatly influenced by watching American TV shows, none of which I was familiar with. They stated that everything seemed “normal”, as gay and lesbians were apparently portrayed n everyday scenes of friends and family. Soft power once again sweeps away the “olds”.
December 7- Just in from a late afternoon run along the Pearl River and realized it is “Day of Infamy”; I recall when a youth the talk was about the Japanese “sneak” attack on Pearl Harbor and even as a pre-adolescent I was confused by the opprobrium. Later events only strengthened by confusion, did the US announce to the Mexicans/Nicaraguans/Guatemalans/Grenadians/Vietnamese/Cambodians/ etal, “Here we come, we are going to be flying over your territory in 24 hours and we are going to drop bombs here and there, so be ready!” What utter nonsense, a racist appeal to those enthralled by the
Hot wok
Coal fired, with a fan supplying draft and the food kept coming Yellow Peril, “can't trust those Nips after all.” 9/11 was a game changer in that a new villain (Why we LOVE the Japanese, so cultured, so respectful, we love what they do with paper, and we absolutely ADORE sushi!”) could allay any guilt about driving our Toyotas.
On my way back I stopped in the local market area to purchase dinner ingredients and was reminded about the flip side of finding someone to blame, as kindness and trust were revealed in a routine transaction. I stopped in the grocer's stall to buy a bottle of wine to go with my dinner and realized that I had failed to bring along enough cash. Sensing my plight the young storekeeper let me know that I should take the wine and pay her tomorrow. Imagine, I have a credit line at the grocer's in the Little West Market. As I walked back to the apartment I thought I had better drop my vittles, get on my bike and settle the debt, but then I thought again... she had clearly said
tomorrow and if I went to pay her today it might seen that I am refusing the kindness she extended, better wait
Soon to be a luxury apartment
This third tier town of 3 million is part of the urbanization scheme that is the centerpiece of China's plan for economic development. Yet, about half of China's population remains rural until tomorrow.
Footnote: I have just finished reading
Nonzero a book by Robert Wright; in it he describes the rise of civilization as requiring money and trust (among other things) to increase the nonzero transactions among people, that is transaction in which both parties benefit. It was a fascinating read, not without controversial aspects, but worth a look.
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