It's the Little Things, Part 十一

---

It's been a while since I wrote one of these blogs, so I thought it was time now. Over the past term I've had quite a few cute, little stories, that while not big enough to warrent their own entry, are worthy of a mention. Enjoy.



While I was walking back in the misty rain from a visit to the vegetable lady, I saw one of my new students and his girlfriend under a huge umbrella. He saw me, wasn't sure it was me, and ducked behind his girlfriend. Then he suddenly leaned out and yelled, "Hello, Kris!" and waved while they both grinned at me. His face lit up when I obviously recognized him and said hello back.



On the way back from my last class of an awesome day, a little girl yelled out, "Hello, hello!" in English and waved enthusiastically.

Then she turned to her mother and said in Chinese, "That girl is so pretty!"



One of the best parts is my students' unusual names. Last term, I didn't have many that amused me. My favorites this term, so far, are:
U Air (sounds like a new Nike model.)
I also have a W Knight, Lavigne, Coffee, Coffee, Wesson (like the oil),Maybe, Later, Lollies, Winters, Sharpay, Lightening, and Zoo.
My friend has a student named Giraffe. Perhaps Giraffe and Zoo can date.



A video made by my students:

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMzI5MTI3NDIw.html



There's something great about a copilot with a sense of humor on a long flight: Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached our cruising altitude and are feeling brave and have turned off the seatbelt sign. Please feel free to move about the cabin and take advantage of the tennis courts and bowling alley in the back.



Apparently if I wear a black stocking cap that covers my ears (the windy is really cold) my students have trouble recognizing me because it also means my head is black and not "blonde."



Tonight at the speech team meeting, I gave them the topic of cold weather to practice impromptu speaking. Winters here in Guangdong Province are cold, humid, wet, and cloudy. One student got up and said, that even though he likes cold weather, he hates how when it's cold his underwear doesn't dry after he washes it.



The exam topic this week is to introduce yourself and have a "job interview" with me as the boss. They are required to ask me two questions (about the job). One male student asked me if I thought he was strong. I was puzzled by this and thought he meant, "Am I a strong candidate for the job?" or "Is my interview going well?" I replied, "Maybe?"

He then pulled out his cell phone to show me a photo. This isn't uncommon and usually I get photos from their hometown, of their family, or pet.

Instead he showed me a photo of his leaning back, posing like a model, pulling his shirt up to reveal a very toned body. "See, Strong??" He asked.

I was so embarrassed, all I could say was, "I wasn't supposed to see that."

When I told my friends about it, the women all responded the same: Well, was he strong?

Toby suggested that he deserved an A. Godfrey suggestd I take poetic license when retelling this story and tell people that my student actually took his shirt off. Please note that I did neither of these things.



Today during the Q & A part of the "job interview" exam, my student asked me, "Do you think I am handsome?"

All I could think was, "Oh, no, here we go again." Luckily, no photos this time.



One student said, "I am the best because when I take off my clothes, I am Superman!"

My, "OMG, not again," face must have been pretty confusing because he quickly said, "No, no, it's a joke!"

To which I replied, "That's good. I can't pay Superman."





Idea of the day: Love is like an electric cardiograph. It goes up and down. When it stops, you die.



word of the day: potatograph



While I was eating in my favorite Korean restaurant, a disabled man came in, looked at me, and proceed to ask me (in Chinese) if I would buy him lunch. I didn't quite understand everything he said (or why he thought I should do this, oh, wait I'm white), and looked at the owner of the restaurant. She immediately yelled at him that I'm a foreigner and I can't understand Chinese. He looked quite confused. She eventually did get him to leave and I ate my lunch in peace. Later, she asked (in Chinese) if I thought the food was the best. I gave her a thumbs up.



For the speech team, I taught them about persuasive speeches. One student got up and was not in his usual top form. He rambled from one topic to the next, then, sensing that he was failing (perhaps because one other student commented on it), he spent the rest of his speech telling all of us how much he loves Kris, complete with throwing his arms wide open.

My face red, I wanted to hide under a desk. I settled for burying my face in my hands and coming up laughing (fake laughter).





For his exam, one student told me all about the bike trip he and his friends planned and executed. All the thought, preparation, how they got tired and needed to rest half-way, etc. The catch? It was to Chini village, a 20 minute bike ride away.



I subbed for a friend this am. The topic was emergencies. They had to act out an emergency and call 110. One group drew a spaceship on the board, stood under it, and put their cell phones above their head to be "beamed up." Abducted by aliens. Love it.



The exam this week is to tell a story in the past tense. My favorite of the day was about a girl who, for Mother's Day, wanted to help her mother with the cleaning while her mother was out. She saw that there were a lot of vegetables to wash for dinner. She realized it would be easier to wash them in the washing machine.



After an unfortunate incident involving my shoe and a stone, I asked the owner of the restaurant where the washroom was so I could wash my hands. She pointed to a door in the corner. I walked in, decided it must be wrong, turned, and she nodded. I walked past a few homemade bamboo ladders, some clothes, and a washing machine. Then I realized I was in the family bathroom, complete with shampoo, soap, and only a spigot on the wall above a bucket instead of a sink or shower. I felt a little weird.



While I was waiting for the bus this afternoon, a city guard sat down next to me and turned his flat-topped hat upside down and put it on his knees. He the proceeded to hide his cell phone in the hat and, while glancing around, he decided to watch a movie. This would have been discreet if the volume had been considerably lower and he hadn't giggled so much.



While I'm used to being the only white face in the crowd, it's a bit strange to be the only white face and see no Asian faces. Apparently 9am at the Thai consulate is the THE place to be if you are from any number of African countries.

On a bright note, I was the first one done and out the door by 920am. Woohoo for being prepared and my US passport! I can pick up my visa tomorrow afternoon!



Tonight was the English Drama Competition Finals. I enjoyed 9 plays, 3 in Japanese and 6 in English. The Speech Team made me proud.

And, of course, no drama competition would be complete without a rock band performing "Zombie," street dancers, cheerleaders, and the drum line.



The topic for this make-up week is emergencies. They create an skit showing an emergency and then call 911 (me).
Student 1: Give me all your money! This is a robbery!
Student 2: I don't have any money!
Student 1: Don't lie! Give me money!
Student 2: No really! I don't.
Student 1 checks pockets. There is no money.
Student 1: Fine! Give me your underwear!
Student 2: My underwear?
Student 1: Yes! Hurry! I want it!
Student 2: But I only have one!



Student one steals student 2's pen from his back pocket. Student 2 chases student 1. Student 1 jumps into a car (desk) and "drives" around the room with student 2 chasing after him. (He picked up the desk and carried it on his back.) Then student 1 hits a "tree" and falls out of the car, on fire. student 2, whacks out the flames to save student 1's life and then calls 911. In the end, student 1 takes his pen back.



In the class I subbed for today, we went over emergencies (again). The best one started with two boys watching Titanic 3D (with glasses) and synchronized swaying as the ship sank. Then, suddenly, there was an earthquake in their house and they ran into the "kitchen" and hid under the lectern. Suddenly, chalk went flying across the room as one yelled, "Why did you buy so many damn bananas?"

By the time they called 911 I was laughing too hard to answer and they started calling 911 a bunch of BS. Then I answered and found out that one guy lost his arm. And that they lived in our classroom.



We're doing debating this week. One group chose the topic dating in college and I got my favorite argument why it's a good idea.

In this land of living with parents until you marry, and unisex dorms, and 4-6 roommates, the student offered this point:

"It's good for the hotel industry."



From my student via email:

"Good to have you kris, I'm so pleased that I have a teacher like you're so carzy and pasionate as well as filled with enthusiastic!!"



From a student while I was sick, via email:

I hope you will recover soon, kinda miss your sound~



I somehow pulled my calf muscle in my leg. I'm really not sure how. I messaged Godfrey since he's our unofficial medical expert and asked what I should do. I was having a lot of trouble walking. But when I got back to school gate, Godfrey showed up at the school gate with his bike and proceed to wheel me all the way home.

One of the students who was with us commented in an email to me a little while later:

How are you doing with your left legs!!!?? Are you feeling better now? You really make me worried about you, I hope that is not so serious, and if it's not getting better, you are abound to go to have a check on your legs!! It's dead serious problem!!

I am loved.



For one week, I did speed dating in class. We talk about what dating means, how it's done in the west, where to meet people (internet, party, class, etc), and deal breakers. Then I give them all magazine pictures and they pretend to be someone else, male or female. While it's loads of fun to watch the students pretend to speed date, my favorite part is blowing the whistle between rounds. It scares them to death and wakes me up each time.

Here's how it works:
Each student has a magazine picture of either a man or a woman and pretends to be that person. Sometimes, if there are an odd number of students, two of them work together and talk to one person of the "opposite sex."

Tonight, two male students were using photos of women and were the extras at the end of the row. They decided to make it interesting and pretend they were hookers and tried to solicit each "male" that they talked to, whether the student was male or female.

Only some of the students understood what they were doing.



A student just emailed me about a debate he is going to watch and he's excited. So excited that he wrote, "bra, bra, bra!"

I suggested he use, "rah, rah, rah," next time.

I talked to him the next day, and he said he had copied it off of a powerpoint presentation he'd seen. It's supposed to mean, "blah, blah, blah."

Oops.

---

Photos

"I cannot come to class today..."
Read the top one and then read the bottom one.

Comments

[ElyseandPete]

Hotel Industry...LOL
We're doing debating this week. One group chose the topic dating in college and I got my favorite argument why it's a good idea. In this land of living with parents until you marry, and unisex dorms, and 4-6 roommates, the student offered this point: "It's good for the hotel industry." Sometimes the students are creative and I love it! I have to remember these moments for the moments that they are the typical cookie cutter Chinese student spitting out propaganda they are taught.

[Jessica Hill]

Hilarious
I can see why students can make your job totally worthwhile. Instead of "kids say the darndest things," like Bill Crosby's show, you should start, and host, "Students say the darndest things!"