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Published: October 13th 2011
Haagen Daz
This is not my photograph, but one I gleaned from the internet to show the types of fancy shmancy ice-cream creations one chooses from the ice-cream MENU! Yes, you order your treats from a dessert menu. Decadence--here's just no other word but, I LOVE it! Costs about 79ish RMB or about $12.00 Cdn for dessert. Worth it. Oink, oink. That is the sound of 2 little piggies, Joyce and Carolyn. Once upon a time, on a Monday afternoon in October of 2011, there were 2 little piggies. There had been 3 piggies but one of the little piggies (Dawna) had to go back to Canada prematurely. LOL These 2 women, erm, I mean piggies, craved bad, bad food. Fast food. Greasy fried food--especially deep fried potatoes--mmmmm. With ketchup. Burgers with strips of bacon and loads of cheese. Mmmmmmm. LOL Ice-cold full sugar Coca Colas with which to wash down all the oily treats. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Sweet, cold, real ice-cream sundaes loaded with nuts and chocolate syrup. Mmmmmm. Latte made with real whole milk froth, served up with fashion magazines and in air conditioned surroundings. Ahhhhh. Armchairs into which they could lounge and stools for elevating the feet while inhaling their gastronomic delights and indulging their food fantasies.
Now, the 2 little piggies had absolutley NO intentions of participating in an eating orgy when they woke up in the morning and hatched a plan to spend the day shopping, but you know, of course, that even with the best laid plans, things can go south. Fizzle. Morph. Especially when
Starbucks Heaven
Ahhhhh, one can see it in my eyes....the caffeine rush, the scent of sanity...coffee. Mmmmm. This is a happy little piggy! LOL a Starbucks appears like a mirage out of the mist--poof, there it is....twarn't nothing there a second ago, I swear! LOL Carolyn piggie, spotted the Starbucks 2 blocks before the bus stopped and literally jumped up and down, pointing and grinning like only a little piggie can, announcing to all the other passengers on the bus, in English (you should'a seen their faces, HA!) that THIS was the best day of her life cuz she was GOIN' to Starbucks for a vat of REAL latte. AMEN! Those 2 little piggies clattered out of the bus, hooves clicking on the pavement, and sprinted over to the Starbucks arriving sweaty and out of breath, orders tumbling out of their eagers mouths before even reaching the counter. Sheesh. Poor clerks. Such crazed customers are a bad omen, surely. LOL The piggies giggled and rubbed their hands together gleefully while waiting for their lattes. Once the lattes made it into their hot little hooves they scrambled over to the corner with the big cozy armchairs and fortified themselves with Chinese fashion magazines all the while continuing to sweat. Those piggies sniffed and appreciated their lattes in the most inappropriate sort of way, alarming the
Lost in New York
This creation was a bit TOO 'chocolately' for me, for those of you who know that chocolate is not usually my thing, but it was still quite edible. Ahem. LMAO! other patrons slightly, I think, and exclaimed to anyone within earshot that, at last, at LAST, they had arrived at the gates of HEAVEN. It had to be heaven. Now, where was St. Peter, anyway? LOL. Who cares?! Drink your latte. Try to stop sweating. There. Sniff. There. Slurp. All is better now. Is that global peace I feel? NAW! Just a caffeine orgasm! LMAO. Now with a start like that for our little piggies, one just had to know that this was going to be a trip to the mall to remember! Ooooh, and it so was.
Post latte, strolling through the mall briskly on their Starbucks caffeine highs with latte foam mustaches above their pretty little painted lips our piggies ooooed and ahhhhed at all the nice Gucci and Loubetain. Calvin Klein and Marc Jacobs. They inhaled deeply the scent of the real leather and salivated over diamonds and other sparkly jewel encrusted baubles. Sigh. These little piggies were clearly out of their leagues, but they could dream, couldn't they? They could afford latte, but little else in this pretty, shiny mall. They skittered over to the Walmart side of the mall where they felt more comfortable
Burker King Menu
Looks a lot like back home....sauf the Chinese, of course. :) with others more in their particular barnyard income bracket. And what did they spy, those 2 little piggies? In big bold, golden letters, 2 magical words--BURGER KING! There was no point in denying the lust that reached up and grabbed those little piggies firmly by the bellies and invited, no, compelled them to the counter to COMMAND that 2 loaded Whoppers, 2 large fries and 2 oceans of Coke be served to them. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. The artery-clogging, tooth-decaying delights seemed to take forever to arrive and like guests at the Christmas dinner table, those piggies demolished their fast food in about 4 minutes and maybe 17 seconds. Maybe. It was a good thing that there were no small children or pets to get in their way. There might have been injuries. Accidents. Pigs WILL protect their food! LMAO! Licking off their ketchupy fingers one by one and the wax paper wrappings, though not the best manners, to be sure, pleased our piggies beyond expecations. Wow. What a day. What a great day to be alive and EATING! LOL Burp. Oops. Excuse-moi. where ARE my manners?
With distended bellies it was time to shop again! Reluctantly our piggies bid adieu
to their new friends, the servers, behind the counter at BURGER KING. Bye y'all. We WILL be seeing you again. Burb. We promise. LOL
Once more in the shopping mall the piggies investigated creams, lotions, potions, liquor, candles, potpourri and luggage. Clothing and bags. More baubles. Cosmetics. Chinese decorative items. And things they just had no clue what to make of. After another hour of browsing and becoming tired of admiring more than purchasing the porkly duo reluctantly discussed retreating to the school for the evening's work--going back to the proverbial pig pen. However, fate stepped in to lend a hand.....on the way to the bus stop, the 2 little pigs were Hognapped by Hog n dawz. Or is that Haagen Daz? LOL Well, they didn't see it coming! One minute they were strolling purposefully towards the bus stop, minding their own business, and the next, they had been forced into a couple of deep armchairs, dessert menus thrust in front of them with orders from a terrorist cleverly disguised waitress that they MUST order something delightfully sugary and delicious from the menu--or some poor innocent would be brutally tortured should they choose to forgo dessert. Being good little
Ketchup
So pretty, I think, is this package, and I just love the Chinese on it. They give you ONE little package with your food. We needed 3 minimum to give it that extra ketchupy yumminess! piggies, with mostly working consciences, who didn't want anyone to be hurt because of them, they decided it would be best if they sacrificed themselves to helping those in distress and who were obviously being held hostage in the back of the Hog n Daws house of horrors (the dessert store was evidently a front...shhhh, don't tell anybody....lol). With cheritable hearts they ordered sinful, creamy treats which came on pretty plates, with ice cream wafers in clever shapes and edible chocolate props. Really. I wouldn't kid about edible chocolate props. Wow. It was like something out of a movie! After diving into the desserts like, well, pigs to a trough, those thirsty piggies washed down that lovely sugar and cream with very civilized water with floating lemon wedges. Burp. Oops. Excuse-moi. Where are my manners?
Completely and utterly exhausted now from the exertion of having had dessert and their shopping, the pigs were now free to board a bus for destination downtown to the Guamo Campus. Sigh. They lamented the end of an almost perfect day. They were heard to exclaim as they rode out of sight........wee, wee, wee. All the way home.
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Dawna
non-member comment
What a great story - I laughed out loud! I believe I was there in spirit. Cause I could almost taste that Whopper - not to mention the Hog n daws!! I hope all is well in China - think of you often and miss you.