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June 23rd 2010

Published: June 23rd 2010

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Siem Reap

Replica of a floating village.

So it has been a couple of weeks since I returned from Srok Khmer and I have been trying to gather my
thoughts and put into words what my eyes saw, heart felt, and my soul retained. It is difficult to articulate because of the collection of emotions that ran through my body while I was there. The plurality of emotions that can change from block to block makes it hard to put into words what I am feeling. I found some time through jogging 5 miles @ a lake near my office the other day. First off my ass could not walk any more after I finished so I just sat on a bench and watched the sunset kiss the the top of the lake as it set. Slowly but surely, I grinned as the memories of my Srok Khmer trip pieced itself together. And if I needed any more validation, I saw the scars from insect bites and the heat rashes that were going away to remind me.

I remember the first time I went to Cambodia back in 2005. I remember stepping out from the plane and being mugged by the heat instantly as I was walking

Siem Reap

Sleeping Buddha

into the airport. That heat greeted me once again but this time even worse because it was April and no mercy was granted. I would not want it any other way though. As soon as that heat said "Hello", I knew I was back "home" again and the comforts of San Diego disappeared with the plane that we flew in on.

No longer a Srok Khmer virgin, I had some slight expectations. From my phone conversations with my relatives over there and keeping up with the news, I wanted to witness with my own eyes if Cambodia has progressed in 5 years. Although I came to the U.S. when I was two, before visiting Cambodia in 2005, I never knew what it really meant to be Khmer. That all changed 5 years ago. As soon I as planted my second foot, an epiphany bitched slapped me across the face. For the first time ever, and I mean ever, it felt right. I was "home", finally. For those reading this who are from Srok Khmer, it is hard for us "outsiders" to explain this connection to you. You have to keep in mind, especially for us in the U.S., we

Siem Reap

Greetings

are a diverse nation with all sorts of backgrounds. You generally accept that you are an American first and your ethnicity takes a back seat. Do not get me wrong, I love the U.S. and is forever in her debt for the opportunities that she has given me. But something was always incomplete. That feeling disappeared once I landed in Phnom Penh in 2005. And it was finally cemented in April of this year.

I had a few of objectives with my second trip. The first and foremost was to visit my family in Sasardam. The next was to establish local contacts with educators, NGOs, and other private charity groups. Lastly, I just wanted to slow down and enjoy all of Cambodia. I wanted to enjoy her pleasures but be still reminded of the pain that most of her people endures. I did not want to be just a tourist but come as close as possible to just being considered Khmer. One of my favorite things in life is just to go out of my elements and comfort zones and just absorb, learn, and experience that unfamiliarity and awkwardness ofa situation because it is healthy for the soul. Since

Pattaya

Street shot of Pattaya.

I have been to all the tourists spots, I was content on just exploring randomness hoping it will eventually become stories I can always share.

I will start with my experiences in the country side. One lesson that any new "outsiders" will learn is when you visit family, you will distinguish between those who genuinely likes you versus who likes your wallet. It is sad but the truth. All of my blood family is here so it is a little different for me. I am torn because regardless of how much I gave, I know it was not enough and I could not help everyone. The last trip my dad and I tried to help them out by having them be self-reliant. We gave them capital to start businesses or buy what ever they need (cars, bikes) to fend for themselves. Well after we left, that did not work out so well hence my dad not wanting to visit them anymore. Despite that I remember being overwhelmed with so many emotions meeting them for the first time and it all returned again once my eyes saw my grandma and my aunt. Regardless of what transpired on my last visit,

Pattaya

Street food vendor.

it all went away becausethat family bond is always unconditional.

I love the country side of Cambodia. I love it for its innocence, organic beauty, but mainly for its adversity. For those Srok Khmer virgins, depending on your families' economic situation, it is harsh. Dealing with no electricity, running water, and possibly not sleeping ona real bed will really test your love for Cambodia in a hurry. Fortunately for me I embrace these type of situations and adapted accordingly. Because they
live an arduous lifestyle though, humility becomes your best friend.

Nothing has changed much since my last visit as far as Sasardam's development except for the road leading to Siem Reap is finally done. So your day starts around 4:45am when the god damn roosters start crowing and it ends when darkness takes over in the late evening. That is if you are fortunate enough to sleep between the heat and insect bites. Believe me they know "outsiders'" blood just as the locals know that you are not a local.

So what is there to do? Countryside Cambodia is simplicity at its best. There is no internet or a television to occupy your time. It was

Pattaya

Beach in Pattaya.

a hidden blessing because it forced me to spend time with them. We had nothing but each other so we relied on each other for company and comfort just as I would rely on a favorite TV show of mine back in the U.S. It is strange to say but nothingness galvanized us which in turn solidified our bond for one another. During the day I would spend time with my little cousins. They would take me to gather, pick, and look for anything and everything after they were done with school. Or we would just spend a day sipping fresh sugarcane juice from a bag filled with ice after biking to our neighbors under my aunt's house. All the children love to hear the sound of English spoken so I would get my books and read out loud when they asked. Funniest part is it would Thoreau or Carver, some pretty intense stuff. But they do not care, they just laugh and ask, "What does that mean?" or would try to mimic me as I read. I am always curious to what are the reasons why they are always laughing or smiling when have next to nothing. Maybe it

Pattaya

Another shot from the beach.

is a lack of perspective from their end, but it is admirable. This is the first lesson that they reminded me of, happiness does not always equate with material possessions.

At night after dinner, we would gather and just share stories, laughter, and smiles as we ease into the night. Countryside Cambodia nights are very dark but it soothes rather than scare due to the stars above smiling down on you. So your day starts early and your nights are shortened without electricity but in one day without being cognizant of it, a lot was accomplished. It can not be measured but truly living is about interacting with others, strengthening relationships, and enjoying those subtle moments in life such as taking your little cousins to the market with you or sharing beers with ice with your uncles while they subtly pass on their wisdom and knowledge to you. Other moments that I enjoyed were testing their tolerance for my sense of humor. I have a very sarcastic and egregiously crass sense of humor. What I find cute is that most Khmer girls especially from the countryside are very modest and shy. So for me that just means flashing my

Pattaya

New Year's street party.

ass crack and watching the village girls blush or the sexual innuendo jokes in Khmer. The running joke of the trip was about eggs in Khmer. My female cousins and their friends would ask if I wanted to eat some. I would say in Khmer, "No I have two already and I have been told that it taste better." Get it? I know this is why I know I can not be in a relationship right now. My maturity level outside of my career is still the equivalent of someone in high school. Most of them are so trim and proper they can not believe that I just do it so casually. These moments are sometimes taken for granted by me here. Lesson number two, slow down and embrace those type moments with your close ones.

Because poverty in the countryside is as common as the Starbucks we have here in the U.S., most countryside people are only concerned about their next meal tomorrow. Regardless if they possibly have other agendas, when we visit them, it is a chance for them to do things. You will experience this as well, it is hard to exclude anyone when it is

Pattaya

Street food.

time to do things such as sight seeing. I remember renting a truck and just packing 30 people in it and heading to Phnom Kulen. The biggest enjoyment for me is seeing my little cousins laugh and smile because for the first time for most of them, they are riding in a car and they love it. It is easy to be bitter because it will take a financial and emotional toll on you at times but there is a trade off. It is them making me realize again that life is about the intangible moments and they exemplified this for me daily and I am more grateful to them for showing me that than they will ever know. Their effect on me made me marginally a better person every day I spent with them. My clarity in life sometimes gets blurry with the comforts I have here and grinding daily trying to achieve my tangible goals in life. But I can always reflect on my times with my family and the rest of the countryside people and find inspiration again and for that I am truly thankful. They are my heroes and my compass when I get lost in

Pattaya

More street food.

life.

Although I did visit Thailand and was pretty close to stepping into Vietnam, the other purpose of my trip was to enjoy all of Phnom Penh, Kampot, Kep, Sihanoukville, and Siem Reap. Being a handsome bachelor with money from the U.S., it was not hard to find activities to indulge in. But I will not exploit my own people. I may have my faults and vices but my morals are absolute when it comes to my Khmer people. Out of all the cities I visited, my favorite would be in Phnom Penh. Phnom Penh is a hybrid of new and old, cleanliness and filth, chaotic but controlled. This dichotomy is what makes it unique but also sets it
back. People tell me they either love or hate it here. I love it. The traffic alone can scare an "outsider" to catch the next flight back home. But through out all the madness, there is a certain serenity to
the city that intrigues me. As bustling and fast paced this city is, my favorite moments were drinking Angkor beers on the Riverfront as I watched the world go by at 5 MPH. Or walking around and being invited to

Pattaya

Street vendor.

join some locals as they ate at the street markets and engaging in conversation as we share laughter over food. I did see a more Westernized theme taking over though. There was a plethora of KFCs, Lucky Burgers, and pizza shops. Yes, I did try out the KFC. I had to. It was good. But I prefer my boh chrouek and treuh chhein with bai anytime. I am indifferent towards this change. I just want to enjoy Phnom Penh's quaintness before it becomes too metropolitan for me.

For all of her beauty, Cambodia has her flaws. My last objective of the trip was to find legit sources over there so I can help out somehow since I have the capacity to do so. There are a couple of images that still haunts me today that I can not shake. I know that I can not save the country but I have always been one to champion the less fortunate and this cause is a lot closer to home for me. I firmly stand by my beliefs of choosing empathy over apathy, change over complacency. altruism over egoism, and challenging each other rather than complaining for a better Cambodia.

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