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Asia » Cambodia » South » Kampot
May 15th 2012
Published: May 15th 2012
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Sumatra to Cambodia


We are sat on our bed in our hotel room in Kampot, Cambodia eating crisps and listening to our Cambodian neighbours pumping out some amped up karaoke. There is a man and a woman and they are dueting and have been doing so for the past hour. They are absolutely shocking. Last night they did the same but thankfully there was a power cut which kept them quiet for a while. They are the type of nutters that make X Factor interesting.



So where were we? Ah yes we were in Sumatra and I had the brown apple splatters. After a few days of doing nowt and recuperating we left lake Toba on what was to be one of the more eventful trips of our travels (holiday) to Ubud, Bali. We headed over Lake Toba on the 11am boat which conveniently left directly outside our hotel. The boat decided to trawl the rest of the peninsular at about 2mph trying to find other passengers who wanted to cross the lake. Within about 30 minutes of setting off the boat broke down leaving us stranded for an hour whilst the Captain, Engineer and Crew (all one person) tried to fix the boat. He eventually got it running and we continued to trawl the peninsular for more business. Thankfully we returned back to our hotel at about 1pm just to check if there was anyone else that wanted to cross. There wasn’t. So we eventually crossed the lake and headed off on a 5 hour death taxi back to Medan. Overtaking in South America really could learn something from the overtaking in Sumatra. The taxi driver turned to me just after a decidedly deadly Evil Kenevil manoeuvre and said, “My friend. The rule of Indonesian driving is this. If I want, I can.” He then drove at about 60mph through some roadworks. It was amazing. We arrived into Medan airport, unprepared as usual with no tickets booked. In all the rush of everything we left our hats we bought in Panama in the taxi. So unfortunately we’re going to have to go back to Panama to get some more. We managed to get on the 8:45pm flight to Jakarta then from there we would have to pick up a connecting flight to Bali. Unfortunately this didn’t leave until 7am the next morning which meant we would have to sleep in Jakarta airport. No problemo. We arrived into Jakarta airport, collected our bags then headed outside to find the departures lounge. It was nearing midnight, about 30 degrees and there were people everywhere. We found departures but they wouldn’t let us in until 2 hours before we departed i.e. 5am the next day. So instead of getting a hotel for a few hours (cos I’m a tight Yorkhire git) we decided to sleep in what was a sort of staff canteen/ smoking room. It was lovely. It was nice to see that airport staff in Indonesia are as slack as they are in the rest of the world. In every airport we have visited from Manchester to Jakarta there have been big groups of people hanging around in hi-vis tabards with walkie talkies doing absolutely bugger all. They’re all on the airplane gravy train. Any way after about an hours kip each and a lot of doing nothing we headed off on our flight to Bali. We took a taxi from the airport and finally arrived 24 hours later into Ubud and then we slept.



We were a bit unsure about coming to Bali as some people had said it was like the Costa del Sol for Aussies but others said it was nice. We really liked it. Ubud is a bit of Hindu spiritual centre in Bali so although there were no groups of pissed 18 year old Aussies it did attract people who wear hemp clothing and look like they need a good wash. Nonetheless it was a decent place to relax. We didn’t do much whilst there. We took a trip out to a Hindu temple where I had to where a dress and we saw the terraced rice paddies where I was harassed by about a million kids wanting me to buy crap off them. I don’t know why they go for me and not Judith but they always do. We also walked down to the monkey forest temple which is full of skanky little monkeys which try and nick stuff out of your pockets. There’s loads of idiot travellers (people on holiday) there who let the monkeys crawl all over them for photos. I was desperately holding out for one of them to get full on attacked by a monkey. No such luck I’m afraid. This one guy got his Lonely Planet nicked out of his pocket and the monkey tore all the pages out of it whilst his missus was screaming at her boyfriend to get it back. It was pretty funny. I nearly did one of them LOL’s. People throw the LOL’s around too much for my liking. It’s interesting how many people type LOL in emails or texts (I look over peoples shoulders a lot) but when you look at them they’re not lolling. You’re lying not lolling. Stop lying. So just remember next time you write LOL, just make sure you’re properly lolling because I’ll be watching you. LOL! See I wrote that and I didn’t even laugh.



Whilst in Ubud someone asked Judith if she was a Bollywood actress. Are you serious? I know they’re into using this whitening lotion in Asia but come on they haven’t gotten that pale. Judith’s in control of the sun lotion so there is absolutely no chance of me coming home with a tan. I’m going to have to go to the sun beds with the chavs in Sowerby Vegas before I go back to work just to prove we’ve been away.



Right so we headed off to a little island off Bali called Nusa Lembongan. Holy moly it was hot. We decided to spend our time there not chilling out but doing loads of cool stuff. So in the 4 days we were there we did yoga, snorkling, surfing, yoga, surfing, yoga, diving, yoga in that order. Yes I did Yoga like a proper traveller (person on holiday). I was a bit gutted though as after 4 sessions I didn’t get taught how to do ‘Yoga Flame’, ‘Yoga Fire’ or ‘Yoga Teleport’ like Dahlsim’s special moves off Street Fighter 2. I’d have even settled for learning that cool two armed punch where his arms stretch right across the screen. Maybe next time. Surfing was awesome. I’d never done it before and Judith had had one lesson 7 years ago in Oz. Our surfing teachers were called ‘The Captain’ and one of his mates who in order to pronounce his name I’d have to dislocate my tongue. Need more yoga lessons for that. They were great teachers. The two tips they gave us were, “just balance” and “just stand up” and then they took us out onto the reef and plonked us in front of some 1.5 metres high waves. Threw us in at the deep end. Literally. Actually it wasn’t that deep as I found out when I cut my arse on the coral as I ‘wiped out’ for the 10th time of the morning. I think they must have thought it was going to be a long day when I first sat (sat not stood) on the board and kept falling off. We eventually stood up and I didn’t need stabilisers or anything. I think the longest I stood up for was about 4 whole seconds so I can officially tell people now that I’m a surfer. Yeah! The food in Indonesia was mega. I am now however totally addicted to rice and if I don’t manage to eat some at least twice a day I start having cold sweats like some crack addict. The only problem with Indo food is that you never get what you actually ordered. But whatever you get it will be good.



Whilst in Nusa Lembongan I noticed something weird in my leg. I’d noticed it a bit before in Ubud but this time it had moved. Oh how lovely I’d picked up a hook work in Sumatra. It didn’t hurt or do anything cool it just moved about 1cm a day and itched a little. Judith thought it was weird that I called it Mr Worm but what she didn’t realise was that we had bonded and had a symbiotic relationship and we were untouchable. Me and Mr Worm were going to rule the Earth and one day the Universe. Mwaaa ha ha mwaaa ha ha. As we were on a little island somewhere we waited until we arrived in Kuala Lumpur so that it could be treated by a professional with medicine and not by a witch doctor with a voodoo magic. Judith had also picked up something nice in Sumatra which meant that three of Judith’s toenails just decided to start coming off. Mmmmm naily.



We left Nusa Lembongan and headed for Bali airport to pick up our flight to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Obviously we had to do the trip in epic style so from the island we took a motorbike, boat, taxi, plane, bus, train, subway and then the last ten minutes by foot. We stayed just outside Kuala Lumpur centre with a former colleague of Judith’s called Harry and his wife Sarah. Their apartment was really cool with views across the city skyline. We only had two nights there but managed to get out into the city for the afternoon, see the Petronas Towers and go to the quacks to get Mr Worm eradicated. Three days of tablets and he was gone. In Malaysia you can get McDelivery from McDonalds and its free plus a full meal is about 2 quid. Malaysia’s obviously trying to work its way up the world obesity leagues.



Up until this point Judith had kept her gammy toes under plasters but she took them off one night after we had got back from a meal out. Just as I was dropping to sleep she woke me and said, “Stephen have you seen my toe nail? It was still attached to my toe when we got back.” So off she went into the lounge with her head torch on as to not wake the Potter’s and found the little fella camouflaged on their white leather sofa. Thankfully they’ll never find out. Unless of course they read this. Which they probably will.



Our last night in Kuala Lumpur was a late one which meant we had a steady 2 hours sleep before getting up to go to the airport. We arrived in Siem Reap, Cambodia in the sweltering heat to be greeted by our tuk tuk driver who took us to our guest house. We spent our first day in Siem Reap walking round the market and the town getting shouted at by locals to buy stuff off them:



“You buy hat mister”

“No thanks”

“10 dollar”

“No thanks”

“Ok 8 dollar”

“I don’t want one”

“Ok 5 dollar”

“Its not that I’m worried about the price I just don’t need a hat”

“2 dollar final offer”

“Goodbye”



Nothing can be as bad as when we were in Guatemala and this guy was trying to sell me a massive hand made rug whilst I was waiting for Judith. He started at $800 and after 15 minutes of one sided bartering he offered to swap me the rug for Judith’s ‘North Face’ body warmer that I was carrying. No matter how may times I told him I didn’t need a massive rug he just kept dropping the price. I’m going to try this hard to get approach when buying stuff back in the UK. What have I got to lose?



We finished off our first evening in Siem Reap with a well deserved massage. Yes I know we’ve been on holiday for 9 months. We got taken up to a back room which had loads of mattresses lined next to each other. Sounds dodgy doesn’t it? It was. The women started our massage and spent the first ten minutes on their mobiles just giving us a one handed massage. That’s not meant to insinuate anything. The Lonely Planet does however warn about Cambodian masseurs have ‘wondering hands.’ Its not that they’re necessarily offering ‘happy endings’ it’s just that they are not shy. If they wanted something moving out of the way (if you get my meaning), they move it, no worries. Judith can vouch for the wondering hands too so it’s not just me being a weirdo.



We headed off for a couple of days tobying around the spectacular Ankor Wat and its surrounding temples. It was pretty hot though. It was 34 degrees C in our room when we woke up in the morning and then it got hotter as we ventured out through the day. The only thing that annoyed me at Ankor Wat was that they would have these Hindu shrines everywhere with old blokes lighting joss sticks for you to bring you luck. Then they won’t let you leave the shrine till you’ve paid them a donation. It’s funny how you have to pay for good luck.



We are well and truly back on the tourist trail now and are meeting some nice people and also some absolute nonces. I overheard a conversation the other day where some people were complaining about how tired they are from so much travelling. I genuinely don’t understand it. When I’m tired I go to bed early or maybe even have a siesta. Cambodian people however are very friendly and accommodating. I’ll tell you what also is awesome - Cambodian TV. There is Chinese kung fu films on it all the time with really really bad Cambodian dubbing. There is also a highly exciting channel that shows airplane arrival times. The TV in our room in Siem Reap was well dodgy and would only work if we charged the lap top up at the same time.



Judith and I have been together every single day since we started our trip together and we’re still finding new stuff out about each other. I found out the other day that she once saw Bruce Willis singing live in concert in Paris. How good is that?



This has absolutely no relevance to anything but have you heard that Leeds based indie pop legends ‘defender’ have put new (not that new) tracks on their myspace? Yeah me neither. http://www.myspace.com/defenderleeds Hits include fan (Sandi) favourites ‘Wave’, ‘Truck’ and ‘I Can’t Explain’. It may look like defender have been recording tracks whilst I’ve been away but we did them about a month before I left and they’ve been in post production (on a CD in Danny’s boot) for 10 months.



We left Siem Reap and headed down to a town called Battambang where we were to experience a bit more Cambodian culture. Married Cambodian women wear pyjamas all the time. I keep telling Judith not to get any ideas. A lot of people also walk around with those funny surgical masks on. I always thought that the metal one which Shredder off of Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles wore was for protection against ninja weapons but it turns out he was just concerned about his respiratory health.



We stayed in a home stay in Battambang with a man called Kun but he was cool so I called him Mr Kun. When we arrived I asked him:



“Is breakfast included?”

“No but we can provide a traditional Cambodian breakfast”

“Excellent how much is it”

“It’s free”

“So it’s included in the price then?”

“No”

“Ok we’ll take 2 then please”



Although the free not included price structure was extremely complicated it was actually really good. I never thought fish soup for breaky would be so good. I’ve always been a shreddies kind of guy. He sent us the recipe so if you are lucky when we get home we may cook you some. Yummy. We took a day trip out around Battambang on a tuk tuk with this mentalist called Tin. He talked in a really weird Cambodian Cockney accent like he’d learnt his English off Jamie Oliver. So mental Tin took us to a few temples and we saw this bat cave where millions of bats flew out of it at sun down. We also saw the killing cave where Pol Pot (not the fat opera singer from Britain’s Got Talent) and the Khmer Rouge killed thousands of people. It was pretty grim. We also met a French speaking Cambodian dude who let us look round his old house. The French certainly left their mark here. Cambodian’s play boules, eat baguettes, some older people still speak French and the other day I saw a Cambodian on a bike in a stripy jumper, wearing a beret with a string of onions round his neck. Since being in Asia we have had more ‘I’m glad our parents can’t see us now’ moments than on the rest of the trip combined. I always wondered how 3 people could fit on a moped. After experiencing it, it’s pretty easy actually.



We took a bus from Battambang to Sihanoukville on the coast via a quick 20 minute stop in the capital Phnom Pen. The journey was 5 hours and all the way there they had music videos and karaoke on the TV. In every song there was a common theme. Guy meets girl, they fall in love, guy gets bored and gets new girl, they fall in love, ex confronts new girl, guy slaps about his ex, guy gets bored with new girl and has flash backs about what a good time he had with his ex, his new missus then dies in the most outrageous of circumstances which conveniently helps him in his decision over which girl to go for, he gets back with the ex and the song ends. Happy days.



We headed to a beach called Otres beach which was apparently the least polluted of the beaches on that section of coast line. It was pretty nice although I did see a few suspect looking things floating in the sea whilst having a swim one day. Hasten to say I didn’t go back in. I was also sun bathing on the beach one day when some fat cow came and stood in my sun light. I’m not being rude it was actually a cow on the beach. After a few days relaxing around poo beach we headed off to Kampot where we are now for our last couple of days in Cambodia before crossing the border to Vietnam.



On the way here the taxi driver was constantly on one of his two mobile phones. Sometimes he was on them both at the same time which meant a French lad sat in the front had to lean over and grab the wheel for the driver. Kampot is quite a sleepy little place, world famous for its pepper corn exports. Today we had a traditional Khmer massage at a slightly more up market place that the one in Siem Reap. Still they naturally had wandering hands. We had a foot spa too at the end which made me feel really manly especially when I looked across the road and there was a panel beaters and welding workshop. They were laughing on the other side of their faces when I walked out with perfectly manicured toe nails. Or maybe they were just laughing at me. So in the past few weeks I’ve worn a dress, done Yoga and had a pedicure. LOL! I didn’t laugh just then- actually I died a little inside.



Right must dash I need to pop out and get some more crisps. Oh look I dropped one. Eurgh, Judith I’ve just found another one of your toe nails.



See you in a bit



Ste and Judith x x x x





More photos



Ubud

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150748031802532.403066.581642531&type=3&l=378615a621



Nusa Lembongan

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150748067642532.403069.581642531&type=3&l=ba8f20caf2



Kuala Lumpur

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150805004237532.404899.581642531&type=3&l=40ec122876



Siem Reap

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150805016572532.404900.581642531&type=3&l=aa4878bb19



Battambang

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150805073927532.404903.581642531&type=3&l=8e4e3e995d



Otres Beach & Kampot

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150813866762532.405806.581642531&type=3&l=895c2f353e

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15th May 2012

LOL!!
Hi, Ste and Judith!! Thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog!! You guys seem to be experiencing life to the max! Returning to good old Blighty is going to be very strange! Wonder where you'll be when you celebrate your birthday next week? Love (or LOL as your's truly has been using it!! Not the other version!! But then I've always been a bit of a slow numpty!!) xxxxx
16th May 2012

Cambodian music videos and karaoke
We remember those well and remember being on a bus with the same song on a never ending loop...it did our heads in especially as we had our ipod nicked and we couldn't use it to drown out the wailing coming from the speakers! Enjoy Vietnam.
18th May 2012

Cheers thanks. We cannot escape the Karaoke. We're in Can Tho at the moment awaiting our bus to HCMC and there's karaoke going on next door. If you can't beat em join em! Suspicious Minds here i come.

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