Yaa Akoo

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"Yaa Akoo," how a Ghanaian greets a person who is mourning the loss of a person close to them in life. I was struck yesterday with the horrible news of one of my closest friends, Brendan, from high school who died in a bike accident on Sept. 5th. Another American student on my trip, Claire, goes to Wesleyan and was in Brendan's French classes there. She recieved an E-mail from the Wesleyan listserve and after talking about Brendan with me the whole past week, she was in the awful position to share the news to me after dance class yesterday. To hear of the death of a friend when I am on the other side of the world caused extreme shock and homsickness. My last 24 hours I have been numb and shocked but I know there is no way it will sink in while I'm here. I long to beable to attend his services this week. I hurt for his family so much and for his friends that meant so much to him. My homestay father, who is a pastor, asked me who I wanted him to conduct his prayers for, me in Ghana to help me cope, Brendan in Heaven, or his family. I told him that living in his home is enough help for me to cope, and it is Brendan's family who needs it the most. I've been sharing "Brendan stories" with all my new friends here which has proven to be very theraputic. My American friends here held me while I sobbed and my friend Kent stood next to me with his hand on my shoulder while I called my mom and dad on a payphone on campus here in Kumasi. My dad said I sounded like I was right next door, but I could not feel any farther away.

I don't think I would be coping so well right now if it weren't for my homestay brother Broda. I have become very close to him in the past week and I have never connected so well with one person so quickly. His English is beautiful which has helped our friendship. A British/African twist on English with a mind like no other I have ever met. We stay up late talking on philosophical topics about life, love, friendship, family, God, the U.S., Africa, and the world. I wish you could all meet him. Broda gave me some of the most supportive advice I have ever recieved while in a state of pain from loss. "Adwoa Kate, no one has ever been able to handle death well, the only thing I have found that eases the pain is love." So he advised me to write why I loved Brendan to his family and I think it would really help me to put it all on paper too. I have already started listing somethings while they are still fresh.

So Brendan is vividly on my mind along with about 800 million other things that I encounter here that I have never experienced before. The death of a friend my age is nothing I ever thought I would have to go through, and being here in another world makes it an interesting emotional challenge. Brendan was obsessed with chocolate. To the point that he would spend whole pay checks at this fancy chocolate shop at home. So I bought Ghanaian chocolate for all 18 people in my group and we ate it together in his honor. Cheesy but it helped my group feel like they could do something to help Claire and I get through the rough news. I want to send his family some chocolate. It's made from real cocoa here and its like nothing Brendan could have ever tasted in Red Bank. He would have loved it!

So I'm doing OK. Prior to yesterday, I was the happiest I've ever been in my life. ( no exageration) It was actually a blessing to have heard this bad news while I was higher on life than ever before. Starting really happy has allowed me to stay positive with so many negative emotions.

MY AMAZING HOMESTAY FAMILY -
I have been living with the Opping (pronounced Opong) Family for the past 6 days. My father is a Church of Christ pastor, and my mother, Aunti, cooks like a crazy woman from sun up to sun down (sometimes I have no idea what the food is, but most of the time I can manage to choke it down) She only speaks Twi while the rest of my family speaks enough English to get by. They have 8 children, but I have only met 5 of them. Only 3 of them live in the house with me. I am closest to Broda. He has made me feel more at home than I would have ever imagined I could feel in Africa. He's 26 and has his bachelors in Electronic Engineering and Philosophy, but longs to go to a University in the U.S. so he can get a real engineering job which he can't find with a Ghanaian degree. My sister Abina is 29 and getting married on Oct. 15th. I have been formally invited to the wedding and hope I can make it back to Kumasi to help them celebrate. The baby of the family is 8 year old Nana and she has taken on the role of my mother in the house. She is constantly bossing me around to eat more, telling me what I'm doing wrong, if I smell funny, to do my homework, and that I don't know how to wash laundry. She tells me all of this with these loving huge brown eyes. I'm just glad my door locks or she'd be sitting on my lap every second of the day. Privacy is at a premium. Gabriel Akwasi or Gaby to his friends goes to the University that I'm taking classes at for these two weeks. He's 22, an agriculture major, on the swim team, and so much fun. He's very western and not on the conservative side like his very religious family. He took me out one afternoon and showed me all over campus and introduced me to every single one of his friends. We watched African music videos with a few American Rap videos mixed in, played pool and drank cokes. He's invited me to go swimming next week. It was fun to have a taste of western college campus life for a few hours.

We live right out side of "downtown" Kumasi in an upper middle class neighborhood. Before the image of this so called upper middle class neighborhood enters your mind...read on. Compared to the majority of Ghana, I am living like an African Princess. I have my own huge room with bright blue walls and colorful traditional Kente cloth curtains. There is running water, but just a cold bath , no shower and all laundry by hand. Everything is sooo different. Our house compound is surrounded by a tall thick cement wall with huge iron gates that are padlocked at all times. There are two houses with a courtyard in between where all the washing and some of the cooking takes place. I live in one house with Broda and Abina and the kitchen and TV room, and Nana and my parents live in the other house with the dinning room. I eat dinner with half the family every night depending on our busy schedules. Family and extended family is very very important to Ghanaians. After school a few days I have rode around with Broda, Abina, and her fiance in their van driving to all of their relatives houses to formally anounce Abina's engagement. It is very imoportant that you tell your entire extended family in person so they can approve of her future husband before the wedding. Broda has invited me to his ex-girlfriend's wedding on Saturday and I am getting fitted for my traditional West African outfit for the wedding later today. So excited. Of course it won't be like a Graber family wedding like I am used to but I am sure it will be just as fun in its own African way.

Oh man, the awkward funny moments I have experienced with my new family are endless. Everything from being told that I have to eat the whole chicken bone, to being asked if animals talk in America after watching a Twi dubbed version of Stuart Little, questioning why in the world would I trust a man with blond hair and a black mustache like all Americans do(??), my Ghanaian pastor father teaching me to wash laundry while demonstrating on my hot pink striped underwear, having to introduce my self in Twi to the entire parish of 700 people at church on Sunday, being woken up at 4:30 in the morning to go help sweep the church to prepare for Mass, and having to call Broda to come pick me up at a highway junction after taking 4 cabs to no where and getting miserably lost (Leo, this is when I called you!). That is just a taste of the wild times. Each day gets a little less awkward, but not much. Ahh, the beauty of extreme cultural emersion is invaluable.

I NOW HAVE A CELL PHONE!!!! Broda helped my buy one yesterday on the black market for 1 million cedis (the exchange rate is unreal inflated). I will E-mail you the number if you contact me. Prob not cool to publish it here. I would love to hear some familiar voices.

I am praying to every bush spirit in Africa for Brendan's family and friends at home. Now the importance of keeping in touch with everyone who means something to me has become very strong. I have realized the reality of every second counting even if I'm across the world from most of my loved ones. A few are in Africa and Europe right now too but they feel just as far away. My health has been great (knock on wood) and my spirits are already regaining strength. Pictures to come soon!

Love, Kate

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Comments

[Mama]

We all love you
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to be so far away when you hear the news of the death of a good friend. It is very sad here too. Brendan was one of those people who wormed his way into everyone's heart. Remembering the many amazing Brendan stories will make you laugh. How about the time he left 250 identicle Barbie Doll dresses on our door step? or the test tube clamps clipped to the bottom of your pants? Or comforting you with a visit and a 6ft get well card when you were diagnosed with Celiac disease? He'll always be a part of you. Love, Mama, Papa, and Johnny G