Spoonerism in Port Fortal

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I leave Kampala in a torrential downpour on a bus that, despite having a supposedly fixed departure time, waits around until it is full. The first two hours have competing attractions. A well-dressed salesman somehow spends this entire period giving a pitch for various Chinese medicines. Unlike in the UK or US where he would be ignored - and quite possibly requested to shut up - by all passengers, here most are actually paying attention and he makes a few sales. The competition is the series of amusingly amateurish music videos playing on the bus's lone TV. The nadir is reached by Rude Boy Devoh, whose apparently serious rap entitled "Man-U" sees him name-checking various players who've represented Manchester United over the last 20 years. It's truly appalling.

We lose the salesman at the half-way point and now all eyes are focused on the TV, which is showing a dubbed version of "Kickboxer". However the dubbing is non-standard, with one guy providing the voices for all the characters. Not only that, but he seems to be verbally describing the sequences where there is no speaking but plenty of kicking and punching - almost as if it was dubbed for blind people. There is hilarity throughout the bus when Van Damme busts out some mzungu dance moves.

The papers have recently detailed a staggering number of deaths in bus accidents, with over 30 people and one hippo perishing in the previous week. This is high even by Ugandan standards, and certain companies have been prevented from operating pending maintenance checks. With much government focus on this issue, it's probably as safe a time to be travelling as any.

We reach Fort Portal under dull skies and I'm surprised to find that my rucksack has been neighbours with a number of indignant chickens in the hold. Fort Portal has no fort and the "Portal" part of its name comes from some English chap's surname rather than any implications that it is some sort of gateway, but it is in an interesting region. To the north and west lie the Rwenzori Mountains, aka the Mountains of the Moon, which I remember fondly from "Elephant Adventure" by Willard Price, read in my youth. Their peaks are permanently hidden by mist but their presence is considerable.

The town is compact and significantly more pleasant than Kampala. One immediately obvious difference is the number of short-haired women here, with hair extensions clearly not in favour. Fort Portal also gives me my first sighting of a motorbike fivesome in Africa.

I dine at the same restaurant several times and am amused to find that normal potatoes are described as "Irish potatoes" on the menu. I overanalyse the "chips omelette" by assuming it means an omelette with chips but it does indeed turn out to be an omelette containing chips. There is also a strong Indian influence, with chapatis, samosas, and chai being popular snack items. During one of my meals, a local kid is running around the restaurant - he interrupts his circuits by stopping by my table, beaming happily, then touching my arm before continuing. My white skin clearly has appeal.

One of my days in Fort Portal features heavy rain throughout. I pick up a stray unsecured wifi signal - not the first place I would have expected to find such a thing - and am able to do some research for my next steps. The latest "Red Pepper" is up to scratch - in an article about penis extensions, the scientific opinion of the writer is that fat insertion results in a "deformed whopper with lumps". I find it hard to believe that an English person isn't involved in editing this masterpiece. It's interesting that casual browsers are deterred here by all papers being sold with a couple of staples holding them closed.

I hear several times that witchcraft is still thriving in parts of the country - these tales usually invove grisly human sacrifices. But there are plenty of adverts in the newspapers to suggest that there is money in such quackery. The list of services offered includes "weapon enlargement (in 3 days)", "change of gender during pregnancy", "unserious lovers become tamed", "one minute men (15 minutes)", and the frightening "develop twin towers flaps in 2 days".

Fort Portal also gives me an introduction to what is to become a characteristic of travel in western Uganda - constant power-cuts, generally for many hours at a time.

From the town, I make a side-trip to Lake Nkuruba for a few days (blogged separately) then return and head south.

Dull but possibly useful info
i. A taxi from Backpackers' to the Kalita terminal in town cost USh15,000 when booked through Backpackers'. You could easily get this for cheaper if you arranged it yourself.
ii. The Kalita bus from Kampala to Fort Portal left at 8AM (its advertised departure time was 7AM), took 4.5 hours, and cost USh12,000. Kalita did not appear to have killed any passengers or hippos in recent weeks. I'd read that a Post Office bus also did this route but, when I asked at Kampala Post Office, they said that they'd stopped running it.
iii. I stayed at the Continental Hotel in Fort Portal, paying USh13,000 for a room with shared bathroom (I think only one of the showers has hot water). Breakfast of tea/coffee, omelette and bread was included. The cost without breakfast was USh11,000.
iv. The Gardens is a very pleasant restaurant for both eating and idling.
v. The Rwenzori Travellers Inn served up a rather grim beef dish (can't remember the name) which consisted of a plate of carbs (rice, sweet potatoes, and matoke) and a banana leaf full of a broth containing approximately three chunks of beef.

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Photos

I slipped through the net
Continental Hotel

Street scene
With Rwenzori Mountains (aka the Mountains of the Moon) in the background

I feel like a (bleep) ing idiot
One for the AD fans

Vegetable curry
The Gardens restaurant

Rwenzori Mountains
Aka the Mountains of the Moon

Rwenzori Mountains
Aka the Mountains of the Moon

Rwenzori Mountains
Aka the Mountains of the Moon

Mandela
He insisted I took his photo then wanted money for the privilege

Sunset over the Rwenzoris
Aka the Mountains of the Moon