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Published: November 18th 2011
Arrived at the Averroes Hotel in Yasmine Hammamet.
Checked in at reception, room wasn't ready yet.
Walked onto the beach and within 5 minutes I had got conned. Got handed a baby turtle , and fed fruit and nuts. Had 2 pay £20 now have a homeless turtle 3 bags of nuts and 2 papayas! Bastards! Made the most of the all inclusive alcohol , had an early night.
Day 2 in Tunisia
What I hate most is the fact I have to haggle everywhere! Went into a shop earlier for a bottle of cola and a kitkat. 25 minutes later I had got them from £9 to £2 No wonder the man city owners can buy any player they want selling kitkats at tht price! Was another lunch with the only meat being wild boar! Surely its easier to find and catch a chicken nd sprinkle some piri piri on it than it is to catch a fucking boar! Also the hotel has a cd collection that consists of Simon And Garfunkel and James Blunt doesnt make breakfast lunch or dinner any easier being alone!
Lost my turtle
Got excited earlier when a monkey
was running towards me.Ended up being a cat! Devastated
Going to meet a family that live in a cave on tuesday.Joys
Beer And Weathers Good Though.
Also had to shave the movember tash as it attracted a man from brussells who spoke no english to be my friend. I said to him "where you work? job?" he replied "ohh cock" and ,and a funny face. Moments later he came out with "cheesecake" and smiled I rlly hope he meant the cheesecake at dinner and nothing else. After that I left
Day 3 in Tunisia
Was chillin in the sun then an awkward cloud came and refused to move! Still no chicken for lunch had "Quail" which untill today I believed to be a mythical creature or pokemon!
Went out to the "Medina" which is like an old city. It was like I was in tht Assasins Creed game. Was like a little fort with dark alleys and lots of shops which everyone tried to get me to look at. Had on my sunglasses and ipod on stormed through like a right ignorant prick. Ended up getting lost and panicked a shop keeper took my
earphones out looked raging and said "you speak english" in my panick I replied stupidly "no sorry i dont" and walked away. Visited the marina met ,my first arab drug dealer.Nice Guy.
Had an icecream and seen my friend from brussels he (not surprisingly) got an icecream too,but sat a few seats over and gave me a casual wave. Loss of tash= loss of sex appeal to foreign men. great sucess.
Seen a camel patted it on the head (felt like rug) left before its owner tried to take ,my sandals for touching it.Had beer and went back to the Medina with some balls. Ripped alot of people off playing the poor guy, not so scared of them anymore
Arabnaphobia = Cured
Day 4 In Tunisa
Be gratefull I travelled far and wide as "internet closed" was all I got told using a laptop in a bar cos I bought a beer.
Last night I had dinner with my friend from Brussels. He didnt say much except "boat" alot. I was like "aye I'm going on one 2moro" He then took out his fone and showed me a pic of him on a quadbike
and said 'boat' I was like 'nah pal thats a quadbike, he never got it so I left.
The day started off on a pirate ship where I was promised scuba diving,swimming with dolphins and a bbq. For £25 I was doubtfull. I wanted an authentic pirate experience not a Somali one!I recieved none of the above conned again.
It started off well I got forced to dance to Shakiras Waka Waka, which I didnt mind it was a laugh but then they kept forcing me to dance. Boat was full of O.A.P'S war veternans and cougars. Long story short it was like an episode of glee I couldnt escape from. Old people were grinding on me and I got a fish on a stick for lunch. I got an eagle on my hand and a pic of it, i bought the pic so i can show u all how dissapointed I am it wasnt a dolphin! The only animal I seen was a fish swimming nxt to the boat like a dolphin. Im sure it was just an over ambitious sardine living the dream.
The rest of the trip I sat and wished the musical pirates
were somali pirates. Even there original tunisian music had been autotuned!
Back on land I met a snake charmer he gave me a neckfull of snakes and a lizardand took pics with my camera. he then fannied about poking cobras so they would attack him!
Anyway away to get blind drunk and get a horse and cart home.Just because I can.
Scuba Diving early doors 2moro hopefully goes as planned
Day 5 In Tunisia
Was meant to go Scuba Diving but this was cancelled due to weather conditions at sea. Gutted
Found my turtle though!
Spent the first hours of my day geting my tan on! I was woke up twice, first by a helicopter and then by an old saggy pair of balls wrapped firmly in some speedos! Guy wanted to know if he could take the lounger next to me. Fire in get your excess skin away! Bought a turtle friend for my other turtle!Fiver Bargain!
Was bored and got told, if you dont like the new Medina (place I went to previously,dont go to old ,medina its more hassle) So I put on ,my big boy pants and
thought "I can do this"
I would say it took all of 13 seconds before I was conned and reeled in, I had a few ppl come up giving it "remember me im the waiter at your hotel. "aye very good you owe me money they soon left. Then a guy chased them away said he worked with the government and would show me the entrance.
Minutes later I was having sunday lunch with his family...food wasnt upto much but the tea was amazing! he said this was all tradition and it would be rude to refuse.
He sounded so convincing!
After tht I was taken to his "brother inlaws" shop where I felt I had to buy because they just fed me. I got a bangle and spices for my mum. He wanted 120 quid cos of the weight of the "silver" I said £20 final offer. He settled and I got the fuck out of there was gonna take lots of pics ended up getting a video of me lost in tiny alleyways shittin it! buildings were so high there was no sign of an exit.
Eventually I escaped and anyone
that approached me on the way to my taxi got a stern "fuck off" sick of being kind to arabs with an agenda!
The taxi in and out was shitnin never have I spent so much time driving towards oncoming traffic.
Shit day!
Got a pic of me and my friend from Brussels. He reminds me of John Locke from Lost (before he went bad)
Up at 04:40 tomorrow to go to the Sahara meet people that live in Caves and visit El Jem (Colliseum used in Gladiator)
Im guessing internet aint too good in the Sahara so days 6 and 7 u will probably get on tuesday:
Day 6 in Tunisia
Got up at 5am to go visit the El Jem Amphitheatre that was used in the film Gladiator. On arriving I got into a confrontation with an arab within minutes. I took a pic of the colliseum and his camel happened to be in the picture. He then wanted money off me and I ignored him and walked away with the group. He grabbed my shoulder and said pay now! I said "go fuck your camel" and he went berserk and
the tour guide got him away.
Colliseum was pretty impressive!
Next we headed for a Berber village to go see people who still live in caves. Took 3 hours and there was so much mental stuff goin on out the window. There's people standing on the motorway trying to sell almonds and olives would like to see what happened if people tried selling monkey nuts on the M8, also people selling petrol at 25p a litre from Libya. Lots of people just sitting under trees aswell. Would love to know what they actually do! The scenery in the 3 hour drive went from endless lines of olive trees, to endless desert, then there was a good mile or two of dead sheep hanging from trees.
Finally got to 1 of the 200 familys tht live in a cave, our guide went upto the house and went "see limestone look how it crumble , as he went about destroying one of the windows". Felt a bit wierd just walking in because obviously there was no doors, the woman made me some tea, and her 2 teenagers were sitting watching tv in a bedroom while I got to go
explore their house! I was dissapointed I was expecting to see primative beings in this cave all dirty with clubs and stuff ,but these were just normal people in a cave...probably lived somewhere else at night. Conned again.
Got some amazing views from the Atlas Mountains!
Another 4 hours of driving in a sweaty box of a bus and I was starting to hate the desert! Never have I seen so much nothingness in my life. And meanwhile on this bus I had to listen to the tour guide talk in English then translate to German and French!
Stopped for lunch got hassled by a boy who was no older than 6 for a pic with his lizard on a string.
Arrived at the Camel trecking place got dressed up like a camel rider and went into the desert.
Camel is now my least favourite mode of transport! Feel like I've tore my groin. The desert was too sandy and there was nothing to see except sand and camel shit. I also thought this was the one place people wouldn't hassle me but I got hassled for a good 20mins from a guy wanting me
to get on his horse and buy some nuts! I don't even know where these people appear from we were in the middle of the sahara desert!. Was good getting to watch the sunset though! Still can't believe how these people live. Feels like I've went back in time.
Seen a donkey and a sheep walking side by side earlier
Sharing a room with a guy from Glasgow and a German. Fun times! Absolutely shattered up at 4am 2moro to watch the sunrise.
Day 7 in Tunisia
Went in a thermal spa in the hotel , was good even sacrificed my boxers as I forgot swim shorts, went comando from tht moment on.Went out in Douz last night looking for the nightlife. Seen a shepherd and a donkey. Went back to hotel, no nightlife. Left the hotel at 4am so we could go watch the sunrise on the salt lake. I had left my bank card in my hotel and only had a few coins to my name so I packed a clear plastic bag full of cereal. Pretty jakey got a few laughs but it kept me fed.
Everyone seemed pretty impressed by the
salt lake, was basically jst a lake thts dry for some much of the year and it leaves all the salt deposits. To me it looked like a nicely gritted car park or the hallglen ashpark after some frost, but on a much larger scale.
First time in my life I've ever watched the sunrise, not gonna lie it was nice, not sure what every1 else got out it I got a sore head from looking at it too long. People clapped once it had risen... I don't get this as it does happen everyday.
We then visited a desert oasis on a horse and cart watched a boy climb a date tree to feed us dates, learned some facts about date trees. Left.
Got it a 4x4 to go upto some mountain village and see a mountain oasis and waterfall. Driver was crazy kept driving off road and into bumps. A stone flew up and cracked the windscreen. Asked driver if he knew Gavin from autoglass, he seemed bemused and just turned the radio up and went faster.
Got out on the mountain, took my cleae bag of cereal with me just to show the
locals I'm just as poor and stupid in a hope they wouldn't sell me anything.
Used my last coin to buy a stone with crystals or something in it. (Bag of cereal had no effect on locals)
Seen the waterfall that was used in the film "the english patient" got a video of a baby cat going mental at me filming it.
Went seen a canyon next...pretty boring.
Had lunch in a 5* Hotel , couldn't afford to drink water as I spent my last coin on a stupid rock. Went to the loo.
Came out the loo and the bus had left. The next 60seconds were the most panicked I'd ever been. I had just been left in some shit village in the middle of fuckknows where with only a tshirt and shorts! Not even any pants. No Money No I'd nothing. Fuck
I sprinted out seen the bus at the end of the street, screamed my head off and luckily sum1 on the bus noticed I was missing and got the driver to reverse.
Panick over.
We then headed for kairosomething (Meant to be the 4th holyest city) I asked
our guide what holyness was measured in and how they had managed to rank this 4th. He had no answer.
Got into the place and it was the biggest dissapointment yet. It was like putting the taj mahal in the scheme. There was a dead camel on the road and the side streets were covered in fecial masterpieces. Freaky little person in a sheet gave me a row for taking a photo of inside the mosque.
Finally back at the hotel going to make the most of the all inclusive drink. Its been an experience. Even travelling myself wasn't too bad, if I can do it mostly drunk and speaking only english and the occasional french or german word then any1 can. If I could change anything it would be the people. Every single one of them. To be fair they are on a shit wage £5 a day and the best I can say is they havnt resorted to crime. They are mostly harmless just intimidating and annoying. The everday sights I have seen here u wouldn't believe untill u see.
Released the turtles back to the wild.
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Leila
non-member comment
Still Laughing
However irreverent, this had me laughing out loud! Chris/Dave, keep on writing!! PS I travel solo, too, and keep a journal but it's nothing like yours! LOL