One score years and thirteen

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Crossing from Mozambique to Swaziland is textbook, an efficient but dull sequence of good roads, empty border checkpoints, then even better roads. Though I'm dropped at Manzini and have to take another minibus to reach Mbabane, Swaziland's capital, it's barely midday when I arrive.

Mbabane is like being back in England, and I can't imagine just how it ended up being twinned with Fort Worth in Texas. It's cold, dull and misty, and there is a shop just like WH Smith's from where I purchase a copy of the Economist, and could even have had Q if I was so inclined. King Pie sells me a couple of steak and kidney pies and the sounds of English are everywhere. I'm cautious about this sudden familiarity - it feels uncomfortably as though I've gone forward in time three months. Will people start to discuss the weather with me? Will I find "Eastenders" on the hostel's TV?

Swaziland has one of only three national monarchies still in existence in Africa, though arguably Swaziland's king wields more political power than in the other two. The country holds the dubious honour of having the world's highest adult HIV infection rate (about 26%, but I've seen any number of different figures) - I've read that this is due to it being a common transit zone between South Africa and Mozambique but this seems unlikely as this is hardly the world's busiest such area. Perhaps likelier is a more extreme version of common issues such as the stigma of being tested, and the lack of popularity of using condoms. Whatever, life expectancy here is less than my age, a staggeringly low value that seems more incredible every time I think about it - I'd need to be about twice my current age to say the same in the UK.

Whereas Mozambique (and many countries further north) was dominated by cellphone advertising, Swaziland is awash with billboards advocating monogamous relationships and the use of condoms. AIDS ribbons are everywhere, in windows and stuck on road signs.

I buy an English language newspaper, which is as entertaining as I've come to expect in Africa. A chicken thief was grassed up by his own mother, when she caught a smell coming out of his room and found him cooking the chicken in a teapot - the story was actually about him biting off the finger of a community policeman who'd tried to arrest him, but the teapot is what sticks in my mind. A member of the government asked village chiefs to ensure that only richer villagers would build their homes next to main roads, so that visiting foreigners don't see substandard housing. The slew of herbal medicine ads includes one for Dr Long Sex tea.

Mbabane turns out to not be a great place for doing admin. The Internet is expensive and woefully slow (a surprise, as the rest of the country's infrastructure seems good), no-one will change my remaining meticais, and no-one - not even Tourist Information - seems sure how I can get to Mkhaya Game Reserve (one of my main reasons for coming to Swaziland due to its black rhino population). I decide to head to the nearby Ezulwini Valley, home to a couple of well-established hostels that I'm hoping will give me more joy.

Dull but possibly useful info
i. Took a taxi from Pensao Martins to Ave Albert Luthuli near the Ave de 25 Setembre end, paying M150. This is where the Swaziland minibuses leave from.
ii. I got there at about 6:45AM but the minibus to Manzini didn't leave until about 8:05AM - the usual issue of only leaving when full. Supposedly these minibuses leave only between 7AM and 9AM. Some conceptual breakthrough in Mozambican transport had resulted in the minibus being given a trailer for people's luggage. The seating was also much less crowded than usual. Was offered the choice of either paying 80 rand (about $11) or M350 (about $12.5). A random guy later tried to tack on an extra charge for my luggage - obviously don't fall for that one.
iii. It took 1 hr 15 minutes to get to the border at Goba. On the Mozambique side, you have to fill in an exit form and get your passport stamped. It's a short walk to the Swaziland side where you have to fill in an entry form and get your passport stamped. The border was pretty much empty on both sides so in less than half an hour we were off again. Note that this border was only opened recently, hence its lack of activity - one downside of this is that there are no moneychangers there.
iv. It took 1.5 hours to get from the border to Manzini.
v. Minibuses to Manzini leave from a different place to where you're dropped off. Ask anyone (and remember to speak English now).
vi. Note that the Swazi currency, the lilangeni with plural emalangeni, is equivalent in value (at least in Swaziland) to South African rand so I'll give all costs in rand (R). Note, however, that once you leave Swaziland then it's really hard to ditch the emalangeni so try to convert them to R before you go - your hostel should be happy to do that.
vii. A minibus from Manzini to Mbabane costs R15 and takes about 30 minutes.
viii. I stayed at Sunset Backpackers, paying R150 for a double with shared facilities. Sunset is the new name (and new location) of what used to be called Grifters, but they've done a poor job of updating the Internet with that info. I can only assume there's been a change of management too, as Grifters was generally highly regarded but Sunset is at best mediocre. The (enormous) staff knows very little about anything to do with travel in Swaziland, even Mbabane, and the kitchen is essentially for their use - the stove is constantly covered in pots either cooking things or standing there containing food for the next meal. It was bad enough trying to get pans and hobs for the risible meals I was cooking and I was the only guest - if they had ten guests all wanting to cook proper food then it wouldn't have worked. The shared bathroom had no shower curtain, meaning the floor got drenched whenever someone took a shower. My room was dark (the window was opposite the kitchen door, meaning people were constantly staring in, so I had to draw the curtains), and the underpowered electric light was at the wrong end so the bed was constantly in gloom. The lack of a towel, rubbish bin, and hooks merely added to its poor value. There are Baz Bus adverts (and condoms) all over the hostel yet it's not on the Baz Bus circuit. It's also about 20 minutes' walk from the town centre. Definitely one to avoid.
ix. I was told that a taxi within the town should cost about R28.
x. Standard Bank accepts Mastercard ATM cards.
xi. I couldn't find anywhere that would change my meticais so you should make sure you ditch them before leaving Mozambique.
xii. Tourist Information has moved to the Cooper Centre, over the road from Nando's. When I finally tracked them down, the sign in their window saying "Tourist Information" was in a font size somewhere around 3. They have maps and brochures but not much other knowledge.
xiii. Swazinet Internet in Swazi Plaza is expensive (R25 for that common unit of time measurement - 50 minutes) and really slow. There must be somewhere better.

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