Testing the Teacher Inside of Me

---

The past week and a half has gone by so fast being busy with school. We didn’t go one a trip this week, but instead enjoyed what entertainment Windhoek had to offer us. I have been getting more accustomed to what teaching fulltime feels like and the ups and downs of classes and behavior issues. The past few days have not been the best with the kids, and I have felt frustrated and depleted by the end of the day. While this isn’t the best thing, and at some times I am feeling lost as to what to do, I also feel like a…teacher. It is a reality that every day in the classroom is not perfect or great. I know that some classes will test and challenge me, and there are times that I just want to sit down and give up. I know this because I have experienced that this past week. What matters is how I respond when I feel this way and how I grow from it.
I have been talking to my teacher about how we approach teaching and managing the classroom. Through talking to her and seeing how I teach here, I have realized that I have a very laid back and relaxed way about handling misbehavior and teaching in general. I try to be proactive with handling behavior issues, but I also let many things go. For example, the other day I gave the students time to study before taking a test and one student was clearly not studying. My teacher was about to shout at him from across the room when I grabbed her hand and explained that I saw what he was doing and why I was not going to do anything about it. I told her that he was not being a distraction to anyone around him and us calling him out would be more of an interruption. Also, if he chose not to study that was his choice and ultimately only affected him. She was very interested in what I had to say and was surprised that I could let something go rather than making a big deal about it.
I have also talked to her about my handling of behavior issues or talkative classes. I told her that, when one group leaves the classroom, my frustration also leaves, because I do not want it to carry on to the next class, or even the next day. This past week has been a challenge for me in this area. I have found myself put in a bad mood by the disrespectful behavior and it hanging with me all day. I still have not figured out completely how to handle it and stop this from happening, but after some reflection today after school I realized why this may be happening: The end is drawing near.
Although I am very excited to go home and see family and friends and face the new, scary, and stimulating challenge of student teaching, I am still not ready leave. I have grown in so many ways here and Namibia is now in my heart forever. At the risk of sounding incredibly cliché, I am not the same person I was when I left Seattle. I have found in me a risk-taker, and a confident and out-going person and teacher. Because of this, I know that I get frustrated in class that the last days of teaching here are not the best and the kids are not behaving well. Somehow I have to compartmentalize these feelings and frustrations when in the moment so that I can highlight the fun, love, and excitement of teaching and learning for both me and my learners here! In order to do so, I am giving the learners and myself a break tomorrow. Rather than continuing with the plan of the syllabus, we will be taking pictures, signing cards, singing, reading stories, writing letters, and enjoying each others’ company tomorrow. I hope that this give us all the energy to have a truly engaging and productive last three days next week.
I have finished writing this with much more excitement for school tomorrow than when I started just a few minutes ago. I look forward to spending time with my learners tomorrow and am hopeful that I will be a teacher with a smile on my face all day, as is usually the case, because there is so much to smile about!

---