Who says you can’t tow a 5-ton vehicle with chicken wire?

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Third world towing methods and other frustrations...

Mt. Elgon, located on the Kenya-Uganda border boasts the second highest peak in Kenya plus elephants famous for licking the insides of the caves to retrieve the nutrients in the salt … however our weekend at Mt. Elgon didn’t include wither of these attractions it was more of a test of how far your patience can be stretched before you lose it.

Departing Saturday morning we arrived, checked into our Banda, unpacked our bags and groceries then waited for a ranger to take us on tour of the caves. Wangaru our ranger sauntered up and we did not start on the best foot - his chauvinistic comments about women driving when Shubha got behind the wheel did not sit well... and it only went downhill from there.

So we took off towards the caves to walk around and maybe see some elephants, we didn’t see any elephants but a lot of elephant poop. According to Wangaru the “elephants have not been here for a long time” (sidenote- they returned the previous week). I may be mistaken but the term park ranger implies some knowledge of the park and/or nature - right? - wrong. So we assumed he would know something, anything to offer while we hiked around? You cannot assume anything here because you will surely be mistaken. All the information Wangaru possessed on the park could be learned from skimming any Lonely Planet guide or leaflet on Mt. Elgon.

My favourite example from the weekend was a little conversation that went something like this…

Karin

What’s that bird?

Wangaru

Hmmmm…there are so many species, I will tell you…

Silence… that was the end of the conversation, no further information provided….

I will tell you

implies forthcoming information, am I wrong?

Wangaru was less than charming, more examples…

As we are walking to the second cave that has a small waterfall covering its mouth, he explained how the mzungus liked to swim there. Odd, since it emptied into a small stream. He actually had the gall to suggest we bathe (yes, he was insinuating without clothes) in the waterfall. Um, no, thanks pervert.

One more example, driving back to the Banda, he was sitting in the front seat with his rifle titled towards the back of the car and directly at my face. I asked if he could please engage the safety and point the gun towards the window. He laughed, I asked again not so nicely, more laughing. Finally Karin and Shubha jumped in and still laughing he pointed it - not exactly out the window but not directly in anyone’s face either.

Even though Wangaru’s presence tainted our afternoon it was not all bad, even though we did not see elephants in the caves we saw some bats, or at least their beady little eyes. The scent of nitrogen inside the caves was overwhelming; as you walked towards the back it became gradually darker as an eerie squeaking sounds surrounded you. We used the light from the camera flash to illuminate the roof, lighting millions of tiny eyes - it was freaky I had never seen anything like it.

Well needless to say once we reached the Banda we were thrilled to be rid of Wangaru. Oh, but we were not so lucky, guess who was one of our rangers for the next morning’s hike to the summit - Wangaru (and his buddy David). After we arranged for the morning, he saunters up to the vehicle

Guess who will be your guide in the morning?

, he says - much to our very obvious dismay. So we explained we were leaving at 6:00 am, that conversation went something like this…

Karin

We will pick you up at 6:00am

Wangaru

No. I will be ready at 7:00am

All three of us

Um, no 6.

Wangaru laughing…

So after we returned to the Banda, relaxed, cooked popcorn and some dinner, listened to music and crashed to prepare for the early morning and hike - the primary reason we came to Mt. Elgon.

It’s important to note there was NO tread on the tires, and it rained all night long… smart move on our part choosing to take the car with no tread to rainy and wet mountain.

From the first hundred metres on the road, I started slipping and slipped off the road twice on the way to pick the rangers. In retrospect this should have foreshadowed what lay ahead…. Everything I knew about driving in adverse weather conditions had to be thrown out the window and I had to let the car do the driving and just try to keep the tires and vehicle and the road and the mountain.

As we took off (which was not until 7:00am by the way) the car continued to slip up the road. The car was in charge, not me. You had to turn the wheel so much just to stay on the road - I looked like someone from an old Hollywood movie swinging the wheel back and forth while driving on a straight road. It was stressful to say the least, once I came uncomfortably close to slipping right off the mountain and down into who knows what. After about two extremely stressful hours we were not even half way to the road head (from which the summit was a 2-3 hour hike) at this point we got stuck pretty bad, the worst all day, and could not will the car to go any further up the mountain. We made an executive decision to turn around because there was no way we were going to be able to summit and drive back before dark. Not a complete lost cause we decided we could hike some other paths and still have a lovely afternoon.

Karin offered to take my place behind the wheel, which I gladly relinquished. So off we go, after no more than 20 minutes we begin to slip this time slipping right off the road and almost down a cliff. If Karin had not stopped the car, we would have gone right over the edge. However, the drop was only about ten feet. Sounds dangerous, which it was, but no one would have been killed it just would have been bad.

So now - hanging precariously off the ledge, one tire is not even touching the ground and the bamboo growing on the side of the road is the main thing preventing us from going straight over. After about a half hour of pushing the car, trying to create friction under the tires with logs and brush we called KWS (Kenya Wildlife Service) for a tow.

About and hour and half later they show up. With, and I am not kidding you, a piece of wire, yes WIRE, to tow the car. They proceed to wrap the wire, just twisting it to the bumper of each vehicle like you would a twist-tie on a bag of bread. Well it goes without saying that after four tries the car had not budged, rather it was slipping further over the edge. The wire broke - twice. But did they bring anything for a plan B, another wire, a chain, a wench, anything. No they only brought one wire (see picture). So… we are frustrated I mean who actually tows cars with wire, I mean I have clothes hangers that are stronger that what they brought. The most curious was that they seemed to be in complete shock that it did not work.

KWS headed back down the mountain for more supplies. Prior to their departure we spent at least 20 minutes focused on the importance of bringing something besides wire, while they laughed directly at our faces at how ridiculous we were not having faith in their wire.

Over two hours later KWS returned, brining a small cheering section to laugh at our misfortune, we were not amused. Even better they brought…. drum roll please…. WIRE! Yes you read correctly - more wire but this one was twice as strong, well then by all means lets use it…

To give credit where credit it due they did bring a tractor. On the first try the wire unwrapped and tractor pulled away. Second try, we thought we would try placing the car in neutral and letting off the emergency break when the tractor started up. But the driver of the tractor took off without notifying Karin to let off the emergency break so the wire snapped - shocking I know.

Before the third try we took Karin out of the driver’s seat and insisted one of their men sit in the driver’s seat and place his life in jeopardy. Well this time they spent extra minutes securing the wire and I’ll be damned if the car was not pulled out.

All in the entire ordeal lasted a little over five painful and frustrating hours, from when we ran off the road at 9:30am until 2:30pm when the tractor finally succeeded. However we did make the most of our afternoon, passing the time playing softball with oranges, watching the clouds roll by and listening to Madonna’s Immaculate Collection (not the entire 5 hours, we eventually ran out batteries). So five hours later, we were finally on our way home, but it was over 3 hours later when we finally hit tarmac. I never thought I could be so happy to see a pot-holed, uneven Kenyan tarmac road.

Did I mention that it took us soooooo long to reach tarmac that we ended up driving home in the dark. Driving in Kenya is like playing a video game - watch the pot hole on your right, the bicycle on the left, the truck coming straight at you and don’t forget the pedestrian starting across the road in the pitch dark less than ten feet in front of you. And to make it even more fun, the lights on out trusty-treadless-car barely work, even with the brights shining you can hardly see 20 feet in front of you.

It was unbelievable - what’s even more curious is that next time someone almost drives off Mt. Elgon, don’t expect KWS to bring a chain, no that same trusty wire will make and appearance with no plan B in sight. No lesson learned…

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Photos

Another perspective
It's not too easy to tell from this picture but the right front tire is hanging completely off the ledge... however it was a little tough to get a close up picture but you can imagine.

The infamous wire...
This was the first wire they brought, it looks pretty tough huh?

View from the cave
Even though we saw no elephants, the view from inside the cave was pretty nice.

Who needs tread anyway?
a view of the mudcaked tires that took us right over the edge...

Tractor to the rescue
and finally with the help of the tractor and another "stronger" wire we were out.