Front row seats at the end of the world

---

Botswana is big. And flat. I'm not quite sure how Raz or Uzi stayed awake to be honest, driving for hour after hour in the stifling Botswanan heat with nothing more interesting than bushes to look at on either side of the road, which stretched for mile after mirage covered mile in a straight line off into the heat haze. In fact they could have fallen asleep for all we know...

Sitting in the back of the Nissan with all of the windows down was like sitting infront of the biggest hairdrier man has ever known. Only you didn't end up with neatly styled hair. Needless to say it didn't make the drive any more comfortable. We didn't really have enough time to see Botswana properly. We were headed South down along the Eastern side of the country. The drive across to the Western half of the country takes a long time; there are really only a few points of interest to see on the way and the lodges in which to stay are remarkably expensive. The Kalahari game reserve and the Okavango Delta are obviously big draws, but they are also expensive and hard to reach - we didn't really have enough time to get there and back, and we couldn't afford it. The two smaller salt pans which we had considered seeing are devoid of life at this time of year as it is before the rains bring the migratory flamingoes and other wildlife, so we decided against the long trip and pricey lodges to see not very much. So we plumped to just head South and see what we could find to amuse ourselves on the way.

Our first stop was a really cool and quiet place called Nata lodge about 400kms South of Chobe. We are now getting into Braii territory proper and the campsite had very nice facilities that actually had hot running water and a place to cook our food. The central bar area had a swimming pool which was cold (Awesome), and they served burgers! The beer wasn't too expensive either. We intended to stop here for a few days, chill out after the drive down from Chobe and stock up on a few bits and bobs from the nearby village before we ventured out into the nearby pan to bushcamp for a night.

When we first arrived we started to worry that we were going to get a bit bored staying there for a couple of nights. Then we saw the bush baby. We were washing some clothes in some sinks in the middle of the campsite which was very empty and quiet for the first night we were there, it was dark and we both had our headtorches on. Then suddenly there were a bright orange pair of eyes staring at us from the top of one of the wooden uprights of the washing shelter. With a silent leap of amazing agility the bush baby jumped horizontally from the post to the wall between the sinks. After a quick look around, and seemingly oblivious to our presence it hopped down onto the worktop, then onto the tap which was still slowly dripping water and had a good long drink from the it then from the pool in the sink. It was the cutest thing ever. And did we have a camera with us..? Did we B@$#%*S!! Always, Always have a camera handy. ARSE!

The bush baby then gave us another acrobatic display of incredibly accurate silent leaping of distances around 6 - 8 feet from one post to another, then from post to tree then gone. Silently leaping off through the trees of the campsite. Then Marianne saw a "stag beetle" which in fact turned out to be a rather large (well large enough) thick tailed scorpion of the dangerous variety right next to where we were standing, completely oblivious to its presence. We're not too sure if this particular one was deadly but we certainly didn't want to find out, the thicker and more knobbly the tail the more dangerous the sting, the thicker and more formidable the claws the less stingy it stungs. They're really horrible little things cos you know it's dangerous, it's very ugly and shiny and black and insecty, and it's FAST. Not the kind off thing you want to stand too close to in a pair TEVAs (although to be honest we'd be surprised if they came anywhere near Adams which are actually starting to look and smell like he's wearing roadkill on his feet).

Seriously, Adam should be a test subject for TEVA. The last pair he broke after wearing them for a total time of 1 week, the alleged anti-smell material they used for the sole having given up the ghost after about 5 mins. This pair at least are in one piece although the soles of both have been glued back together with Shu-glu, the straps look like a load of hairy caterpillars have taken up residence, and the sole seems to have melted either from his feet or the combination of DEET, sweat and deodorant which has been applied liberally in a vain attempt to stop everyones eyes watering when he gets in the car. TEVA if you are listening the anti smell stuff doesn't work. Really.

The sighting of the bush baby got Uzi all excited so we grabbed the cameras and went off on a bush baby hunt. You can spot them a mile off with a torch because their huge eyes reflect like big, organge cats eyes. We followed them all over the campsite marvelling at their Ninja-like leaping, quite pleased to discover their penchant for eating scorpions. This makes them officially the best animal ever - they are easily the cutest AND they eat scorpions. There were also quite a few young about which would kindly just sit there while we attepted to take pictures of them up a tree in the dark. The bigger ones liked to move about, not the easiest thing to photograph I can tell you. Trying to take a picture of one in the dark by illuminating it with a headtorch, for the split second it sits still, and before the local insect population realise that the light on your head is a much cooler colour than the one they are currently aimlessly zooming around is hard. I'm surprised any of them turned out to be honest.

After seeing lots of big animals it made a refreshing change to see creatures of a more manageable size, although not of a more manageable aggression as Marianne found out to everyone else's amusement. Adam, Raz and Uzi were at the camp getting the fire going to start cooking dinner when a panicked scream came from the ladies' toilet block followed by "Adam! Adam! Help me!" We all heroically ran over grabbing whatever blunt objects we could on the way, half expecting Marianne locked in a toilet cubicle with a large cat pawing at her under the door. The reality was slightly less of a threat. Another scorpion of the big clawed variety had followed her from the cubicle she first found it in, into the one where we found her She was standing cowering on top of the toilet seat with her skirt still tucked into her knickers (people who have worked with Marianne: this is the same confident, non-girlie girl you all know and love, honest). The scorpion was standing in the middle of the cubicle doorway loudly clicking its claws, flicking its tail and barring her exit. With its small tail it obviously had a bit of an inferiority complex. We rescued her, but not before laughing a lot.

That night we were treated to one of the most spectacular lightening storms either one of us had ever witnessed. Sheet lightening lit the entire night sky in bright pink flashes, and fork lightening was striking the ground all around us followed by the inevitable booms of thunder, which if our dwindling knowledge of secondary school Physics serves correctly meant were closer than a couple of KMs away from where we were camped. It didn't really fill us with that much enthusiasm for our next stop - the Sua pan - as we would be THE highest lightening conductors for about 400 SQ KMs. Excellent.

Heading into the Sua pan is not a venture to be taken lightly. The guidebook rightly warns of travel anywhere in Botswana off the main thoroughfares, never mind the desert-like wilderness of the Makgadikgadi and Sua salt pans. PEOPLE DIE. Knowledge of 4X4 driving in various conditions is a must, and the various bits of kit like preferably a GPS, or a good map with compass and the ability to read it is a necessity as is a working mobile phone. Plus all of the equipment associated with driving offroad, spade for digging out a bogged vehicle, fuel, food and water for more than your expected stay etc. Vehicles often get stuck and people need rescuing (Nata lodge had a very clear sign up stating "Nata Lodge does NOT provide a vehicle recovery service from the pans").

So equipped with a couple of cartons of fruit juice, a bag of cheez puffs and a road map we set off into the Sua pan.

We're joking of course we had plenty of water, food and fuel. The Nissan was equipped with enough hardware to give MacGyver wood, Raz is a hardened war vet who drove 4X4s around Israel for 2 years and Uzi, also an ex-soldier, had already proved himself a dab hand at spotting charging elephants and staying calm so we were in safe hands.

The drive into the pan starts off along a fairly well trodden path which is used by a lot of the local tour agencies to take tourists to a rock island about 100 KMs into the pan that is home to a few Baobabs. We followed this trail through scrub for around 25KMs, at which point we turned off along a track that marks the Northernmost boundary of the Botswanan Soda Mine and drove for a few more KMs into the pan itself until all we could see in all directions was sand and sky (and boundary markers) and stopped. The sky was darkening, and Marianne was getting a bit nervous of lightening, especially when I decided to practise conduction and clamber on top of the car with the binoculars (and the camera tripod) and have a look around. I know Hollywood uses a bit of artistic license with the bloke lost in the desert seeing a palm fringed Oasis on the horizon, but the heat haze and the mirages make for interesting viewing. The Soda mine building that looked like it was only a few KMs away during the day turned out to be a few tens of KMs away when we walked towards it and realised we were actually looking at an upside down reflection of one of the towers from over the horizon. Very bizarre. Bushes in the distance took on an elongated look and appeared to be people. In fact everything looked like people.

We set up camp in the middle of the track (there certainly wasn't anything coming) and quickly realised that there really isn't much to do in the middle of nowhere. After amusing ourselves with inevitable perspective shots and messing around taking silly pictures of eachother we ate dinner, then sat back to watch a stupendous sunset that looked like an atom bomb going off on the horizon. The colours were just amazing and our eyes had a hard time taking in the myriad colours from bright orange through to deep purple.

During the night we were kept awake by a strong wind that came from nothing in the middle of the night, we think we heard hyenas and there was definitely an ostrich checking us out in the morning. Generally didn't sleep that well as it was a bit spooky being so insignificantly small in the middle of nowhere.

Early the next morning we headed out of the pan the following morning to continue South and see what else Botswana had in store for us.

Here is our travel map: AdnMaz Travel Map

---

Photos

We're on a road to nowhere...
Flat, hot and ... eerrm bushy.

Bush baby's officially THE cutest thing in Africa...
...and they eat Scorpions!!

WHACK!
(Adam can only sit still by a pool for so long...)

Comments

[Laura]

loving the fighting beetles!