Insanity, lost luggage and monkeys.

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August 28th 2006
Published: August 28th 2006
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A huge amount has happened since I left my little slice of paradise in Nova Scotia. Yup, one big giant wad of crap to be precise. Where to start, where to start….

Ok, first off some airport or airliner lost my luggage. Could be in Paris, or maybe it is somewhere in New York, but knowing my shitty luck it is probably on its way to Japan or something. So I arrive in the Congo again only this time I got nothing. Well, a couple of books, one change of clothes, and some gum. No toothpaste, clothes, gameboy, magazines, shampoo, and all the other important junk I need. So yup, there you go. First things first I guess.

At first I spent a day in Paris trying to figure out if my bags are around, which they are not, and then I had a very tasty dinner. Sort of to reward myself for the days work with the airline. Oh yeah I went all out and had the super four course meal in some fancy restaurant. Mmmm nothing beats Paris food.

Next, I spent two very interesting days in Point Noire, Congo. First off, I needed clothes and after searching around the local markets I got some basics like socks and underpants. No regular pants or shirts since they had nothing I could wear size wise or work wise.

Sometime in-between me looking for toothpaste and browsing the souvenir bins for some locally made items to take back home with me, I got approached by a ruffian. Granted I’m usually bigger and stronger than most people, but this little fella had something I did not: A nice shiny blade. Fine buddy, rob me cause I got nothing remember? Oh wait, you probably want my underpants or something. But hey, maybe my luck has changed a little and after yapping to him in my feable French skills he let me go. Maybe it was the line about me having a family and some cats back in Canada, or that line where I told him to fuck a dead goat and piss off back to the gutter. Granted at the time I was only a little bit stressed out from the whole luggage fiasco and the fact that I’m wandering around Africa with barely anything to my name, so maybe I scared him off with my insanity. Anyways…back to the toothpaste.

It is really hard to find toothpastes in Point Noire. I can find lots of beer, and woman who want to sleep with white guys, but toothpaste seems to be off the import list. Ah well, never mind that. Oh and no, I didn’t go for the gals this time either.

Ever seen a monkey caged up? Not like in a zoo mind you, but I mean like caged in a tiny pen and being sold on the road? Now imagine that sight, add maybe 40 monkeys (or something monkeyish anyways), and have them break out while you walk down the road. That is a pretty messed up sight, seeing monkey things flee left and right, some attacking their captors, others climbing into house windows. Total monkey chaos. It gave me a good chuckle.

So my last day at the “safehouse” was spent talking with the bartender, eating a steak, and wondering what the hell am I going to do for another 6-8 weeks without most of my stuff. One thing I can tell you though, is that alcohol makes you forget your troubles a lot. Probably why during the past I relied on it so much. Another thing that makes you forget the mess you are in is seeing a monkey climb over the wall and steal what is left of your baked potato. Yup, that about does it for that night.

After my escapades in Point Noire, in which I have absolutely no proof of since my camera is probably stranded off in some plane flying to South America, I took a nice boat out to where I’m working at. Well, replace nice with “shitty”, and boat with “garbage infested rustbucket”. Since I didn’t have my seasickness pills with me, I puked a fait bit on the 18-hour trip out. Blargh. Damnit I wish I had my camera, as usually I’m very good at taking pictures of everything I see. Call me a camerawhore maybe. I just hope all those years of substance abuse haven’t completely fried my long-term memory, as the events that have taken place are too good.

So now, I’m sitting off Angola or something on this giant barge doing work. They company (after much hassle) has given me some work clothes and the toothpaste I craved. My teeth were really fuzzy I tell you! Still, I got no entertainment since it is probably floating off in Abu Dhabi as I type this, or stuck in some airport in Germany. Trying to find any information on where the hell it is too from airlines is a pain in the ass too.

I work with a guy who breeds rosters. Why? To cockfight. Seriously, he has shown me pictures. Now I’ve pretty much see it all in my line of work: people getting malaria, racist people of epic proportions, people smuggling drugs and booze, you name it. But having to work with a guy who goes on about how his prize fighters make him cash in Louisiana and Mexico is pretty far out. And how come all these interesting people are all from the same three states in America? Maybe it is something in the water.

Oi, I have been typing far too long now. Who knows, maybe this will all work out in the end and I’ll get my luggage back and I can take lots of pictures to throw up on here. In the meantime though, I’ll be bored silly out here in these waters off Angola. Or is it the Congo, or….ah I have no idea where I am. I think I’m off Angola….

Till next time!


29th August 2006

Is it terrible that I laughed my way through this entire entry? Even though you're not experincing the best of times, someday you'll look back at this one adventure and chuckle to yourself. I really would have loved to see the monkies break free. :D

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