Torn and Leaving

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September 4th 2006

Published: September 3rd 2006

Well first off I feel sort of torn. On the one hand yesterday was the first day ever for me to kiss Camillo and he has started to accept it as a given fact. We also accepted the fact that we both equally like each other (finally!). But on the other hand yesterday he once again told me that he wants to try to be with a Chinese woman before he tries to really be with me. There's a couple things about this. Mainly I feel that it's a good idea if he wants to do it and that if it's something that needs to be done it needs to be done. Better him find the person he should be with than constantly regret staying with me and not finding that person. But on the other hand of course I want him to be with me. That part of me is worried that once he finds a Chinese girl all possibilities about me are going to be over. If Camillo is with a Chinese girl he will no longer have to sit around and be bored to death while people speak English around him and he doesn't understand. He'll no longer have another culture to deal with or another language. Communication will be much simpler. But then again Cam says he's been looking for a Chinese woman for a long time and it hasn't happened yet.

So basically we'll just have to wait and see. Back to the drawing board again. It never changes.

As for the leaving part I will be traveling around the world for the next couple of months and will more than likely not be able to write much in here. Tonight I'm off for Beijing and then from there I will start on a tour to Tibet and then a flight to Nepal. I will be bringing a trusty notebook to write everything in as I did with Guangzhou. More than likely when my parents come in October and I am finally able to make it back to Dalian I will write up all these entries. So expect a bit of a gap and then a strange date for tomorrow. Good luck and so long!

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