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Published: August 9th 2013
You'd think after the toll that Kilimanjaro took we'd have headed for a beach for some well earned R&R. Maybe sitting on a lounger in Zanzibar with the waves lapping our toes, pasty bodies transforming into golden Adonis, a local beer in hand, using every opportunity to lure in women with tales of our trek..."I say, is that sun tan lotion you have on? I'll tell you where I used lotion once, it was whilst trekking Kili that..." Crowds would form, men would clap us on the back and women would swoon. And so it would go on. Instead we got to bed at midnight after a few drinks and woke up at 5am to begin a sweaty 8 hour journey back to Nairobi, where we were unceremoniously jammed into a bus with 20 Kenyans and subjected to Christian karaoke worship videos the whole way, queued for an eternity at the border and choked on the dust and exhaust fumes of Africa. I guess as John Lennon said 'Reality leaves a lot to the imagination'.
We were in a slight rush as the day after Kili I began my 36 day tour of East Africa, one that would take me
through 8 countries and include such highlights as the Serengeti and gorilla trekking to name but a couple. I booked with a company called On The Go Tours to overland on one of their huge trucks. All year I debated continuing my independent backpacking and was reluctant to become a sheep herded from place to place on someone else's itinerary, but I was stubborn about that last year with India and although I survived I learnt my lessons. Besides, the tour group seemed a sedate alternative after Kili and it would be nice to not have to think so much about train times, accommodation and safety etc, my only concern each day was knowing what time to get up and what to have in my sandwich for lunch, a little like back home really.
The trucks carried everything we would need: tents, tables, chairs, food etc as well as our tour leader, driver and a cook. We were also assigned chores in teams such as cooking, cleaning the bus, water collection, dish washing and storing luggage, I think it's fair to say I excelled at some and not others. We also had to pitch our own 2 man tents
and being a loner/independent I had to share with a Dutchie called Robert. Thankfully we avoided any Brokeback Mountain moments, except that one time it was really cold but we vowed to never speak of that... Anyway, the basic drill was wake early each day, perhaps 5am an average time to pack away the tents and backpacks etc-which is no mean feat in the dark, not to mention when you're used to your Mum changing your bed sheets. Next was breakfast prepared by the cook where we'd eat our eggs or cereal by torch light and also prepare our sandwiches for lunchtimes. We would then board the truck to begin some epic journeys across this vast continent, the longest being a 14 hour slog through Uganda. On arrival we'd pitch the tents and complete our chores, eat more questionable food from the cook and then relax with a beer, before heading to bed and doing it all again. Cold showers, squat toilets, hard grounds, washing your laundry, mosquitos, power cuts, dodgy roads etc were all prominent features of our daily lives but all added to the experience. It was a nice communal atmosphere with everyone (well, most anyway) pitching in
and getting on and there would be regular stop offs to buy supplies and snacks for the truck. Of course the highlights would be those times where we would pitch up for a few days and have some unique experience such as the gorillas or a safari park, but also simply the chance to just sit somewhere and soak it in instead of being constantly on the move was a blessed relief. My initial group contained an eclectic bunch of 28 people, the age range was 19 up to 60 with a host of nationalities and personalities, some I would gravitate towards and others I would want to levitate off a bridge. We started from Nairobi and headed through Western Kenya into Uganda, looped around in a large circle that encompassed Rwanda, before heading back to Nairobi via a more northerly route. In all it took us 14 days.
Kenya
After one last night in the comfort of a bed we set off from Nairobi for the Masai Mara National Park although we ran into problems. Due to time constraints Dave only had time for a 3 day safari but it coincided with the first few days of
mine and I was told on the phone we would go on the same truck and camp. However 'This Is Africa' and instead we had to settle for different groups and fleeting glimpses of each other at the camps at night, the sight of Dave disappearing to a tent with another man will haunt me forever, for lots of reasons actually. Sadly, the park itself was an anti climax too. I don't want to put anyone off going and realise lots of game safaris are down to sheer luck but I don't feel we saw much. The main event of the year in these parts is the annual migration of two million wildebeest and zebra from the Serengeti to Masai Mara, so I had envisaged Attenborough type film reels of lions chasing down prey and crocs snapping at animals crossing the rivers. To be fair we saw a lot of wildebeest and zebra but they were as common as a hooker with an STD and got boring quickly, but aside from that we only saw one honeymooning lion couple and a single female lion. By the way, we were told that newly mated lions start off having sex every 5
minutes, then it slows to 10minutes and so on until hardly ever. I assume before long they too are spending their Sundays shopping at Ikea or studying colour charts. Apparently most of the lions stay behind in the Serengeti whilst the wildebeest migrate so I hope to see more when I go down there. We also had sightings of a few giraffe, one herd of elephants, some hippos and one teeny croc. But I saw a lot more previously in Kruger Park so maybe I was spoilt, or I'm never satisfied, that's a rhetorical questions thanks.
We also had the chance to visit a traditional Masai tribe, those of the iconic red check clothing, jumping dance and living off their surroundings. It was an interesting experience in terms of seeing how they live and learning about their culture, such as how they send young boys off to live in the wild for five years to fight lions to prove their manhood(big deal, I once walked myself home from the leisure centre at dark and was chased by a dog), or how the women have to rebuild the houses in a new location every 9 years. But parts of it
were a little too commercialised for me, The Masai are famous for being the only tribe to resist colonialism and refuse to adopt western way but I wouldn't say this was evident in our time there. It was a big money spinning exercise with tour buses rolling in every day and they charging a lot to get in, they asked for money at every turn, used mobiles and the site was littered with what seemed the remnants of shopping and carrier bags. I understand times have changed and they need to survive, but with the village and safari combined lets say I wasn't totally enamoured with Masai. Next in Kenya we visited Lake Nakuru, a 2 day stop in the mighty Rift Valley that is famous for attracting huge quantities of flamingo that line the shore. There are also many other birds, rhinos, giraffes and buffalo which we saw, and as with Masai there are allegedly lions and leopards there too but we saw none, I'm starting to think its all a tourist myth. We camped within the grounds of the East African Mission Orphanage and so spent a couple of days there with an inspirational Australian couple who set
it up and the wonderful kids. It was a huge place with 250 children, a school dormitories, football pitch etc and was run really well giving orphaned children to chance of an education through sponsorship. Each child had their own heartbreaking story but as with the orphanage in Uganda it was noticeable how well behaved and impeccable the manners were, I don't think I've ever seen such happy and thankful children despite-or probably because of-all they had been through. Visit their website to find out more as it was a truly worth cause. Next we visited an area called Lake Naivasha where you could do a few activities but none flicked my switch so I chose to have a chilled day and not get the pulse rate above a crawl.
Uganda
After Masai we spent 3 horribly long days traversing Kenya to make our way to Uganda but eventually the endless days of bouncing along dusty roads came to an end. Thankfully the effort was worth it and some of the things we did will undoubtedly end up being highlights of the entire trip. Crossing the border seemed to bring about an almost instant change of scenery and
colour, it appeared much greener and lusher than Kenya. We spent one brief night in the capital Kampala which appeared no different to any other large African city as it consisted of busy bustling streets choked with their infamous traffic, huge supermarkets, newer cars and lots more expats walking around. We pressed on with another long journey to reach Lake Bunyoni which would be our home for 4 nights meaning freedom from duties and tent formalities, facts that were greeted with the fervour of a lottery win. Also, the campsite was good, the scenery across a shimmery lake was stunning, the showers were hot, the bar was large serving cold beer and non-truck food, we could charge appliances and sweet mother of god the Wi-Fi worked. We started resembling one of the Christian karaoke songs such was the delirium. From here we completed our gorilla trek, visited an orphanage and also crossed the border to Rwanda to discover the atrocities of the genocide.
Gorilla trek
The gorilla trek was the main reason I booked this tour and was something I had aspired to do ever since I can remember. We tracked the gorillas in an area known as
the impenetrable forest and it certainly lived up to its name in parts. After a 2 hour bus ride we began the trek accompanied by a lead guide, some porters and two guards armed with rifles to ward off any wild charging elephants. Trackers head out first and find the place where the gorillas slept the previous night, they then follow the trail of destruction until they find them eating and radio us the location. There are only 900 wild mountain gorillas in the entire world so they are an endangered species, although happily the number is rising slowly. Of these, 400 are in this park alone roaming freely in families, and 9 of these families have been habituated to the extent that they will allow humans near enough to gawp at them. My group trekked for 2 1/2hours through some fairly tough terrain and steamy conditions that was mainly uphill, causing me to have some post traumatic flashbacks of Kilimanjaro. Eventually we got the call to dump our bags and just bring the cameras so we set off with only the trackers as they started hacking their way through some thick undergrowth. We descended a fairly steep slope made
up of slippery vines requiring lots of concentration to keep on your feet. Perhaps we were too absorbed but then suddenly, unexpectedly and amazingly he simply stopped and pointed to his left and about 3 metres away was a huge gorilla staring back at us. There it sat plucking branches with human like hands and chewing noisily, only stopping occasionally to turn its big bright eyes on us. There we stood open mouthed and I was especially awe struck whenever it happened to make eye contact. We greedily snapped pictures and then the senses came flooding back, all around us was loud noises of movement and crashes and the guides started pointing in different directions at the other family members. Our family was made up of 10 adult male and female gorillas, sadly there were no babies but they were majestic to watch in the hour that we were allowed with them. They were so much larger than I expected, the lightest weighed 100kg(16 stone) but every fibre of their being exuded power with even the simplest of movements, be it snapping branches, play fighting or simply shifting position brought sharp cracks that you felt in your stomach. But it
was balanced by the human like dexterity in their hands and graceful movements and body positions. The gorillas were fairly spread out and independent, some lazing up in trees, others hiding in bushes munching contentedly but one sat out in the open no more than 2 metres away surveying all before him-the silverback.
I have never been so aware of an animals power and ability to cause me mortal damage than I was when staring at it and yet I couldn't turn my eyes away. It weighed 200kg, around 32 stone, and moved with the power and speed of a freight train, no more so than when it reared up on to its gigantic knuckles, flexed its boulder like shoulders and gave a mock charge towards us for a few feet with a primeval grunt. We were advised that if this happened we should look away and be submissive, well I nearly snapped my neck I turned away so quickly and am sure I uttered a yelp, even the guides were caught by surprise and took steps backwards which unnerved us even more. Thankfully it was for effect and he was just showing us who was boss but he
needn't have bothered, I'd have donned a tutu and sang I'm a little teapot if he'd merely hinted at it. As he sat back down and our breathing returned to normal my penis returned from hiding in my stomach so the guards encouraged us to go closer and take pictures. He was already literally 2 metres away and had just mock charged and they wanted us closer, the trackers only had a sickle for protection and I only had a camera and the ability to become a hermaphrodite. He looked calm though and went back to eating so we went back to taking pictures, not knowing where to look as there were so many around and so much to try and take in. The setting in the middle of the forest and being so close to these creatures was mind blowing, I tried my best not to start an Attenborough speech.
An hour passed by in a blur of wide eyed wonder and our guide had just announced there was only 13 minutes left when we heard lots of movement from behind and realised we were essentially surrounded. In a massive stroke of good luck another family of 14
had wandered into the same area, an apparently very rare occurrence as they tend to avoid each other or fight etc. The family arrived peacefully and they all seemed at ease, even better they contained an even larger silverback and two babies of 3 months and 6 months old so we were very fortunate. The adults ate tree trunk size mouthfuls and occasionally beat their chests-more of a hollow popping sound than what I expected, and the babies tried to climb and imitate the older ones. The silverback sat in the middle, arms folded, looking over his shoulder at us with such a look of "Jesus are you lot still here?" that it was impossible not to think of the 98% genetic similarities we share. After an hour we had to leave and we all gave such a childish aww and stamp of our feet that I think even the silverback judged us. I've written enough now so will save the sickly sweet eulogy but it was simply a unique and once in a lifetime experience that I feel very privileged to have had.
Rwanda
From trekking gorillas and realising how human like they appeared, it was ironic
to also visit Rwanda and discover just how animal like human beings can be, in fact I think that's doing a disservice to animals. I had a vague notion of Rwanda when I was growing up, a genocide in a far away place that didn't affect me was about the extent of it, to go there and find out the truth and the role of the West was a real insight. Its a long blog so the brief history will have to suffice; Rwanda had existed for centuries without a problem until Belgium took control during World War I, upon doing so they decided to segregate all those who lived there into 3 distinct ethnic groups, the Hutu, Tutsi and Twa. They did this based on their own studies regardless of what the people said or centuries of living, if you owned 10cattle or more you were a Hutu, a certain shaped nose meant you were a Tutsi etc, the end split being 85% Hutu and an immediate division amongst the people that had never existed before. Ever since there have been tensions and civil wars between the groups with the Hutu suppressing the others. It culminated in 1994 when
the Tutsi formed a rebellion but failed and the Hutu struck back with sickening fury. Neighbour turned on neighbour, friend on friend, as all Hutu were ordered to do their duty and kill any Tutsi, even moderate Hutu who refused to join in were killed. They forced children to take up arms and join in the fighting as well. The Hutu tortured and killed any they came across by barbaric means, people fled to churches thinking they were safe but the Hutu slaughtered 10,000 in one church alone, some priests collaborated and informed the Hutu. They killed babies and children to wipe out the next generation and used HIV infected males to rape women for the same result. Refugees fled in all directions and for 3 months all was chaos, whilst the international community stood back and either refused to believe or did not want to intervene, the UN had a force there but were ordered not to fire weapons etc, Kofi Annan has since stated it was the biggest mistake of his career. By the end of it 1million Tutsi were known to be dead in just 3months but the death rate is probably higher as they are still
digging up mass graves to this day. Eventually Paul Kagawe formed an army with the help of arms and fighters from the Congo and forced the Hutu army to flee, he has been in power ever since.
Visiting the church where so many died is an eerie experience, the clothes still lie around seeped in blood and there are 45,000 skulls on display below. The genocide museum in Kigali was thought provoking and well done, it really hits home as you realise the extent and we also went to the location of the real Hotel Rwanda. To go to this country today is a surreal and fascinating experience, for one it is breath takingly beautiful, big deep valleys with green sloping sides being cultivated that evokes images of south east Asia. A lot of money has been spent here, the roads are the best in Africa and the capital Kigali is cleaner and smarter than any we've seen, the UK for one has been a major contributor. What is more striking is that life goes on regardless, it was only 20 years ago yet there is no trace of it, people live side by side again and apparently it
is just never mentioned or spoken about it has just been swept under the carpet and consigned to history. I found it bizarre to think that not long ago those people I passed in the streets probably had a machete in their hands and death on their lips. To also realise the Rwanda genocide occurred in 1994 not even 20 years ago and that nothing was done by the international community shocked me further, especially in an age when we seem to dive into oil seeped places like Iraq to 'save' them when it benefits us but leave places like Syria, but I'll get off my soap box for now.
Before leaving Uganda we also visited the 'Little Angels' orphanage which was much smaller and less well off than that the one in Kenya. Again great work is being done here and without trying to sound too much like Lenny Henry (I'm as unfunny as him anyway) they need your money even more and also have a website so check them out if interested. Finally we visited Jinja where I did some white water rafting at the source of the Nile which was a neat circle of sorts as
I saw the mouth of the Nile at Egypt earlier this year. The rafting was grade 5 and very intense, after the gorillas it is the best activity we have done and certainly got the adrenaline going. Twice we flipped and went under, my life flashed before my eyes but it was pretty short and as interesting as a Christian karaoke video so I kicked for the surface and lived to blog the tale. On the way to the border we also crossed the equator which was a novel experience and just about worth a mention.
So that's 2 weeks done and 3 weeks left and it has been a powerful and insightful experience. I can't begin to contemplate Africa without thinking about long journeys, its just a massive continent and takes an age to cross as the roads are terrible but the end results are invariably worth it. I'll save my list of inane musings about Africa in general for the next blog which will cover the next few weeks as I travel down towards Victoria Falls. Sorry its a long blog but a lot happened and has been written on a bus so apologies for the quality
and there are more pictures on the next page, thanks for anyone who stayed awake this long.
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denidax
Deni, Dax and Ella
you're much funnier than Lenny Henry
I loved this blog!... it made me laugh so much that my Dad came in the living room asking what was going on!... I wish he could understand English so he could read it as well :)