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January 14th 2012

Published: January 14th 2012

Today it's snowing in Istanbul. The cars are driving the slowest I've ever seen them move and everyone everywhere has a knit hat. It's also my last day.

I'm not too sure what to say about my last day. I'm disappointed that studying abroad didn't work out for next semester, and my plan to travel around Europe also didn't pan out. Basically, my plans for this year have hardly been met. But I suppose that when making plans a year in advance these things happen...

I guess I'll just talk about what I'll be missing about Istanbul and what I'm excited to see at home (People aside for both parts)

I want to come home to see....

-A real park! Istanbul is a city of sprawl. As time moves on people moving into Istanbul just tack on new buildings. When something happens in another part of Turkey, take for instance the earthquakes in Van, Istanbul is the first place people think to seek refuge. With the swarms of people moving in it's understandable that the city hasn't taken into account grass or trees or parks. Of course there are areas that are green, but you can always hear the cars. You can always see the buildings. There is Belgrade Forest, which is a beautiful forest. The trees all tall and proud and the remnants of the aqueduct greet you at the mouth of the forest. It's great, but it's pretty far away. It's not somewhere you can just walk through and see some nature. My school has many trees, but... that's my school. I'm there enough as it is.

-Not hearing bad club music when I go grocery shopping! This one I can't even try to explain because it makes absolutely no sense to me. All of the stores that play music in them play radio music from a year ago (at least, it's a year old in the US.) When I say all of them, I really mean that. All of them! And as if that wasn't irritating enough, most mid-level-fancy restaurants have large TVs that play music videos. Sometimes they play Turkish music with the Turkish music videos, which is... interesting.. but it's really hard to enjoy good company and food while there's loud music and the flashing colors of music videos. Call me a snob, but it's actually grating enough for me to mention second.

-Knowing exactly what I'm ordering at restaurants. I feel like this makes sense. Not only is my Turkish shaky, I just have no idea what some dishes are. I've gotten a bit better, I know now words like beef, chicken, and lamb, but how it's cooked, unless it's a kebab is a surprise. It's fun, like an adventure every time I order food, but... 5 months of this gets a bit tiring. Oh, and in the food vein, I also miss ham. I don't eat it much usually, but having not eaten a good pork chop in months, I'm craving it. I'll definitely pig out on some (har har har.)

-”Have a nice day!” 'You too!' Now, some people take this exchange to the extreme. And really, when you say have a nice day all the time it kind of looses it's meaning, but the idle banter that comes along with it... I miss it a lot. I get the feeling that just doesn't happen here, or many other places other than the US. If I (knew Turkish and) struck up a conversation with the person behind me in line I get the feeling they'd think I was weird. Friendly might be the second thought, but weird would most certainly be first. It's, I guess, just how it is, but I really do miss the random conversations with those people you don't actually know.

-A reliable power supply. Now I know I'm being a snob, but I've grown very accustomed to just expecting electricity. It's kind of a given in my brain. Here of course there is electricity, but it's not reliable. Sometimes your lights turn out for no discernible reason. For a couple of minutes, for a couple of hours, it keeps you on your toes. Why? Again, sprawl city. I can imagine it'd be really hard to map out the power grid for Istanbul. I mean, even right now I have no electricity. It's ok, I really don't mind it too much, but when thinking about things at home I'm happy to return to, reliable electricity is nice to have.

-Being in the social culture I know. Well, not only that, but just, the friendly culture of the US. Like, when you walk past a stranger in a hallway you don't have to pretend that they aren't there. You don't necessarily talk to them, but it's ok to look at them, maybe a little smile. It's not rude or creepy (or maybe it is and no one's told me.. but I'll just assume that's not the case.) Here if I look a man in the eye it can be interpreted as an invitation to talk to me. So instead of acknowledging someone's presence, I kind of try to walk fast with my shoulders up. Or, making new friends... I've been told that according to Turkish custom if a man says hello to a woman it's rude. If you respect her you wouldn't say hello. So, here's the conundrum: Are the men that say hello being understanding of my customs, or are they saying hello with theirs in mind? Of course I can talk to the Turkish woman, but (and this is an incredibly broad generalization) they aren't too friendly. I have met some really great Turkish women, but as a whole the men are generally friendlier. Which makes it all the more suspicious, why are the men so much nicer...? Decoding someone's actions trans-culturally is pretty difficult, so again, I just kind of walk fast with my shoulders up. I've gotten use to it, but it's really tiring. And I enjoy being friendly me and I'm happy to get back to that.

-Being able to go outside in whatever I happen to be wearing at the moment. Ok, of course you can do that wherever you live, but it's different. In the US if I leave my house in sweatpants it doesn't mean that I'm a gross person, it means that that day I don't want to put on real pants. Some people never feel like putting on real pants, and that's fine. Really, you wear what what you feel like wearing. Everyone has at least one slum-it-day pass. The fact that I see more heels than flat shoes some days says a lot. I've never seen a single person on campus wearing sweatpants (except for fellow Americans.) I once went to the bakery with my hair a real mess and the guy at the counter stopped giving me free food. I didn't really get why he was giving me free food, I thought it was just him being nice, but I guess it was conditional on me always looking nice. Be eye candy and get free stuff I guess? I'm not sure, but really, people just generally stress looking nice more. I blend into the background when I wear my sweats at home. I mean, that's what I'm after. If I didn't feel like putting on proper pants I probably don't want much attention. But here wearing sweats brings you center stage. It's like a statement or something instead of just laziness.

What will I miss...? Well...

-Istanbul, for how crowded and loud it is, it is really beautiful. I'm going to miss the magic of those times that I huff and puff my way up a hill and just as I start to loose faith in the world glimpse the grandeur of everything around me. It's hard to explain exactly what, maybe it's the sprawl and feel of the city that is so amazing. Maybe just how different it is from anything I've seen before. The perpendicular lines are all over each other, buildings on buildings. All different creams, pinks, blues, The terracotta roofs uniting them. The domed mosques with minarets grazing the sky. It goes on for miles in every direction, save where the Bosphorus gently rolls by. I miss parks and grass, but I'll definitely still miss this city.

-The history. This city has so much history, it boggles my American brain. Looking at the antiques sold at the Grand Bazaar I was shocked, they had amazing relics being sold to tourists at the bazaar. Wasn't that really upsetting to be selling their historical items to a bunch of tourists? I asked a vender about it and he said they were too new to be considered relics. To... new? They were older than my country! Not only is Istanbul ancient, but it's been an integral part of so many empires, and the hodgepodge of empires and influences are so fascinating to hear about.

-We don't have the drive thru here, they deliver. Yeah, McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, all the Turkish fast food brands, but even fancy restaurants. I can order a 50TL steak and have them deliver it to my house. Need alcohol? Cigarettes? Drain-o? Cheese? Hell, if you have money it can be delivered. This is the greatest and worst thing ever, but mostly the greatest.

-Cheap food! Self explanatory. So, maybe I don't exactly know what I'm getting, but it's cheap and the veggies are fresh.

-Cheap clothes!

-The honor system is alive and well here. We get our mail in a communal box. This is of course disorderly and I have lost mail in the past, but the fact that people trust each other enough to get their bills the same place dozens of other people root through is impressive. When the bus is crowded and people enter through the back door they pass their cards to the front of the bus to pay. Not only did that person pay when they really didn't have to, many other people take a hold of their metro card that has money in it, pay for that person, and then pass it back. I can't imagine something like that happening in NY. If you get into the bus without paying it's your lucky day, you don't go out of your way to pay. And if there is a five person thick wall between you and another person wouldn't you think of pocketing their metro card? Even the tram system, it would be incredibly easy to try to sneak on. The track is open, when the tram isn't there you could easily just walk onto the platform, but I haven't seen a single person do that. Maybe there is security everyone knows about and that's why they don't do that... but in NY there is security everyone knows about but we still try to save money whenever possible. That can't be it. I get the feeling it's just that the honor system is engrained in the Turkish Society, and it's wonderful.

-The more I walk one road the less boring it gets. I was starting to get use to my walk to the bus stop until one day I saw chickens on the way. It's a main road, there is no way someone would put chickens there in the US, but there were chickens. I realized that under the liqueur store there was a chicken coop. What?! Why does the liqueur store have chickens under it...? I realized that behind the liqueur store there was this whole little region of houses I had never noticed before. I started to pay attention to the unnoticed places more as I walked and I saw that yes, the walk is cool, the sidewalks are crazy and there's usually something new on the road, but beyond that, the little areas you never really notice are really quirky and interesting too. The more I looked the more interesting it got.

-Strays! The stray dogs and cats are sweet. It's like I can play with a bunch of different dogs but never have to actually take care of them. And they're incredibly sweet, many of them are better socialized than many dogs I've met with owners in the US (my own included.) Many of them have little packs and romp around a certain area. Even the ones that aren't fun, they're very distinct. There's the fat cat I wait for the bus with, she has this horrible yeowl she summons from the pits of hell when she sees you have food. She's usually sleeping on a bench and if you want to sit on the bench she's on tough, she won't move. There's the dog with two different colored eyes at the liqueur store, he always just casually watches all the people bustling around him. And the Bogazici dogs, there's one that has all the features of a yellow lab but smaller and shaped like a weiner dog usually seen sleeping on it's side on the grass with it's dog buddies. And there's the cats that hang out in the classrooms, they always provide some comedic relief during class.

Among other things which will take to long to list.

Hmm, this is a pretty horrible post, but I really am at a loss for words. I just can't believe I'm done! I've only just started to get use to my daily routine. Just three weeks ago I stopped having to look at my class schedule to figure out when I had my classes. Now I'm done...? I just discovered some really cool districts and shops, and now I'm leaving...? I'm just not sure what to make of it. I think about going home and I'm elated. I really can't wait to eat ham with my friends. Cuddle with my dog. Talk to my mom. But then I think about leaving all my new friends and being an ocean away from the faces I see everyday and can't help but be sad. It's bittersweet, going home. I'm sure I will see all my friends again in the future, but we won't live together again. It's a bummer.

When I read my first post about what I expected for coming to Istanbul I can't help but laugh at myself. I really had no clue, but how would I? Even if I did have any preconceived notions of how living here was I'm sure I would have been wrong. And even still, Istanbul is an enigma in my mind. I have an understanding about Istanbul, but the only thing I know for sure is that I don't know very much.

I guess I expected to learn a lot about the culture, but instead I learned more about myself. I expected to make many new friends and have stimulating classes. I've only made a couple new friends, but they're people I hope to talk to for the rest of my life, and the classes were boring. I thought I was prepared, having lived abroad before, but that's so silly. It's a different place, different circumstances, why would I have thought them to be the same?

This wasn't the experience I expected. To be honest, I think that I would of probably enjoyed my semester abroad in another country or city more. But even still, I wouldn't change it for the world. If someone told me I would be so ambivalent towards Istanbul and gave me another chance to choose where to study I would still pick Istanbul. I've met great people and had great experiences. Even the not-so-great, it's opened my eyes to a new world, which is after all, the point of being abroad. I think that was my biggest mistake coming into this, expecting to have a fun-filled fantastic adventure. It'll be something different, but whether fun or not can't be predicted no matter where you go. I had no expectations except for fun. Mistake.

But, again, I wouldn't change this for the world. It's been a trip.

But now I go to England for a couple of days to say hello to family and friends and then back to Purchase. I'm excited to see everyone home. It's sad to have my friends all go back to their respective countries, being scattered across the world, but I suppose that's just how things work. People move in and out of our lives. But the strength of relationships can't be judged when they're easy and we see each other every day, it's about those times in between. I guess now is the time I can try the strength of my new friendships.

I guess with that I'll end this post. Probably my last one, or at least until I'm back on the road.

Thanks for reading everyone! Good bye, good luck. Görüşürüz.

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