thedribbleman Found a Place he Could Not Handle

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You can’t help but go in when strippers strategically position themselves at the start, end or both (depending on how you look at it) of Bourbon Street next to the main drag of Canal Street. In fact without even intending it to be, New Orleans became myself and travel buddy Robert Parish’s first strip club crawl. But how did it get to that stage, I came here for the music?



A lot has been said about New Orleans since hurricane Katrina but the comment I listened to the most was that it is back to normal. I originally was going to give it a miss until I was encouraged by locals to head down.



After our long drive from Florida we arrived in rain. Rain hard enough it encouraged us to stay in for the night. One of the many Republican candidacy debates was on TV that night about a year before the real election. It’s one of the fascinating things about American politics is this process.



What happens is majority of the candidates wanting to represent their party bag the crap out of each other for over half a year until a winner is won. Than after saying that his or her policies are bollocks they about face and say I totally agree with this policy it makes perfect and utter sense.



From what I gathered the party was all over the shop with only one guy telling it how it is. In the end there was a proclamation from different candidates of war on Pakistan, Iran and Israel told to fend for themselves. The guy telling it how it is was Ron Paul some 75 year old Texan who was up there giving it as good as he got and then some. Like he didn’t give a shit about politics ‘I maybe dead tomorrow and this is what I think’ gun hoe attitude.



If it weren’t for him the entertainment value would have diminished. I wonder if that’s how he gets some of his sponsorship dollars? I did like how he discussed the root of the problems. Why America is in the problem its in but it was dismissed pretty quickly by the others because they see a Presidency candidate should be positive at all times unless its Obama or a candidate not with the norm so poor old Ron Paul was coping it. Age no barriers in Politics not when Ron Paul’s around.



Partly due to my inpatients I wanted to get moving as quick as possible to make up time from the Florida trip. I wanted to make sure that we had time in California if need be. So with that we only had one full day to cover New Orleans so the option was to drive around or be driven and see the last remaining scares of the hurricane or roam the streets of downtown New Orleans and catch some music… We chose the later.



There is a tram system that provides no change but credit for the next trip, which I didn’t use so the one-way trip cost me $5. For a tourist the service is good but for the local it’s almost useless.



The main areas of interest during the day are downtown where the French Quarter is the main attraction. The French Quarter is the most active for music and for a couple of extra dollars for food and a negotiated unlimited soft drink we managed to sit down and listen to some classic New Orleans music.



This part of my trip was about the music starting with Nashville, blues was important too and in New Orleans Jazz is where it’s at. Especially with the sun out all day we could have spent the day there but instead it was about an hour and we walked a bit more.



We walked down Bourbon street during the day and thought oh man this could be dangerous tonight. Bars at every shop followed by strippers and live sex shows. We walked on knowing that it is going to be very hard to avoid by the end of the night.



We ‘pre-gamed’ well on the back of multiple bud-lights (we got over them pretty quickly) and got a taxi to Frenchman Street. You find out almost immediately that Bourbon Street is the tourist trap that locals don’t go to. The music scene is not there either. It’s about 3 blocks away on the far end away from Canal Street.



We had a South Africa native taxi driver so Scott and I spoke in our best SAFA accents the whole time, which was fun. We entered to hear a live band in a bar and to be honest the night was one flashpoint after another. The beauty of the night was our decision the next day because there was so many things that happened and bars we went to I can’t remember them all, which is kind of what you want from a good night out on Bourbon.



I had to be reminded by Parish the next day that I took a cleavage shot from a normal bar. This is not the strippers yet dribblers. Parish had no real appreciation for the music this night he told me the next day. I got a little in. At the other end of Bourbon St (where it ends before heading back for most tourists) we had one last bar where I suppose we got a drink. The music was good although apart from a bit of a Brazilian beat I can’t recall what it was. So perhaps it didn’t have a Brazilian beat? That’s where our heads were at! Collectively we agreed… We were ready for Bourbon Street.



I will have to get in contact with Robert Parish for any more details. I do recall going into a strip club, than a sex show where two girls acted like they were lesbians and giggled the whole way through. Unimpressed we left but not after acting like we were interested. “Just wait here and I’ll come off the stage and we can talk.” She says, “Let’s leave this place.” and we leave on our own.



Who knows how many more strip joints we went to? And I ask you as a male who appreciates the female body when you get free entry, very reasonable priced drinks, security guards not there to hound you and to top it off some incredible bodies why wouldn’t you? I mean we could have gone up to give a tip and get a lap dance but hey I don’t know what we were thinking.



At one of the last ones I started chatting to a girl at the bar. She’s having a drink I ordered and we actually had a normal conversation (for this time of hour.) She said she had finished her shift after a while and so we chatted a bit more (about stuff I did recall the next day but not now since it was 2 months ago.) I went to hand over the drink that I bought Parish and next thing I know the hot as girl is dancing on stage. Have to point out too that Parish and I didn’t shy away. We were up there at the front all the time. Most other people in the clubs weren’t but pft, whatever.



So we watch and she turns her back to us, all fours, and for some unknown reason I plant a $1 note on each side of her calve high boots. (The other good thing about strip clubs in the US is that it doesn’t cost you much to tip) She turns around and aims up with Parish, she jumps on him and he gets a little lap dance and a motorboat.



She finishes and I say, “Well that’s fucked! I’m the one who paid the money and he gets the dance!” She comes over to me with her beautiful voluptuous breasts with (okay those that want to move on go to the next paragraph) puffy nipples and titty slaps me and rubs them all over my face. My first ever tit slap, I mean it packed a powerful punch. Like “SLAP-SLAP!”



It was at this moment I knew I had to leave New Orleans. I knew I couldn’t handle Bourbon Street. I got through the first night, the next day would have been fine but another night and I would have gone searching for the best breasts I have ever scene in my life. And with that we left with basically no recollection of nearly everything we did accept those extraordinary bosoms.



In a way we left on a high, Robert’s one regret of the road trip would be dare I say not giving New Orleans another night (his was not solely on bosom lady.) But I thought it was a good move. No place in the world have I left on a high note and just left when I had the opportunity to stay. New Orleans will always (even if I go back in the future) will be that I wonder what would have happen that night moment but what I have gained from that mystery is a sense that New Orleans had got to me in the best possible way.



I found a place I couldn’t handle, a place I couldn’t trust myself. Think of all the other places in SE Asia I’ve been to, Africa where women lunge at the rich white male. I could control myself. But a series of free entry strippers with bangin bodies. I couldn’t. Look the music was good but what can I say: “Here’s to you the best mammary glands ever!! Well played!”

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Comments

[Chris and Nikki]

Absolutely hilarious blog. My wife keeps asking me when we're going to visit New Orleans, now I've read your blog I think I'll have to take a visit to see the "best mammary glands ever!" lol

[thedribbleman]

Oh mate you got no idea!!
... No idea