Next Question:

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At the end of a fantastic meal why is it always a fight over the bill? How do I end a perfectly good date without getting into an argument over paying for something I want to pay for? When she fights to pay, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

The survey successfully spanned five guys and three girls.

And it kind of resulted in the fact that we would simply like to be an actively contributing part of a wonderful time. I mean, “I’m an adult, and I am as much part of making this evening happen as you are, so let’s both contribute to it so that we can both afford to have more such evenings”, is what the girls eventually agreed on as common reasoning.

Everybody wants to feel special, and if paying the bill of a dinner date just doesn’t cut it, then maybe you just need to work on other more successful ways of making us feel special (not the spastic kind of special, but more the on-top-of-the-world kind of special – in case you were wondering).

One version of rebellion was: “I think I have the right to pay. Why should I not be allowed to pay is what I fight about. When I ask if I could contribute, I want more of an explanation than a simple ‘No’”.

“Yeah, so I usually say things like ‘I’ll get it this time, you get it next time’, that way I get an assured second date…for totally free!!!” was one response.

But the problem with that is the ‘next time’ thing doesn’t work because the guys who usually say that don’t let you pay the next time…they’re just really good at coming up with creative excuses to prevent you from paying the bill. And although you’re just being very sweet and very thoughtful, at some point you’re going to find yourself at the wrong end of the barrel because, I guess, we just feel that once it has gone beyond a couple of dates and there’s a possibility of it going a few dates further then we should stop bleeding you. What if he has a loan or some other money issues he doesn’t want to tell me about; Why, if I can pay, at least for myself, should I not?

And please remember - ‘Because you’re a girl, and I’m supposed to pay it’ just doesn’t cut it, and neither does ‘No’.

Well, there was one version: “Actually, I think it would be best if she just reached across the table, like even if she didn’t actually want to pay it, just offer – that’s good enough”.

And his previous night’s date said: “He just seemed like the old-fashioned type that'd get offended if I offered.” They still hooked up the following night. So I assume the confusion of To Pay Or Not To Pay exists in both heads at every date…so it’s not just a guy’s worry any longer.

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Comments

[Nikhil]

footing the bill
There are stereotypes that we all conform to, with different levels of adherence ranging from person to person. I think it's a "guy thing" to offer to pay the bill, but most of the time, we're only being nice. Also, guys like to always be in control of things and what better way to show control than to pay the bill. When two (or many) guys go for dinner/drinks etc. there's equal level of control, so the bill alway gets split. But on a new date with a girl, you want to exercise control. It's possibly chauvinist, but but I see plenty of women living up to their "scatter-brained bimbette" stereotypes as well. So both parties are two blame. Conclusion? I have no idea, and I've lost my train of thought!