The Mongol-Pongol™


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September 14th 2010
Published: September 14th 2010
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September 2010
The main drag is called Peace: the only street, road, public place, bar, restaurant, whorehouse, brewery or pet shop in the whole country not called Chinggis. You are amongst murderous warmongers: a fearless, aggressive and worthy people who mercilessly destroy everything in their path.

In Ulaanbaatar, amongst the courageous, belligerent and honorable Mongolians, whilst walking on Peace Avenue, there is one essential travel item which no one should be without: The Mongol-Pongol™.

The first and only Mongolian invention since the horse, the The Mongol-Pongol™ will soon be available worldwide. Marketed under a creative commons license, at zero profit to the inventor, and in anticipation of at least a year's delay until it hits the shops, here are some tips on how to make your own Mongol-Pongol™.

The Mongol-Pongol™ works with almost any backpack. Best results are obtained with the smaller pocket at the back - ideal for keeping money, passport and credit cards easily accessible - protruding rather than flush with the main pack.

Ingredients
• Blu-Tac, plasticine or putty about the size of a golf ball or small apple.
o More organically minded travelers (or where none of those items are available) can improvise with a small apple, though the apple must be replaced every couple of days

• a small packet of old fashioned razor blades, easily available in Mongolia
o Wilkinson's Sword type, easily snapped laterally

• A loop of red or yellow ribbon or similar material, or ideally a woven red and yellow friendship bracelet.

Method
1. Roll your substrate into an egg or rugby ball shape. If using an apple or other fruity substitute, no nothing.

2. Break at least 4 blades in half so you have 8 separate blades.

3. Stick these blades into your substrate or fruit with the actual blade outermost.
a. There is merit both regular and irregular insertion of blades, it is really a question of taste.

4. Leave plenty of space to hold the The Mongol-Pongol™ between thumb and forefinger.
a. NEVER ATTEMPT TO HOLD THE The Mongol-Pongol™ BY THE BLADES.

5. Empty the little pocket of money, passports and credit cards and replace them with The Mongol-Pongol™.

6. Zip the pocket closed and tie a large loop or red or yellow ribbon to the pull tab of the zipper.
a. The large loop of ribbon will greatly facilitate the easy opening of the pocket and be a warning to yourself and others that The Mongol-Pongol™ is secreted there within.

7. Put the whole pack on your back and wander amongst the valiant, violent and upright Mongolian people on Peace Avenue allowing them to freely caress your beautiful bag.


January 2015
After several years as the de-rigeur travel accessory for Ulaanbaatar and surrounding region, Mongol-Pongol Ltd was today taken over by Mongol-Dongle Ltd. ribbon manufactures.

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22nd September 2010

Loving it
Your blog is cracking me up! So so funny! Must read on..

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