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Published: March 28th 2010
The South Gate
And now we enter, over the bridge and into the Ancient City we go...I like being back here....in some ways...I can feel a China more ancient than is to be seen in Shanghai, in many cities in the east, in many cities in China...I was reminded this morning of what it was like to be back in Henan...there was a peasant on the dorm bed next to me...before sleeping he offered me a cigarette and proceeded to nonchalantly light up in the 'non-smoking' room. And this morning I was awakened by the charming act of spitting on the floor (many weeks later, the stain is still there on the wood floor...I know, gross!). This of course primed my habit of 'correcting' the customary habits of people from the countryside, as I had made the unneeded habit of doing when I lived in China before. But the story of my relations with Chinese people will be the subject of another blog. Suffice it to say, it would be better for me, to simply learn total acceptance, just to allow people and things to be, as they are.
And going back to Henan during the annual mass migration, I was tested often to do just that. Immediately, I felt the departure from the cloister of modernity, of Shanghai, which despite retaining it's Chineseness, bears this resemblance with the Chicago to which I had become accustomed. But, adios! I stand in the train with mostly migrant
Entrance to Market
It's amazing to feel the connection between this bustling atmosphere and the China of yesteryear, like observing the, slightly dust covered, flower petals and seeing it bleed forth drops of water that you know flow up from deep and unseen roots. workers, young adults and parents, many from the countryside or from small cities, who live and work in Shanghai, and now make their once a year trip back home. Ah, rest! Rejuvenation! No work!!! Drinking liquor with old friends! Watching tv, and eating food without a care for one damn thing! But wait...I'm still in the train, and that is their experience, but I, I am a stranger. The stares begin again, darting glances, and muffled speaking, if it weren't in their dialect I would probably be able to understand them. The people are unnerved, or nerved by the presence of the laowai (ole foreigner).
After a 6 hour journey on the flash train I arrive in my alma-matar of China: Shangqiu, Henan....and I feel myself slipping deeper into the vortex. I'm slipping into the past; or rather the patterns, the feelings, the thoughts that, 2 years ago, I developed in this place begin to activate. Especially when I see my old friend, Jane. She is just about the only thing that seems to have changed. She's grown now, more mature and more experienced in the 'society.' After I left China, she began teaching full-time at a training school,
The Wall of the Old City
Shangqiu is ancient, and this old city was built during the Song Dynasty, what, 500 years ago? No, more. Maybe 800? Anyways, the walls are, though renovated, still in tact, as is the great moat that surrounds it. As I flowed into this area, the stares increased steadily, and my patience decreased as I descended into my patterns of the past, emotional reactivity to people's negative perception/energy towards me... and has had many trials and travails in her life. Through her, I came into contact with a situation I would meet often on this journey.
You see, Shangqiu, and places like it, are a bubble, an intense bubble. It is a bubble generated by the fact that the presence of the people who have lived in this locality, have barely ever left! Very few people, even though the numbers are increasing, have historically ventured very far from this place. And if you go back into the years, some families have lived in this place for literally HUNDREDS, SOME THOUSANDS, OF YEARS. This creates a bubble, a localized energy, a collective habit of staying put, and this energy pattern is seething in the land, and in the people. Even the millions of migrants workers from Henan, who head over to Shanghai, Beijing, Guangzhou, or any other city to work in factories, they take their circumscribed worlds with them....and at this time of the year, Spring Festival, they return to what many of them identify as their true home, the dwelling place of their true identity. So here, the pressure to 'settle down,' to live what the 'common people' call
a 'normal', 'practical' life, is enormous. But at the same time you have these young, brilliant souls, gaining an education, learning foreign languages, growing up in a world that they now, outside of this bubble, is changing, developing, globalizing....and it beckons to their soul, to their innate desire to grow, to explore, to discover, to realize their self and Reality....My friend Jane, is such a person.
Even though she may feel trapped between the pressures of the collective thinking of her hometown and home province, she is determined to venture out, to 'realize her dream', even though it is difficult to do, and seemingly so many forces are arrayed against her. What it really comes down to is overcoming the forces that are arrayed against them within their own minds, influential thoughts from others, doubts, controlling concepts of 'norms' that, in this place, are seemingly planted in your mind at every corner, and especially when your words indicate that you are departing from the 'norm.' For in China, most people gain a sense of power and identity not by exploring their individuality, but by confiding in social norms, in the group consciousness, and groups beliefs. They also tend to
Waiting Beside the Moat
Here, he waits over the bridge, running over the moat around the old city. See some older houses in the background hold these social norms over people's heads, reminding them of what is the 'way of life', so that, as others conform, everyone feels comfortable because everyone is doing the same thing, conforming to the simple norms of living with which people identify. But if you go outside of it, you stick out like a sore thumb, and people, feeling insecure by your desire to be different, or to be yourself, often do not hesitate to seek to put you in what they deem your place to be.
And what is the norm? Socially it means to get as good a job as possible (that you might have to bribe others, or depend on a social connection to get), start generating income and a stable situation, get married to someone that is socially convenient, buy a house, and settle down. In this way gain a sense of value and superiority, status and money. Intellectually, it means to confide in and continue the way of thinking that has been deemed the norm, and to keep your mouth shut if you deviate. For though in many places, China is quick to change...here it is slow. Or even if on the surface it
Down the Alley
The Alley from the main road that leads to the guesthouse seems to change so quickly, sometimes the thinking is as limited and closed off as it ever has been, and thus so are the lifestyles of the people. But restrictive norms are everywhere in this world present.
I met other friends who were different from Jane. They had already consigned to these norms, forfeited what they admit their heart wanted: to explore, to go out, to travel....it is just not so easy in these conditions...it's easier to consign.
And here I am, listening to these people, trying to understand, feeling the limited thinking of the people, even as they look at me with their jaded eyes. Trying to support my friends that want support, trying to accept those who have consigned and not to disturb them, recognizing that the soul can still be freed, though it lives in a cage.
Accepting my friends that have consigned was difficult to do. It is easier to impose what I find normal than to truly understand the conditions in which my friends live. My friend Vivian, who has decided to 'give up her dreams and fantasies' as she said, pointed out an old woman on the street, cooking up soup
View of the 'hotel'
Nice shot of the lady quickly carrying her steamed buns from the kitchen to the eating area. in a giant metal drum, on her portable food cart. "See that lady, she has been doing this everyday, everyday since I came to Shangqiu, everyday for 8 years, this is all she does, come here and serve soup, maybe she's been doing it for even longer." She was helping me to realize the simple conditions in which people live, the 'normal life' that many are forced to live having little other options. She was telling me that even though she has surrendered her dreams to travel, she still has an opportunity to get a decent job at a school in the city, which is a huge improvement to her family, all of whom live in villages and are not nearly as educated as she has become.
The thing to remember is that, it is no wonder that these are the Chinese people that I am friends with. In places like this, you either have to be generally different to be very interested in being friends with a foreigner, or you have been significantly influenced by one or more of them. I, and other foreigners, brought into their lives, many views, and examples of rather radical lifestyles, very different
Rooftop
From the rooftop of the little guesthouse, I went up to observe the cloud dust, the haze, the scene, Jane is by far one of the brightest things for many miles. from what they get in their society. So it is no wonder that these, my friends, are the ones struggling between the overwhelming pressures of their friends and families, and the possibility for a life of adventure and exploration that ventures way beyond the sea of fields that is the Henan countryside. The thing for me to learn is to continue being myself and presenting what I have to present, but at the same time, to understand their situations, and not impose my ideals on others, but only to lovingly support those who wish for such support.
I stayed in Shangqiu for a week, hanging out with Jane, talking to her deeply, allowing my Mandarin to be influenced by the Henan accent, visiting the ancient city, re-experiencing the ancient mindset of some Henan people, seeking patience, being flabbergasted that I actually lived and got used to this amazing but rather archaic Chinese city. I met some other amazing friends and new friends, all with their own dreams and lives, and sought to, amidst the fog of coal and in spite of my own conditioned biases, understand a land and people that, while nearer to ancient China, is a stranger
Let's take a wrestling break
While working during Spring Festival, hey, there are no students here to eat food (since students populate this restaurant), so lets take time to wrestle on the dirty floor. Why not? I heard the commotion and snapped this money shot in the back room. to me...
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Dad
non-member comment
Geordie, Very good and felt like I was walking with you. Did you also see George and Kevin? Who else? Funny how going back i snever quite the same, even in China ... Thanks for keeping us involved. I miss you . Love, Dad