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Published: August 16th 2008
026a - India - Hannah's opinion
08/12/08
Delusions and Ego
Written by Hannah
Before I start I am going to free myself with this disclaimer: I realize we spent a very short amount of time in India, and only saw one region - and of that region were in predominantly touristy cities. I do not believe that my observations (opinions) encompass India as a whole and I willingly admit there must be exceptions. I also need to state that while planning this trip I tried to talk Nico into allotting India a 9 week stay (which we amended in lieu of getting our Dive Master in Indonesia). Having said this I now give myself completely over to rantings.
The first thing I noticed is the marked lack of women in public. We've been to many countries with varying religious and social beliefs about females, but nonetheless, there were still women present. The first three cities we visited had an average of 200 men to every 1 woman - they were not in the streets or markets or restaurants, we didn't see them walking, on bikes or in cars, they were mysteriously absent from everyday life...which left the feeling of a huge 'sausage-fest' EVERYWHERE you look!
The men here are extremely affectionate...well...with each other and foreign women - not with the women of their own culture. So the scene I witnessed repeatedly is men with arms draped around one another, holding hands in large groups. One of the delusions I witnessed is the difference between reality (circle-jerks) and the media.
Television, (Bollywood) movies, and music videos are as popular here as in the States, and very closely resemble what you would see on MTV. Beautiful women scantily clad with huge augmentations throwing themselves at men. But in the videos there are 20 women to every one man, all struggling, fighting for the chance to peer longingly into the singer's eyes while wiggling various parts of their body to attract attention. As I said, this is not different from something you would see in the States, but the inconsistency to reality is shocking.
I witnessed how this delusion has ingrained itself in the minds of Indian men. Almost every conversation we had led to the topic of sex and how many partners one had. I also learned quickly the difference between a look, a stare, and a leer, the last being so disgusting my immediate reaction is violence. It's disgusting to see someone do despicable things to you with their eyes and think you enjoy it! They really believe this is acceptable, they make truly horrible comments and talk about women all the time...of course only to their other male friends.
I count myself so blessed that Nico was by my side at all times, but even his presence didn't dissuade people from resting their hands on my ass (while we were holding hands no less). My experience would be 100%!d(MISSING)ifferent if he hadn't been there, and we met many single women travelers who enjoyed the country thoroughly. Perhaps I have grown soft in my feminism (Nico is happy about this) but I honestly loved playing the 'subservient wife' through this male dominated society. I didn't have to talk to anyone - and trust me, with over a billion people in this country a lot of them want to talk to foreigners.
One issue we faced that I hadn't anticipate was the enormity of the male ego. In hind site you probably can't have that much testosterone in close proximity with out it, but their pride is vicious. They are offended by everything, especially when it comes to money and what they think they deserve. One of the first taxi rides we had turned into a nightmare, but it wasn't the only time this happened.
Nico negotiated a rate for a auto-rickshaw driver to take us to our hotel, pick up our bags and then drop us at the train station. I hadn't finished packing so he had to wait for us and when we arrived at the station he refused the money because 'he had to wait'! I wish you could see the situation, a sihk man standing in front of his delapitated rickshaw, folded arms, looking down his nose and shaking his head at the money Nico held out to him. Of course many other men came to see what was happening and soon we were surrounded trying to argue with this guy to take the money. Finally I was done, he didn't want the money he shouldn't have it - there are plenty of poor people here and we would give it to someone who would appreciate it. I grabbed the money from Nico and pushed my way through the crowd toward our train. Nico caught up and said he didn't want the guy's son's nephew's brother's cousin to slit our throats someplace so he added some bills to the stack and went back. The thing is this same incident occurred repeatedly (with different excuses each time) - the money that was agreed upon was not good enough and they wouldn't accept it.
But it's not just the rickshaw drivers,, its everyone. Men are offended if you leave a tip because it is never enough, men are offended if you leave their city, men are offended if you don't buy more things from their shop, men are offended if you don't shake their hand when they walk past!
Ego and testosterone go hand in hand and I think I understand now how a cast system was established and held for so long. Although that system has officially been renounced many of the people we met still talk about it: “No, he doesn't drink because of his class, he's a Brahman.” Nico adapted very well to their way of demanding things, he being of the highest class of course ;-) and kept us from getting ripped off many times.
The history of Rajasthan is rout with violence, aggression, and wars, and it is common knowledge that because of the maharajah's selfishness during British rule their state was left far behind in development, education, and business compared with the rest of India. Perhaps it is the spirit of the area that affects my attitude, or perhaps I just wasn't ready for India, but here in this cosmopolitan city of Bombay (Mumbai), where I am writing this from, I can laugh at the last three weeks.
Things have calmed down a great deal since being in Rajasthan. Here we are one in a million...or 16.4 million, and people don't give us a sideways glance or hassle. Before we couldn't walk the street with out people calling to us, putting their hands out to be shaken, or walking along side us staring. Here the city prides itself on the ultra modern shopping, businesses, and 'broad thinking' which is a breath of fresh air for this girl! I won't say I'd come back every year, but I would be willing visit a different area sometime in the future, and give India another shot at winning my heart.
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Gunjan
non-member comment
Its perception and the "preparation" done back home :)
You would not dare to go to a Manhattan alley alone after 7 in the evening, would you? Like all places (including the US of A), you do not, should not, try to be adventurous in certain regions of a country or city. You should have hired a "guide" (he would've "fleeced" you; in Indian rupees, which would still be pocket-change in American dollars) and seen Rajasthan with his help.