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Published: December 25th 2007
After seven months of travelling alone and meeting random travel buddies along the way, I was delighted to have a companion for the next three weeks; My friend Justine was flying out to join me. The past few weeks had been tough. I had only seen one other traveller in three weeks, and it had been quite lonely at times. So the prospect of travelling with an old friend was extremely welcome. We met up in Manila, and she brought me gifts from England which I treated reverently and almost kissed with joy: A large piece of mature Cheddar, a slice of soft goats cheese, and a sausage roll from "Gregg the Bakers". I am not sure whether cheese is a restricted item for bringing into the Philippines, but if so, this would make Justine an International Cheese Smuggler. I was so overjoyed at receiving this cheese that I will need to go off at a cheese tangent for a moment. If you are not a cheese fanatic, then please skip to later in this entry
My world tour has partly been a culinary adventure, seeking out and consuming every form of food. As a devoted cheese connoisseur, I am
me 'n' Justine
dressed up posh for a night of noshsomewhere between passionate and fanatical about the fabulous fermented curd. But so far I have been unimpressed and underwhelmed by the cheeses I have found. The countries of South America generally had two types of cheese, one pale yellow, and one pale orange, both of which tasted identical and very bland. Australia is a disgrace to cheese, with it's "Tasty" cheddar (which isn't), and the politically incorrect cheese called "Coon". The cheeses of Indonesia and the Philippines were completely lacking in taste. To be honest they were a waste of space, a waste of milk and a waste of my tastebud's valuable time. I didn't try any cheese in Japan, although I was disappointed to have missed the Tokyo Cheese Festival by one day. In my humble opinion, European cheese is the best in the world. In particular, three countries deserve the accolade of "Supreme Producers of Cheese" - England, Italy and France. Other countries deserve an honourable mention, such as Greece (for it's Haloumi and Feta) and Spain (for it's Manchego and Mahon). Scotland and Ireland also produce a few respectable cheddars, and Wales can lay claim to some fairly decent goat and sheeps cheeses. But England, Italy and
Sunset on Panglao Island
also known as "Speedo Island" for the hordes of older speedo-wearing men France all excel in quality and variety. The cheddar which Justine brought was an English Cheddar, and it was world class! A tangy, mature and slightly crumbly cheese which was so good that wars could be fought over it. (Although I sincerely hope not though. Wars have been fought over religion, politics and natural resources. Let's hope there will never be a war over cheese). The cheese was a "truckle", which means it was a 500kg cylinder of cheese sealed in wax. I could carefully slice off generous chunks, and the wax would protect the rest. I rationed the cheese for exactly a week, using a mixture of extreme willpower and precision cutting with my swiss-army knife. Justine's last dealing with International Cheese Smuggling was back in December 2005, where she smuggled a cheese into Ecuador for her brother. That particular wedge only lasted three days.
Our first night was messy. It was the first night of Justine's holiday, and I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol in two weeks. Between us we polished off 15 bottles of "San Miguel Light". 5% alcohol, but only 90 calories. If it's half the calories, you can drink twice as much, right?
the snake charmer
Frighteningly large, but very easy to charm. I just said "oooh, you've got lovely scales you have" From Manila we we flew to the province of Bohol. On the airplane, I was seated above the wing and next to an emergency exit. The stewardess asked me if I was capable of handling the Emergency Escape procedures if we crash-landed. I said I thought I would be, and she asked me to familiarise myself with the procedures. She gave me a card with the following instructions for me to follow:
1. Comprehend the diagram for opening the emergency exit
2. In the event of a crash, assess whether opening the emergency exit will increase the hazards to which passengers may be exposed. If the dangers are evident, prevent passengers from using the exit.
3. Store and secure the emergency escape door, so that it will not impede use of exit.
4. Assess the condition of the escape slide, activate the slide, and stablise the slide after deployment to assist others in getting off the slide
5. Assess, select and follow a safe path away from the aircraft
I felt confident that I could handle this, but at the same time, it is a lot to expect from a passenger without any training. Assessing the safety
Filipino Flying Lemur
But not flying at all. Just hanging upside down and being lazy of the situation? Obviously there are situations under which you would NOT open the door. eg if the plane wing is hanging over the edge of a lava-filled crater, or if a group of tribesmen with spears are gathered around the plane, rubbing their stomaches and pointing at a boiling cauldron of water. But generally, it could be a hard decision to make. But we landed safely, so all was well.
From the airport we headed to the island of Panglao. The Philippines has a reputation for older European men seeking young Filipino girls, but this island seemed to be the epicentre. Dozens of men in their forties and fifties were parading round on the beach with young Filipino beauties. I hesitate to implicate any country in particular, but the majority of them were German, with ample beer bellies flopping over the fronts of their jet-black speedos. Speedos for God's sake! I thought Speedos were an extinct artifact from the 80's, along with the Kevin Bacon, the Rubik's Cube, Rick Astley and fluorescent towelling socks.
The next morning we hired a friendly local, Rolly, to show us the sights of Bohol. First we visited the world's largest captive
"can I take it home?"
Tarsiers are docile creatures, but when they want to move, boy do they shift! Greased lightning is slow compared to these fellas snake. She was captured in 1996, and kept as a pet by a small Filipino lady. She treated it lovingly as part of the family, giving it a bath four times a day, feeding it live chickens and even celebraring it's birthday! Interest in this snake mounted, and she now has a visitors enclosure for all to see. The snake is a Reticulated Python, it is 23 feet long and weighs a staggering 200kg! It's girth is 30 inches, which was the wasitline of my jeans when I was in my twenties! On a noticeboard was a letter from an Environmental Agency, saying they had heard the python was being fed live dogs, and could they please stop this practice as it is cruel to the dogs. The lady was so pleased to have received a letter from an internationally-known agency that this letter was proudly displayed for all to see!
After this we visited an environmental centre where we saw the Tarsier Monkey. This is a truely remarkable creature, and cannot be found anywhere else on Earth, only on the island province of Bohol. The tarsier is a nocturnal monkey which is so tiny that it can fit
The Chocolate Hills
There are over a thousand of these dome-shaped hills. None of them are made of chocolate in the palm of your hand. It has ridiculously huge eyes which weigh a hundred times as much as it's brain. It can jump five metres horizontally from a standing position. It can rotate it's had 180 degrees. And it can swim faster than a dog. A miraculous little monkey.
Our next stop was the Chocolate Hills. These are hundreds of dome-shaped hills, almost identical in size and shape, which are scattered around the Bohol landscape. However, they are not made of chocolate. If they were, the women of Bohol would have raided the hills years ago and eaten them to the ground. The name comes from their appearance in the summer, when the unrelenting sun roasts the grass to a deep brown.
We place we stayed at on Panglao Island was lovely, if you could ignore the seedy speedo-wearing Germans. We ate freshly caught seafood which we picked from ice-covered trays beside BBQs. But the weather was unpredictable and rainy, and so we decided to fly 400km West, to the untouched province of Palawan. On the aircraft there were two lights above the seat, which all airplanes have. The first is the No Smoking sign. There is
Lobster Cheeks meets Prawn Cheeks
the freshest seafood was waiting on ice to be barbequed and devoured always an additional announcement to remind people that "smoking is not permitted on this flight". Is it conceivable, in this day and age, that any passenger could possibly think it's OK to smoke on a plane? Do we really need this non-smoking announcement? The second sign is the seatbelt sign. After takeoff, the pilot announced "the seatbelt sign is now off. However, it is the policy of Philippine Airlines that you wear your seatbelt at all times". Forgive me for being stupid, but if it's the airline policy to wear seatbelts at all times, why are they turning the bloody seatbelt sign off? Cathay Pacific and Japan Airlines do exactly the same thing. On a final winge, you now have to turn off ALL electrical equipment for takeoff and landing. This includes MP3 players. Is the i-Pod really so advanced that it can endanger the sophisticated electronics of a multi-million dollar commerical jet? If Apple built planes, we wouldn't have this problem. Imagine, a plane built by Apple. The "i-Plane". I'd fly it for sure
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travellingmum
Bobbie
THis cheese STINKS!!
well now... i think australians will take offense!! ha ha ha .. you probalby just didnt try the right cheese... australia wins lots of awards for its cheeses like vintage, camembert, brie etc .. cause we have lots of cows and lots of room for them to make the cheese taste good!! ha ha ha ah