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It's surreal to think that I'll be leaving here in just a few days. Over the last four months, Amsterdam has become my home away from home, and I'm very conflicted about leaving something that has become such a part of my life.
On one hand, I can't wait to see my friends and family again. As much as I love Amsterdam, I'm ready to go home. Final papers are definitely helping with that transition. All the stress of tying up loose ends at school has cause me to associate Amsterdam with papers and stress and anxiety. Home has come to represent peace and relaxation and fun. I know thats not necessarily the case, but it will make leaving here easier. I'm excited about going home. I want to pet my cat, see my little sister, drive my car, eat some good ole American grease, and go to an American school again. These last few days will seem like an eternity; standing in between me and the things I want most right now.
On the other hand, I don't want to leave. It's not necessarily that I don't want to leave Amsterdam...I don't want to leave this experience. I think I've definitely grown as a person, and I'm sure I'll find out exactly how much I've changed once I get back to the states. I'm afraid maybe I'll have outgrown the old life. I knew who California Lauren was. I know who Amsterdam Lauren is. I wonder who California Lauren that has been to Amsterdam but is back in California Lauren will be. Part of me wants nothing more than to fit easily back into my pre-Amsterdam life. And I think this will more than likely be the case. Once people find themselves in a familiar routine, they quickly get back to the person who's routine it was. I'll get back home and these last four months will seem like a dream. It's the standard case. I'm sure lots of you who travel know how it is....you can be gone for months upon months....years even, but the second you get back to the familiar, it's like that chunk of your life never really happened. You remember it happening...you can recall events and maybe even remnants of emotions that were tied to those events, but its not the same. The only difference is a subtle change. The life you were fine with before seems a little off maybe? Like a puzzle piece that got wet and is now just a wee bit too distorted to fit completely back into is place in the puzzle.
Wow. That was quite a pointless, aimless ramble.
Anyways, the question I fear most when I get back home is "how was Amsterdam?". There are no words that could do it justice. The second I commit my memories to words, they become cheapened and I don't want to tarnish this experience at all. I think I'll just respond to that question with "it was a lot of fun" and leave it at that.
I also vow NOT to be one of those people who thinks they're wise and worldly because they studied abroad. I refuse to say anything along the lines of "Oh....well in X, we do it like this." or "You just don't know what its like because you didn't travel abroad". or any stories like "This one time we were staying in a hostel outside Paris and Oh my god.....I have to tell you about that gypsy....and the road pirate. Omg, we drank so much wine and had *insert crazy misadventure here*....oh, nevermind...you had to be there"
Ugh. I wish I could explain what its like to travel. You people know, but what about the folks back home? Those that haven't been bitten by the travel bug. It's not even the sights, although those surely are a perk...its a ....damnit.....I don't know. Something.
Things I learned in Amsterdam that I will take home with me:
-Living without a tv. I don't need one.
-Walking to the store and buying only that day's worth of food. You save so much money and food by not buying groceries for the next two weeks. I saw a woman buy an entire shopping carts worth of food the other day and I was almost disgusted by the amount of food. It was difficult to remind myself that I easily bought that much food back home.
-Walking or riding my bike whenever possible.
-having lots of potted plants around the house
-Bringing your own bag to the grocery store. Save a tree.
-Scarves, boots, and coats.
I don't want to stop traveling. I'm thinking somewhere in central america for spring break. Then maybe WWOOF somewhere next summer...
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Judith (cousin)
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Suggestion for comments about your experience and sharing when you return to California (which is a different mind set). Pick out a couple of things that truly effected you and share them with sincerity. By the by, when I do my weekly shopping at Trader Joe's I take reuseable bags thereby saving a tree. Safe journey home. Look forward to seeing you . Thanks for the great pictures and commentary.