Does anyone else seemed to get ignored by friends and family at home while they are traveling? Any ideas why people at home seem to pull away?
I thought I was just paranoid at first, but over the past couple of months while we have been away, friends/family at home have gradually stopped replying to texts/emails from me. I can't fathom why. I not horrible, honest!
Is it just a case of out of sight, out of mind? It's beginning to get to me now, I just feel like there is nothing at home for us.
Reply to this Hi Terry-Ann,
Don't worry, I left home 13 years ago...I always say you lose some, you win some...
I think there has been already some thread about it...It's fun to follow all your adventures...but it may not be the same for those who are stuck at home. They find it fun at first...and than they start to think about their own lives...and suddenly, what is a dream...your reality...is not a dream at all for them, just a view of what they won't do.
This is one reason why I'm careful to who I send my link to travelblog. I don't even put it on my facebook. We live the dream, let share it only with people who share the same values.
You'll find it when you get back home. The only ones who want to share this with you are those who are actually travelling also...we share experience and want to learn from others...some may think you are showing-up...even if it is not your own perception...be ready for a shock...but don't care...your project to travel is not any more a dream, it's a reality...and this is great!
So now you just have to think...where next...when next! Travelblog is a way for some to try to gain recognation, for others to share and learn with friends and new friends...but it's also an open door to find new dreams for each of us...
Have fun!
Peter
Reply to this Hi Terry-Ann,
The lack of replies is on the whole probably not intentional on their part. As Peter said, initially it is exciting for them to hear about your travels, but then they just get caught up in their own daily lives.
I've been away this time for nearly 3 years, and know that I'll be able to reconnect with people who are real friends as though I hadn't been away, despite the lack of contact in between. I've been home briefly a couple of times in the 3 years, and thats been the case.
Traveling changes you too, no matter how much you think it won't. When you get back there will be a certain amount of readjusting required on your part. Some things which may have interested you before you may find tedious.
You'll always have plenty of friends in here :-)
Reply to this Hello Terry Ann 😊
I think a lot of people are just not very good with keeping email contact. Also, they cant relate to what you are doing because for most of them it is beyond their experience. You may also see the same situation when you get home, with the people you met while travelling. Even though you got along great, they either dont email you at all or send one or two and then you never hear from them again. Of all the people I met when I travelled over the years, I am still in contact with only a few of them.
Mel
Reply to this Thanks for sharing this Terry-Ann,
Yours is not an uncommon situation, and I think PA, Jo and Mel have given illuminating responses. I just want to pick up on something that PA said.
"They find it fun at first...and than they start to think about their own lives...and suddenly, what is a dream...your reality...is not a dream at all for them, just a view of what they won't do."
Travelling is not the easiest task in the world - leaving those near and dear and striding into the unknown with all the insecurities it brings. Many people would like to do it, but are unwilling to take that step - and thus for them, you are highlighting their lack of courage (for want of a better word) to take the challenge you have undertaken. Normally this is evident in people finding any excuse why they do not travel (miss someone's birthday at home, weather might be too cold/hot) to justify that the real reason which is that the perceived challenges and insecurity of travel isn't worth the benefits to them. There is also that category of person who has no desire to travel at all.
Going home really accentuates this - whilst you are describing to your friends and family the wonders of the Terracotta Army or the Reed Flute Caves in China, someone chimes in with excitement about the rennovating a room in their house. It is almost as if this person is competing with you for the best story, and it is then you realise that your experiences, emotions and excitement of travelling can only really be shared by fellow travellers.
There is almost no-one I know amongst my family or friends who really understand why I travel and how it inspires me - or to coin a phrase I made during a deep and meaningful discussion with a close friend: "I'm a man of the world, but a stranger at home." This is not a result of any lack of love from those close to me, just a lack of understanding. Once you are home, the love these people have for you will still be there, it's just that their understanding might be absent.
Reply to this Hi everyone,
Thankyou all so much, I have taken on board everything you have all said.
The situation was just really getting to me, as it only happens when I am travelling. I live 300+ miles away from family and friends anyway, as we moved to the other side of the UK a couple of years ago, so I tend to keep in touch by email or text anyway, but when I am traveling, friends of 15years standing whom I sppeak to most days over email at home tend to pull away.
I think you are all right, and it has a lot to do with the fact that I am off traveling. Most of them do not understand why I like to drop everything and go off, as most of them are in the same situation as me, kids, house, married etc and would not dream of doing what I do, especially leaving husbands or partners behind to travel with kids alone. I know it makes a couple of friends uncomfortable, as they have told me so. Which in turn makes me feel uncomfortable, as travel has become a huge part of my (and my sons) life. While I do not mention traveling etc in my emails while I am away (aside from what country I am in and for family where I am staying incase something happens back home) I guess its always on their mind that I am away.
Anyhow, thanks again, and thank god for a site like Travelblog where I can read/talk about travel without boring anyone!
Reply to this Ditto to all the above. As much as we like to think that our travels is the most exciting thing going on - and thus deserving of continuing attention from everyone we know - people at home still have all their activities in life. I think it's only natural that many drift away a bit. Also, it's probably not every moment of the day that they are all thinking about far off places and traveling adventure, so you might not pop into their minds as much as those around them who are sharing similar experiences to themselves.
I suppose it's all just another part of the experience. Hang in there and keep on keepin' on.
Reply to this I find most of my friends and coworkers who used to eagerly email me for updates have also "drifted away" and don't write back. I found returning home was the way I could find out who I had really drifted away from, because many of them I still connected to despite months of no contact.
Several of them say it's simply because they feel they have nothing "interesting" to write about. Their lives are just the same old thing, and they don't think I'd find it interesting so they don't even bother to write.
Many of them do wonder where in the world I am, and one even has a map with a pin to keep track. But they never write....but they do get worried if I don't write. Go figure!
Reply to this would it not be better to contact them via skype or some other instant messaging service. i personally dont like texting and emails as they lack a sense of interaction and i often dont check my email. with the instant messaging it feels more like a conversation with your friends/family rather than a forced response to a text or email just for the sake of replying. you can also send pictures files etc while you speak to them and do group chats with a number of friends or even get a headset and have free conversations with them.
Reply to this Maybe they see all your cool pictures and are jealous. If they choose to ignore your fun life and you then maybe it makes their work driven life more tolerable.
Reply to this I don't fully buy the claim that people choose to ignore you b/c it just reminds them of their boring lives. Now that I'm home, I have some friends who are off on various adventures, and I that as time goes on I'm less likely to check in with them as much as I originally did. I just think it's natural to drift away in many cases as time goes on. But perhaps that's just me and some folks do consciously make the choice.
Reply to this With real friends - you don't even have to talk often. When you are with them, you are just back where you were before and it is easy to catch up.
Reply to this Thanks again. I actually called one of my friends last night. I explained how much I had missed her while I had been away, and asked why she hadnt replied to my emails while I have been away, as we email everyday at home. To cut a long story short, she is my oldest friend, since nursery school infact, and I found out via a status update on Facebook last week that she is pregnant, which kind of stung as we have been friends for over 25 years. She was really honest and told me she (and our mutual friends) hadnt replied to my last few emails as me being away reminds her of a RTW trip she did a few years back, now that she had knuckled down into a career and having a baby she won't have the chance to do any long term travel again, as her boyfriend has said he would hate her to go off alone with their child when its born, as he doesnt agree with me taking my son traveling - and doent agree with taking kids traveling full stop. I understand where she is coming from now, but it still hurts when someone you have been so close to all of your life pulls away 'cause you got on a plane.
I think its just a shift in our relationship. When I had my kid, she was at university traveling and going out while I was sat at home in a sea of nappies and bottles, and now that shes having a child, I am off traveling the world with mine, also my child is not a baby anymore so my husband and I have more freedom, so our lives have kind of taken different courses down the same route. Not a problem for me, I love that I know people who live diverse lives, but she and most of my other friends all seem to have a set life route that they are all taking together, and I don't fit that, so as far as they are concerend we do not have much in common anymore (her words). It's all quite sad really, but I can't change who I am, and I am going to keep on planning my travels. As much as I love and value my friends, traveling and seeing as much of the world as I can is something I love doing and something I love showing my son.
Reply to this I am not a parent, so maybe it is not my place to say - but I think to dismiss the idea of travelling with children outright is a very narrow view. So, please bear with me as I propose the alternate side of the debate from some of your friends.
It depends on the type of child and type of destination. One of the great examples in this area are
aspiringnomad and
Jenni Jen. They are taking their infant travelling and seem to have minimal issues - travel makes the parents happy, and thus, that reflects on the child. Also, I suspect the genetic makeup of Kiva is strongly influenced by a mum and dad who love travelling ;-)
Children are far more resiliant than we give them credit for (I am thinking of my young brothers who were born when I was 9 and 11 years old) and exposing them to the world can only give them experiences to make them more rounded and adaptable people.
I met a lady the other day and she always travelled with her older children - especially to places where English is not spoken - and why? Because that way you travel together not as mother/father and son/daughter but as friends - as you do really need to support it other when no-one else speaks your language!
And to finish, one of the most beautiful and inspirational travel stories of travelling with children (or child) is
ThroughMyEyes. This really is something special to read and little Sofia doesn't appear distraught at the prospect of moving around at all.
You know deep in your heart what is right Terry-Ann, don't let people discourage you from doing it.
Reply to this She was really honest and told me she (and our mutual friends) hadnt replied to my last few emails as me being away reminds her of a RTW trip she did a few years back, now that she had knuckled down into a career and having a baby she won't have the chance to do any long term travel again, as her boyfriend has said he would hate her to go off alone with their child when its born, as he doesnt agree with me taking my son traveling - and doent agree with taking kids traveling full stop. I understand where she is coming from now, but it still hurts when someone you have been so close to all of your life pulls away 'cause you got on a plane.
Maybe she needs some time to deal with her feelings about your travelling. When my daugher was younger and we had money problems I got an email from a friend who travels in S. America for 3 months ever year. I felt so annoyed by his travel emails. I just wanted to ignore him, so I would not have to feel jealous. I started to feel better when I realised that my annoyance was not about what he was doing, but about what I was not doing. I then started making plans to put more balance in my life, by sorting out our money problems as fast as I could, and then saving to do some travel as soon as possible. My daugher came with me on some of my travels. Sometimes my boyfriend and daugher both came with me. Usually I went alone.
It may happen that your friend will not face up to her feelings about why she does not want to contact you. That would be hard on you, but if this does happen I think it is more about your friend than about you.
Reply to this ..but I can't change who I am....
And there is no reason why you should as far as I can see.
Reply to this Shane - yes, I have read the blogs from the people you have mentioned. It's so great to read about other people traveling with kids. I agree it does them more rounded and adaptable people, my son is so confident and can handle himself easily wherever we are. To hear him talk about his travel experiences and the things he has learned makes us feel so proud.
Mel - You talk about going alone on some of your travels, I am actually planning to go to India for three weeks with my cousin while leaving my son at home with my husband and I have not dared mention that to anyone I know, I could not imagine the backlash I would get! They are so against me traveling with him, I can't imaigne how they would be about me going without him!
I had a long chat with my husband about it, and I am feeling better about it all. I am still me, and I am still here if they want to come back to me, but I am going to continue on with what makes me and my family happy.
Anyhow, we have a night train to Beijing to catch in an hour!
Reply to this ....I have not dared mention that to anyone I know, I could not imagine the backlash I would get!
People always have way too much to say about other peoples kids. The moment it is found out that a women is pregnant the unsolicited advice starts. It is truely one of the most trying aspects of being a parent.
I had a long chat with my husband about it, and I am feeling better about it all. I am still me, and I am still here if they want to come back to me, but I am going to continue on with what makes me and my family happy.
You, your husband and your child are the important people in this equation. Other people cant claim to care about and love you as much as you love each other, so their interference does not count. Though, I do know it feels lonely when it is difficult to find people you can connect with. I have been having more than my fair share of that one, since I moved to this part of Germany. People here are conservative and there isnt much I can do or say without receiving the backlash.
Reply to this By the way, I think you are lucky to be able to travel the way you do with your child. I used to fantasise about how my child would be my little travel companion. After a couple of travel experiences with just me and her, I decided that a second adult is needed if I am to take her travelling. I came back exhausted, each time I travelled alone with her.
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