How do you convince parents you'll be safe?

Topic Type: Help

I like to travel but I've got a problem at home

Chris Lock
Post Count: 28

Msg: #1 84 weeks ago, May 22nd 2008

I'm in my 40's and I love travelling. But I've got parents who still worry about me, perhaps a little too much. I'm off to Africa this summer and my mother is so worried for my safety. I'm already a cautious person, I don't take unnecessary chances. I've already been to places like Russia, Turkey, Egypt and this troubled here immensly. Last year, I went to Australia and she was asking me before I left "How safe is Australia?" "Safer than Canada! was my answer"

I'm quite in awe of wartime journalists. How do they tell their families "I'm off to Iraq, Somalia, the DRC"?

I'm not going to decide where to go on my trips based on my mother's anxiety and worry.

How do you tell your families you're leaving behind that you're off to some exotic place that isn't perfectly safe (like home)? Where is the most dangerous place you've visited and what was your family's reaction? And where would you not visit because you're worried for your safety?

PA Leslie

Pierre-Alexandre
Post Count: 882

Msg: #2 84 weeks ago, May 22nd 2008

Hi,
Easy, tell her you'll be in touch as often as you can...and have a nice journal she can follow on this blog...it's only a question of getting her 'used"to your travelling.

Safety is very relative....I've got a friend who is a regular to places like Afghanistan and Iraq...and guess what...he was on the beach in Phuket during the Tsunami, and in the restaurant were the last bomb exploded in Bali in 2005...at the exact time of the bomb...didn't get hurt...but hey, isn't Phuket or Bali supposed to be safe...

We all have our time, it's just a question of being reasonnable...

Mell

Mell
Post Count: 15426

Msg: #3 84 weeks ago, May 22nd 2008

Hello Chris :)

I generally dont tell my parents about things that might worry them. Well I dont tell them anything at all anymore because they would run my life if I let them.

My boyfriend worries about some of the places I go. I dont go until he feels comfortable with the idea. He would never try to stop me but I dont want to scare somebody I love. He was worried about me going to Iran last year. Travel sites were good for getting him over that worry because I could show him threads by people who are and were there and I could explain to him exactly what the risks are and what is not really something to worry about. Also I emailed him everyday while I was there so he knew I was alright. Also I tell him what advise the Lonely Planet books give about safety to show him that I am taking every safety precaution.

Mel

Stuart

Stuart Morgan Hurlbut
Post Count: 119

Msg: #4 84 weeks ago, May 22nd 2008

I think it helps if you can show her that you take your safety seriously. I leave a copy of my travel insurance and a copy of my passport with my father. A blog on travelblog also helps. In addition to that, if it is going to be a few weeks between blogs I send emails and text messages. If I know I am going to be somewhere remote where none of those options are possible, I let people know in advance.

Some people will worry though whatever you do.

GirlWriter

Sharon W
Post Count: 8

Msg: #5 84 weeks ago, May 22nd 2008

My parents are the same way, and I also am now in my 40s. The first time I went to Europe, I was 35 and went alone. I think the "went alone" aspect of it bothered them more than the trip itself. My daddy told me he couldn't sleep the whole time I was gone.

Now, I'm married, and my husband travels with me. So they worry a whole lot less (which is ironic, because of the two of us, I'm MUCH more cautious than my hubby -- if they knew some of the places he led us into ... ha ha!).

Is that maybe your folks' concern also, Chris? Are you traveling alone?

Going Global

Marc
Post Count: 85

Msg: #6 84 weeks ago, May 22nd 2008

Parents are parents...they always will be.

How do you tell your families you're leaving behind that you're off to some exotic place that isn't perfectly safe (like home)?

As have many, I went through this whole process leading up to (and during) my travels last year. There's no magic answer to this. In the end...they'll still worry. So you go and do your best to convince them that you'll be fine. Good on ya for still going where you want to go though.

What folks have said above is basically the way to go:

-Use common sense.
-Limit the inebriation when in places you're not familiar with and when you're not with people who truly care about you
-Communicate your plans and whereabouts regularly...unless those plans and whereabouts are dangerous. In the latter case, tell them after the fact. And...do your best to communicate the fact that the places you go are generally safe.
-Multiple forms of currency (US cash, ATM, credit card, travelers checks)...so you'll never be stuck w/o money.
-Be aware of your situation, location, news, or whatever is appropriate for the area...and behave accordingly.

I think it helps friends/family feel a little more secure about your travels if they know you have good plans like the above. Sadly, I think many people have misconceptions about much of the world and safety. When I got home from Africa, I surprised someone when I corrected him that everyone in Africa isn't actually walking around with a machine gun. This is one of the great things about travel and blogging about it - we can learn for ourselves and help others to see more of the world and what it is really like.

As for "some exotic place that isn't perfectly safe (like home)?" Home can be just as dangerous as anywhere else. I live in Chicago (nice Mid-Western America....safe!) and there are areas of Chicago that I don't go to. I'd feel less safe in some places 5 miles from home than I would in most of the places I went in the last year. That's not to say Chicago is dangerous...rather I just generally didn't feel unsafe while traveling. Though I'm not sure if that's because it truly was safe or because I think I'm indestructible...

If you find that magic answer for loved ones, I'm curious to hear it.

-------------
I posted a similar question on the TT forum before I went and one of the people responded harshly, basically making fun of me thinking that if I was asking this question I must still be living at home and be incapable of doing anything without my parents say-so, etc. I really don't see any problem with being concerned about the feelings of family & trying to ease their worry.

Christopher travels

Chris Lock
Post Count: 28

Msg: #7 84 weeks ago, May 23rd 2008

Thanks for the replies. It's a good thing to be considerate of other's worry. There are things we can all do to allay those worries, as you've all suggested.

Definitely agree than home isn't always as safe as abroad. It's all about perception. It's hard to believe the world is generally safe when you watch the news, either local or international.

I do keep a blog.

Strangely, I live in the same city and during the rest of the year I probably keep in less contact with her than I do when I'm travelling. I write two or three blog entries per week, but I can go more than one week between phone calls to her at home, and I see her less than once a month while at home.

PA Leslie

Pierre-Alexandre
Post Count: 882

Msg: #8 84 weeks ago, May 23rd 2008

Get her on the road also....My parents live in Europe, I live in Shanghai....and over the last 12 months...we've since each other at some point, somewhere...in 10 calender months....earth is becoming such a small place....

Swellsy

Stephen Wells
Post Count: 22

Msg: #9 84 weeks ago, May 23rd 2008

When I went to Thailand last year my parents told me when I got home they were worried the whole time I was away, - even my Dad to my great surprise as he is very chilled... was my first time anywhere accept Australia (my home is NZ). Now Im living in Australia... They have gotten more used to me no longer being In my hometown (even tho Im only a 3hr flight away) .... Ive been letting my parents know my travel plans through the year so they have time to get used to the idea... Ive found that this is definitly a good way to make them more at ease and like others have been saying... letting them know you are a responsible traveller etc... When I talk to them, I let them know about research Ive been doing for the countries Im planning on visiting... Definitly makes them less worried :o)

newplacestogo

Gary Bowman
Post Count: 98

Msg: #10 84 weeks ago, May 25th 2008

Christopher, I'm 36 and when I shared my plans I had much the same response. Parents will be parents and while I get frustrated with my mom at times and ask her if she thinks I actually didn't think about some of the concerns she raised. On the other hand, it is on some level nice that someone in the world worries enough about you to raise concerns - it would be a little harder to think nobody in the world cares if you are alive or dead. I would remember this if anyone tries making fun of you for raising the question, and as Marc pointed out I see nothing wrong with caring enough about your family that you worry about their worries.

Everyone else has answered much of what I would answer, so I won't be too redundant. When I got impassioned pleas from my stepdad basically trying to talk me out of going to Ecuador, Panama and Nicaragua (while knowing I would do what I was going to do), he talked about quitting a job would bring financial ruin, and then also about safety in all these countries that supposedly hate Americans. While some may not care for the government, I cannot think of one time I personally got anti-American treatment - and I was down in Ecuador during the whole Colombia crossing into Ecuador debacle.

The only thing I might add is to register your trip with the US State Department (if you're an American, I couldn't quite determine from your post, but perhaps another government agency). I registered with the State Department, though have been somewhat lax on keeping it up to date. Be sure if you do you tell them they can share information with your parents, and then let your parents know. That will help...beyond that you simply have to go and just stay in touch until they realize you will be as okay abroad as anywhere else, including home. Like Marc pointed out, there are plenty of risks at home. While Minneapolis maybe doesn't match some of the bad neighborhoods of Chicago, there are some neighborhoods I wouldn't go walking in Minneapolis or St. Paul. Furthermore, I always say "when God calls you home, there's no bargaining for five more minutes..." - another way of saying what Pierre more or less said. And it won't matter where you are at that time...

Travelling Teacher

Kato
Post Count: 17

Msg: #11 84 weeks ago, May 25th 2008

Hi,

I agree with much of what has been written on this thread so far. Especially with Christopher travels saying that he has more contact with family while he is away than when he is at home. This is so true for me! I speak/email/text/blog so much more now I'm out of the country than I ever did when I was at Uni (100miles from home.)

I guess its easier for me though, as I'm not actually really 'travelling' but living abroad, so I have my internet at home, so an email a day is no problem for me to write. If I am going anywhere trhat means I wont be in touch for a few days, I do always always make sure they know this.

They worry, but they also know I'm happy here, and they wouldn't change that for the world, especially as they get to come on lovely holidays to meet up with me!!!

wayman77

Kostya
Post Count: 3

Msg: #12 84 weeks ago, May 25th 2008

I agree, it's always better not to tell them about my plans of travelling.

Mell

Mell
Post Count: 15426

Msg: #13 84 weeks ago, May 25th 2008

I hope when my daugher is over 18 that I can keep my worries to myself so she feels free to tell me everything without worrrying about how it will make me feel. I think we support our adult kids best if we keep the lines of communication open in case they need us.

Ali

Ali Watters
Post Count: 3929

Msg: #14 84 weeks ago, May 25th 2008

I'm glad that this topic has been handled in a mature and sensible way :) - if someone loves you they will worry about you - it's natural - and if you are a person with any level of empathy you'll want to minimise that worry.

Things that are key in my opinion are to maintain contact - if you are away from the internet or telephones for any length of time - let your family know in advance - they won't worry as much - if there is a possibility that you may be away - also let them know about the possibility.

But also at the same time it's best not to tell everything; I try not to tell my Mum when I fly exactly - as she has a fear of flying and might lie awake at night worrying about it. (also bungy jumping, sky diving, scuba diving at first, actually - quite a lot of things ;))

joekoh

joe
Post Count: 23

Msg: #15 84 weeks ago, May 26th 2008

i'd be worried if any of my kids told me they were going to africa but that doesn't do much to help you, if you want to try and convince them that you will be ok, try this...

start making a point of showing them every crime reported in your own city. seriously. start showing them murders,rapes,burglaries etc that happen within say 50 miles of your own home and then while showing them all of this crime happening right under their nose, make comments like "wow, i'm surprised i've survived so long around here with all of the crime" or "7 burglaries last night in the greater XXX area, i'm certainly going to be safer on that safari in africa than i am here" etc.

good luck.

Mike and Sarah

Happy Feet!
Post Count: 101

Msg: #16 83 weeks ago, May 29th 2008

Chris,

It´s great that this is something you are aware of as I think sometimes as travellers we can forget how people worry at home when we are having the time of our lives!! My mum is a serious worrier too and has a weird kindof 6th sense when it comes to me!! When something does happen I try to call her as soon as possible and let her know I am fine. I also tend to tell her after the event of something that I know she will worry about, i.e., skydiving, even though I think walking across the road in Hanoi is more dangerous!!

I make sure she I communicate with her at least every few days whether that is by text message (which she can´t reply to!!!) or email (I send it to my brother or sister and ask them to pass on the message as she doesn´t have computer access), also lots of postcards. I´ve even send some smail mail to her as this is how she likes to communicate and I can´t expect her to onlt keep in touch with my by email (the easiest way for a traveller)

I love skype as it is a cheap way to call her landline and talk for as long as I want from most internet cafes I visit. It´s also really cheap. I tend to call once per week but not on a set day incase I can´t get to a cafe and she starts to think the worst!

I got her a world map before I left and she has been keeping track of my progress. The other thing is to get other people to talk about me to her all the time, like talking through her fears about certain places & sharing those with other people. She has also been able to read alot of books about places I´ve been from our local library and that has helped her understanding of places.

Try to think about how your mum would like you to communicate with her and do it that way, this means she will probably worry less and then your trip will be even better!

Safe and happy travels.
Sarah

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