A small note of missing home...

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(PS DUDES- MY LAPTOP GOT FRIED BUT I JUST RECOVERED MY HARD DRIVE SO THESE JOURNALS ARE ALMOST TWO MONTHS BEHIND SO IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE I AM YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE DATES, AS THIS STUFF HAPPENED IN THE PAST!!! 😊

Estou sintindo saudades pra voces (Missing home)

I hopped on my 24-hour bus to Santa Elena. It’s funny cause I brought like 5 books with me to read just in case, but I didn’t read anything the whole time. I just sat there starring out the window watching the city change to jungle, to mountains and grasslands and rivers, the daylight change to night and back again.

I listened to my ipod for half the time I was awake. I love listening to my music but wow... did it ever make me home sick, being filled with mostly American music... As the kilometres ran by, as the hours faded, as the landscape lost colour to the night my mind and heart wandered. I missed you, all of you (my friends and family back home).

I thought, what life did I build that I missed so much? What exactly did I miss?

The coffee across the street from Remarkable bean, where they roasted it fresh and every person served it with a sincere smile and a touch of good will.

My sweet, sweet, baby dog. My golden Hamlet. Holding you as you breath. Listening to your snorrs at night. But most of all those chocolate brown eyes looking at me with their sweet and tender expectation of... is she awake??? i open my eyes- mommy! Happiness, excitement- yes!!! Mommy, wanna go for a walk? And lazily dragging my ass out to walk on the brisk sunny beach in cool morning.

I miss seeing my breath at night as I creeped between the crytal snow covered trees and sleepy houses.

I miss those precious breakfasts with friends , in my favourite dinner with the waitress of “cara de canon” who it took me 50 patient smiles to finally evoke a smile, and for her eyes to finally lift and produce a genuine look of beauty that eluded her ruffled frowning face the rest of the time.

I miss those friends...

I miss my ex. Playing the drums together, and finding happiness in nothing.

I miss the gates of bayview. I miss the peace and serenity of those ancient Friday afternoons with hamlet in the park, with pancetta and croissants, just the two of us hiding from the world.

Saturday morning taichi with all my friends, their good spirits. Our chit chat time (specially allotted).

When I hear jazz, I miss Christmas, and the winter warmth produced by families. I miss sweet slow dances, the kind that sometimes only occur in your heart. I miss the disorder of everyone being preoccupied with absolutely nothing that matters.

I miss driving my race car like a maniac. Weaving through the still traffic on my way to yoga, rushing to place my matt between the faces I never talk to.

I miss the ache of my body after hours of good climbs, till I can’t even close my hands.

I miss the chalk filled faces and hands of my friends, and their friends.

And god, I know I mentioned it, but I really really miss my dog. For him I would do almost anything like come home... But I can’t live my life for someone else, even if its the person I love most (sorry dudes).

Lyly was almost right when she said she thought I would marry the world. Because its true I can fall in love with almost everything and everyone- but not in a romantic sense. But the thing that made her wrong is that she doesn’t know what happens when I truly fall in love with one person- in the romantic way. As I am in love with the world, he becomes the world. What a challenge- so he better be one hell of a man. But I’ve seen this kind of man, I’ve even loved this kind of man. So I am not worried, I’m still hopeful, well more than hopeful, I am sure, secure, and happy.


And I do believe in magic. A magic that you can’t define, but one that floats through the world and brings a mystical quality to life that makes it just better.

Tomorrow I will climb Roraima, YAY! One of the oldest mountains in the world, and the highest tepuy (table top) mountain in the world. It should be nice.

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