Mayham in Columbia

Well, I proved myself right once again on this trip. I knew my typical trip equation would work and it did to the nth degree. Travel Fast + No Real Plan + Foreign Country + 6 Gringos = A wild adventure with tons of things going wrong, but so right.

I knew I was off to a good one as I waited at the airport for my ride to come. 6:00, 7:00, 8:00. I was so shocked there was no one to pick me up at one time I questioned that I was even in the right city. Then finally a half dressed gringo steps out of a cab and yells the word I have been waiting for REED. Thank god, at least I found my friends. So it turns out the guys had a crazy first night without me, which involved a lot of drinking which led to a gay bar and getting a knife pulled on them by a lesbian. Guess I really missed out on that one. Anyways we were off to the apartment of my buddies Dad who lives in Bogota, Columbia. I said hey to all the guys who were just starting to register the start of a new day and we took off to get our rental car. We found a nice 4x4 Mitsubishi Montero, which seemed like a good idea but also seemed pretty tight for 6 guys with gear. At the time it seemed like a better idea then the mini van but now I’m not so sure.

We hit the road around 2 and made our way on a 6 hr drive to a town called San Gil, which is supposed to be the adventure capital of Columbia. It was a beautiful, but cramped drive and we made it there shortly after dark and found our hostel to drop our bags. Even though it was Monday night we did our best to find a party and ended up drinking by ourselves in the city square. We caught the interest of a lot of people as we seemed to be the only gringos around, but everyone was friendly and we had a good quiet night of drinking. Looking back this was totally the calm before the storm.

The next day we got up early and took a bus to go whitewater rafting. There were some class 5 rapids on this river so we were all really pumped to see what was in store for us. The trip was a blast and we al fell out of the boat a time or two. It got really intense in the main class 5 rapids as we lost Alex and Bugger right at the start and they had to float all the way through them. Now Alex is probably the most fearless kid I have ever met, but when we pulled him back in the boat, his eyes showed the truth and I didn’t hear a word out of him for about 10 minutes.

As soon as we got back from rafting we packed up the car and headed to a colonial city called Barichara around 20 miles away. It was right out of a movie with all the White Stained buildings with red tiled roofs. We drove around the city for a bit and then walked the town square to find a good place to eat and some edible ants, which the city is known for. Now I expected the ants to taste like ^%$#*(, but I thought the food in Columbia would be rich with flavor. I was definitely wrong on this one and learned that the best meal you can expect down there is either pizza or fast food. We left there around sunset and took off on a 14 hr drive through the night and into the next day as we tried to reach one of the most desolate spots in Columbia and most pristine. Punta Gallinas was the destination, but despite the warnings of needing a guide and taking 3 days to get to this point we felt we could do it with our Japanese 4x4. Before we got to off the beaten path we stopped in the last city on the way to get some grub and some cash. On the way in we saw live goats tied up and piled up and down the streets for sale. Guess they like the meet really fresh up there. Then as we got into the town square there was cattle just walking right up and down the streets. To make matter more interesting the people here did not speak Spanish and has there own language. As we parked the car to get supplies and cash at the bank I heard what sounded like 3 gun shots a short distance off. We looked at each other and doubted our senses. That was until we saw police running in the direction of the fire. While I was thinking lets get the hell out of hear Alex wanted to go see what was going on. On the way out of town we stopped at the last gas station, which involved a 9-year-old kid siphoning gas out of the can into our car. Quite a site to see I must say.

Now I knew I should have brought my GPS for this part of the trip, but of course did not. As we tried to find the road on the map that lead to our destination we seemed to be going on circles The reason for this was because the supposed road on the map just appeared to be a rutted up trail. The grumbling and pointing of a local toward that road confirmed our decision to proceed no matter how bad it looked. The trail started off fine and seemed like a rough road, but then it started to branch off and branch again, and again and what was a road now just had bike tracks on it. At some point we said screw the road and just tried to stay close to the ocean and make our way through this harsh desert surroundings. After about an hour of this we came n some sort of tribal town with a bunch of shacks along the ocean. We saw a couple kids with their mother and approached them with the car and they quickly turned to run. That was until they saw the candy we brought for them. There faces lit up like an Xmas tree as we dumped the sweets into there little hands. We read about these so called candy bandits in our guidebook and were told that we would not be allowed down certain roads without it. At one point there was actually a lady holding a rope across the road asking for a candy toll for her kids. We kept n driving on faith for another two hours, but had no idea where we were or where we were going. Finally we came out on a road that parallels the railroad tracks and decided to try this for a while. We soon found another side road that led us into the bush again and appeared to be the right direction. We ran into the same problems as before, but found these little villages that seemed empty until you saw kids hiding in the bushes or caught a glimpse of someone running for the hills. I’m pretty sure a lot of these people have rarely seen a vehicle in their life as we were truly in the middle of nowhere. After messing around for a couple more hours and almost getting lost a few more times we decided that it would be best for our lives to retire this dream of finding this oasis and instead head back from where we came and find a place to party for the night.

It was Wed night and the guidebook mentioned a town called Taganga, which is a backpackers haven right next to a great national park full of secluded beaches. There also was a good party scene on wed night so we were pumped to get off the road and especially out of the car to relax a little. After being in the car close to 18 hrs straight things were getting a little uncomfortable to say the least. Especially when Alex was at the helm as his erratic driving made it seem he had no value for his own life let alone ours as I yelled at him numerous times to slow down with no avail. Finally we just forbid him from driving the rest of the trip, which made one situation less stressful for the group. We arrived in Tatrona after dark found a good hostel, food and hit the bar. I was so exhausted at the bar I actually had to go home and take a brief nap after dinner to re energize myself. It took all I had to pull it together to make it out that night, but it ended up being one I wouldn’t want to miss. The night was pretty normal at first. Drinking, Dancing, Girls and a little making out here and there. Nothing to extreme….Until. Towards the end of the night as I was sitting outside deep in my best seductive conversation, I see half the bar storm outside with one of my comrades yelling with his shirt off. I quickly see this is going in the wrong direction as we were outnumbered by Columbians 10-1 and I got up and tried to settle him down and at the same time understand what was going on. It appeared that Alex was having a flirtatious Ice Cube fight with a chick that turned bad as she came after him with an ice pick stabbing at anything she could hit. Alex was bleeding out of his head and hands but nothing to serious and the girls that did it were acting like they got hit by us. After a few minutes of mayhem, the police came and deescalated the situation and the crazy chicks and we thought to get to our hostel as quick as possible.
After a short 4-hour nap we were up again and off to the national park of Tayrona to see what the Jungle and Ocean had to offer us. It was around an hr hike through the jungle to get to the ocean. Nothing to extreme, but great scenery with a rain forest type atmosphere. Once we got to the ocean we preceded to walk up the beach to all of these different protected coves. We did a little swimming and then went snorkeling to see some fish. The guy who rented us the gear warned us about the currents, but as usually I didn’t listen and on the way back we had a battle on our hands swimming against it. I’ve never felt anything like that before, but I can see how easily people can get swept out to sea in that type of stuff. On the hike out of the park we ran into a group of monkeys playing in the trees above us and that was all she wrote for Tayrona.
That night we made a dash for the town of Barranquilla, which is a pretty big coastal city little used by tourists and known to have gorgeous women. My type of place for sure. We got in late and had a nice dinner and then it hit me. All of these long days and longer nights were catching up and I needed a nap before I embraced this city until 6 in the morning. Doug and I went back to the hotel where Alex was sick with Salmonella from putting a baby turtle in his mouth, which is another story altogether, but anyways. We went to the hotel for a nap and told the other guys we would meet them later at a certain bar. When we made it back out they were nowhere to be seen, which got us a little worried because none of them knew a lick on Spanish and very few people in this town spoke English. After a wild night of jumping bar to bar we made it back to the hotel around 6 and shortly after the rest of the guys showed up too safe and sound. We all got around a half hour of sleep and then immediately got in the car for a 12 hr drive to the famed Medellin. We made it in late once again, found a nice hostel with a bunch of backpackers and took of for the night. This city is famed to be the best party city in Columbia so we didn’t want to miss a beat no matter how much we had slept. We read about this country type bar that has dancers and midgets you can throw. Once Alex heard this we knew our destination. It looked a lot like a country bar in Nashville, with everyone working there dressed to the theme. Of course the hunt was on for the midgets and Alex and Dougy found them in no time. They never really got to throw them, but holding them like a baby seemed suffice. We left there about midnight and proceeded to bar hop until it got light and finally we got more than an hour of sleep and we crashed at the hostel until early afternoon.

Today was the last day for 4 of the guys, as they had to fly back to Bogota that night so we tried to make the most of it and we sure did. We started with checking out Pablo Escobar’s grave and then took a tram to an inner city type area, which gave unreal views of the city. We walked the streets in that area and met some locals in a tiny bar and had a couple cocktails before taking the tram back down. The schedule was tight to get to the airport, but on the way down we ran into some girls that needed to be investigated. After half hour of drinks and back massages, and Alex getting slapped we took off for the airport. On the way there we noticed one of the guys that we were just with on his motorcycle and Claycamp jumped on the back with him beer in hand. Then before you knew it he was driving and it was in some of the heaviest, unorganized traffic you could imagine. My heart sank when I saw that cop wave him over, this is not good. Turns out there were many Columbian laws broken in the last 10 minutes and we had a plane to catch and had no idea how long this would take. After about 20 min of deliberation Claycamp left with a ticket, we all had a great story, and around 45 min to get to the airport with heavy traffic everywhere. We made it in time put the boys on a plane and at this point in were just Doug and I and 3 more days in the wonderful country.
That night Doug and I hit the town again much like the night before with nothing to exciting going down besides making out with some Columbian girls. The other guy’s story in Bogota was a different story. Turns out that the cab driver they had brought them to the worst area of town and for shits they decided to have one drink there to experience the slums before heading out. Then on their way out the door of the bar a gang of transvestites proceeded to assault them trying to take anything they had on them. As the guys tried to run away and catch a cab, not one would stop for them. This went on for over a block until they finally got one to pull over and they got the hell out of there.

The next day Doug and I set south to a town called Manizales, which was close to a cool national park we heard about. We settled in a hostel around 7, watched the end of Broke Back Mountain with some Welsh girls, and got a bite to eat. The next day we were up early and driving up into the mountains to experience The Navajos National Park. As we climbed and climbed in or car up the mountains the temp dropped rapidly and somehow I figured Doug’s shorts and t-shirt he wore would not be enough to get him through the day. I forgot to mention that we brought the two Welsh girls and a German guy on the trip with us for some good company. Once we got to the top and got our guide this park started to look like we were on the moon. It was a truly bizarre landscape with no plants or animals to be seen. We took an hr hike to one of the peaks and were in a near blizzard by the time we got to the top. Then on the way out we hiked to the top of a Volcano, but it was so foggy we could not even see in it once we were up there. By the time we got down that monster we were exhausted to say the least. The good thing was there was supposed to be a natural hot springs on the way back that I could use. We drove through some nasty roads for around an hour and finally found it. There was a small stream right by where we parked the was boiling hot. I was thinking how cool this was going to be until I say the swimming pool. Turns out that was the hot spring. So much for a natural pool. Screw that. I was not paying to get in a glorified hot tub. No way. SO our hr drive was a waste and we drove down to our next stop. A small coffee town called Salento. If I could describe rest and relaxation this town would be it. It was quite, beautiful, had a clean hostel and great views everywhere you looked. After going 1000 mph for the last week it was finally nice to sit down for a sec and enjoy the surroundings. The next day we had a nice 3 hr hike planned in the Valle de Cocoro, which should have been one of the highlights of the trip. Let me reemphasize SHOULD HAVE BEEN. It all started well. We had a nice breakfast and headed up what appeared to be the trail. There were wax palms well over 120 ft tall in large fields with nothing growing but the trees. It was a unique landscape for sure. We came to a Y in the trail and though I didn’t have the book with me one of the names sounded familiar so we decided to go that way. As we got into it a bit some things didn’t seem quite right. First we never say anyone else on the trail, and two the trail was so torn up and muddy from horses I could not imagine that this was the scenic hike the books talked about. Now don’t get me wrong this was an amazing hike for the first couple hours, but as it turned on to 4 hrs and there seemed to be no halfway mark everyone was getting a little weary. At one point Doug and the girls decided to turn back in hopes of getting out before dark, but Chrisitan and I though we knew better and proceeded to punish ourselves for another hour going straight up the mountain until we could finally admit we were wrong. Once the decision to turn back was made we were a little worried that we could even make it out in time and contemplated walking the river out. Once we started to cut down through the bush we realized there was no way that was possible as it was some of the thickest, most jagged stuff I have ever been around. So we ended up humping it out on the trail and made great time as there was no way we were getting stuck out there in the dark. It was the only way to cap off a trip like this looking back. Doing things the safe easy way just never seem to make sense or work out on a trip like this. W got a good night sleep that night and headed out early for Bogota so I could catch my evening flight. Besides almost running out of gas on the way back things went pretty smooth and although I love Columbia, I was ready to head home.

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