Everything was beautiful. Nothing hurt.

Geetings from the mad country. Sorry all, I know I was off the grid for a while like the Chinese guy in the Matrix. I took a pretty madcap trip over Semana Santa/Holy Week. I have determined that you very much miss the best parts of the country by flying over it rather than driving Colombia’s wild roadways. The car treated us well, despite two flat tires, the two tows and several hours in a mechanic place. It finally rained, and man did it. In my little hamlet alone, there were a number of sweeping out to sea drownings. You know what was awesome, the church trip to the Holidome on the first secular Friday of Al’s social calendar. Friday I left straight from school for Bogotá, a 20 hour drive due largely to the fact that the main highway in the country only has two lanes, it’s like the street I grew up on but with more donkey scat. Upon a weary, hungry arrival to the big city (11-12 million) we hired a taxi to lead us to our destination. He must have thought we said, “drive us all over the city, run up the fare and leave us in the middle of nowhere.” It’s an easy mistake; any one of us could have misheard the same thing. Afterwards we stopped to ask directions from the only human being in sight who turned out to be a deaf mute and consequently no help. They still use the phrase deaf mute (sordo mudo) down here so forgive my un-PCness. As one might see in the movies, just as we were lamenting that things couldn’t get any worse a bus drove by and threw a stunning quantity of muddy water in the open windows and onto our faces. It was actually really funny. The long overnight drive there got me thinking about ski trips and general reminiscing. The tale of senile Habenero Billy in Lawn in Garden getting on the store intercom rambling on before finally requesting I come help him “satisfy this lady” is still hilarious. If I ever meet the members of the terrible cracker reggae group UB40 I am probably going to fight them. Okay, not fight but I’ll have some sharp words. I’ll probably just think the sharp words but trust me, if they could hear thoughts it’d sting pretty good. The random function on my radio is the worst ever. Yeah, randomly play the same 4 songs over and over. After we left Bogotá we drove through the highest mountain pass in the country. Which is to say we very much risked life and limb as driving mountain passes is at it’s best pretty sketchy, and in Colombia considerable worse. Arrived in Armenia (end of the orange line on the map), which is deep in the coffee region and arguably the most beautiful part of a very beautiful country. Like good tourists we went to the Coffee theme park, which was fun. They call roller coasters montanas rusos (Russian mountains). Riding them in the 3rd world is perhaps closer to Russian roulette but fun. They have horse riding and I had the ‘Tyson Kilbey living at his mom’s house’ of horses. There was no getting it to do anything voluntarily, one had to convince and make a good sell. The following day was the best of the trip, we traveled north to the cloud forest in the Valle de Cocoro, home to the world’s tallest and rarest wax palm tree*. It also houses the world’s most endangered bear, the spectacled bear. Great trout fishing, small mountain hamlet, horseback riding in perhaps the most amazing place I’ve ever been. The following day we went to a natural hot spring for massages and swimming in a very cold waterfall (see picture). We left the springs and made a late afternoon drive to Medellin (green on the map). Medellin was okay, certainly not the highlight of the trip, but they did have good sushi and super cheap jeans (Levi and Diesel pay poor paisas** to do much of their labor). I saw 3 movies on Good Friday because this very Catholic city pretty much shut down. One nice thing about British English is shit rhymes with white. I lament Vonnegut’s passing, what a shame he tried so hard to die of lung cancer and he goes another way. I’ve out of respect for the dead dedicated the quotes section to a few of his. The title of the blog is also an epitaph he requested prior to his passing. The other suggestion for his headstone was “He tried.” Concerning other recent*** US news, I don´t want to be disrespectful, but I think the tragedy in Virginia could have been prevented if everyone on campus was carrying a concealed weapon. Blame the gun control freaks.
Music of the week: The new Shins album is what I listen to mostly.
Movie of the week: 300 is really good, and while I love the ladies, I have to confess to enjoying Hugh Grant movies, the 80´s music - and dreamy hunk combo of his new comedy did me in, oh I laughed.
Funny Spanish Phrase of the Week Saying MIERcoles! (Wednesday) instead of Mierda! (shit) when in mixed company.
Book of the Week Another Roadside Attraction, Tom Robbins. Not his best book but entertaining for what it´s worth.
Rollin’ with Saget,
~T

"If what Jesus said was good, what can it matter whether he was God or not?" (He actually stole this from his grandfather)

"My father, like Hemingway, was a gun nut and was very unhappy late in life. But he was proud of not committing suicide. And I'll do the same, so as not to set a bad example for my children." (You'd have to be familiar with the tragic suicide riddled history of the Vonneguts to really appreciate this).

There are plenty of good reasons for fighting," I said, "but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too. Where's evil? It's that large part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on its side.

Last but not least, a great scene from Rodney Dangerfield’s Back to School.
[after Diane gives Thornton an 'F' for his report, which was actually written by Kurt Vonnegut]
Diane: Whoever *did* write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!
[cut to Thornton's dorm suite]
Thornton Melon: [on the phone] ... and *another* thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the cheque!
[Kurt tells him off]
Thornton Melon: Fuck me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips, *fuck you*! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum!

*The Quindio wax palm. Amazingly, the tree was almost made extinct by zealous Catholics using the palms for Palm Sunday celebrations. Also, Colombia’s national tree since it only exists here and is, well, tall.
**People from Medellin
*** living here “recent” is a fairly relative term, please forgive its use.

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