Arrested in Bolivian ..!!..

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Now remember mum, when you read this i am safe and sound, no lasting damage has been done so relax .... OK!!

So there i was sitting in a road side bar with a girl i had met earlier in the hostel, drinking a cold Bolivian beer in La Paz. I like La Paz - Cool city, pretty and seems very safe ... We were minding our own business when suddenly an irate big Bolivian women starts screeching at these two Swiss girls sitting on the table next to us - They seem utterly confused as to why this women is screeching at them, especially as they only entered the bar 5 minutes previous. The girls do not seem to understand Spanish so are unable to calm the sitution down by replying to whatever she is saying, the girl i am with, Sian, does speek decent Spanish so decides to try to help out. I understood a very limited amount of what the Bolivian lady was saying but still more than the Swiss girls - Who by the way look totally petrified of this lady. Mind you, i reckon she weighs 15 stone and has a decent right hook so don´t blame them ....

After 10/15 minutes of screeching from this lady we eventually figure out that she thinks the Swiss girls have damaged her van (her and her husband use it as a taxi) which is parked out front. There is a dent in the back and girls did walk past the dent but there is no way they caused the damage. All vehicals have dents here due to the way Bolivians drive.

We managed to figure out that she wanted money for the damage, (blatant scam), i have come across alot of scams in my time travelling around Eastern Europe, Asia and South America (i like that sentence - Sound like a pro traveller, is that a job i wonder?¿) and have been scammed myself BUT this is by far the most obsured and extreme i have EVER come across!!

Now, the Swiss girls are not going to pay, i have no idea how much money the lady wants, she just keeps repeating "DINERO DINERO DINERO" - The girls refuse to pay and obviously Sian and i are not going to pay as we are inoccent by-standers trying to help .... The girls are about to walk off, when things suddenly take a turn for the worse - Over come the Police, no idea if someone called them or just happened to be passing by but they do not look happy. I have heard that Bolivian Police can be corrupt, so at this point start to think "SHIT" as this could get bad and costly for the girls ... The girls are still refusing to pay even though the Policeman is telling them to, Sian and i are also telling the girls to pay, even just a token amount because at least that would end this whole situation, but no!! A police van rolls up outside and i fully expect the screeching lady and the 2 Swiss girls to be chucked in the back, at which point Sian and i would return to our, now luke warm beers and have a laugh about what just happened. I am half right, the 2 Swiss girls are chucked in the back but the screeching women is not. Police have obviously taken her side - Or maybe this is part off the scam, they may all be in on it for all i know. Just as Sian and i are about to turn away, we are literally grabbed and pushed in the back of the van as well!!

How do i feel now - I am totally crapping myself, like i have never crapped myself before and that is saying alot considering i had the worst case of ´the runs´ the previous two day!!

The trip is abit of a blur so have no idea if were in the van for 5 minutes or an hour - Am guessing somewhere in between but honestly do not know. We are put in a cell after we hand over our passports, this was a stupid thing to do but did not seem to have much choice in the matter. (The Swiss girls hand over their ID cards but of course this do not exist in England). Sian asks to go the loo, the female officer lets her, but the big fat prision guard stops her and tells her to pee in the corner. Now i know why i smell piss in the cell ... Sian pleads but he is having none of it and shouts something at her while pointing at himself. Ask Sian what he said, she replies - "You are in my country now, MY rules!!"

After what feels like ages, with the Swiss girls crying more and more in the corner and Sian and i trying to keep it together we are taken to see the fat policeman who wants us all to admit to the damage to the car and pay for it. Sian and i just keep quiet at this point, the Swiss girls deny the damage and again refuse to pay so we are thrown back in to the cell.

We are starting to get annoyed with the girls now - We have been brought into this situation because we tried to help them and they will not help themselves.

The only reason Sian and I have not totally broken down so far is because we both know the way out of this - Dinero!! I have heard of these type of stories before so now is just a matter of how much, at least i hope that is what they want?!

After 3 hours this eventually comes to the for, we are basically told to pay up or will be deported - Not told that blatantly but that is the jist. At this point we know we are getting somewhere - The whole reason we are here ... We ask how much, no answer is given and put back in the cell, Sian and i put in 30 Bolivianos each while the FUCKING SWISS girls put in 50 between them ... We are told no bribes excepted - Other words "not enough money!!" We are again taken to the office and shown pieces of paper which are apparently our deportation notices - No idea if they are or not as are not allowed to read them ... We know we need more money, we talk to the Swiss but they refuse and say "let them deport us, we have done nothing wrong"

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR and AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" - I am ready to punch their FUCKING heads in at this point and almost have to restain Sian. After we eventually regain our composure, abit at least, we explain we have nothing to do with this and only tried to help them and are now being threathened with deportation and all they can do is plead innocence and cry while we try to sort this situation out, so suggest that they dig dip into their rich Swiss pockets and find some more money, especially considering as we have put more money in than them ... They see sense, eventually, and put a hundred in each while we top up ours to 50, 300 Bolivianos in total - This is sent to the fat policeman, we can hear some debate - 30 minutes later the door opens and we are returned our passports and let free ... And just like Tommy Cooper used to say - Just like that!!

I honestly have tears coming out of my eyes at this point, once i am clear of the door, i have NEVER EVER had so much relief coming out of me in my life and doubt i ever again.

I Think the emotion has now got to me as well, as suprisingly managed to hold it together pretty well inside (INSIDE). We walk back to town, the Swiss girls always 20ft behind us, think they are pretty embarrassed and scared to face us. We stop in a bar as believe me, i need a beer, well alot as it turns out ... The Swiss girls also stop in the bar but at a differnt table. Eventually, maybe 30 minutes after arriving they creep up to us and give us 50 Bolivianos each, the amount we paid to get out, and saying this is for our trouble - I tell them that could not give a shit about the money but an apology would be awesome, this comes in a whisphered embarrassed way, like when you apologise when told to by your parents when a kid. They go to leave and as they do, try to grab the 100 Bolivianos back - I grab it first and tell them that that money is going to be put to good use. Off i trot to the bar and put it behind as a tab while they watch LOL

Later that night, as Sian and i return to our hostel, we relay the story to a few of the other guests in a very pissed way and then finish off the night by doing something that we actually could be arrested for - Then i jump on a night bus to Potosi (highest city in the World) to get the hell out of there😊

One good think to come out of this whole, crazy situation - Can now say, when asked (although this is not a very common question) - "Ever done ´time´ mate?¿ Can answer, loudly and confidently "Yeah mate, i´ve done ´time´, Bolivian time"!!

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