Bolivia - The "Other Bit"


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South America » Bolivia » La Paz Department » La Paz
January 18th 2012
Published: January 18th 2012
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Bolivia: The’ Other’ bit!

La Paz is a shithole, I hate it! The highest airport in the world (4058m), the longest runway in the world (due to the obvious) blah blah.

Originally we decided we’ll stick together until after Christmas, but Christ and Gertrude (Gareth) decided to head to Peru earlier, because well, no one wanted to be stuck in La Paz over this time. I also don’t blame them for this in the least bit.

“The Wild Rover” is this Irish owned hostel, where all you can do is party, literally, that’s all you do. Your nights and days are all merged into one big mess. Every morning there is vomit in the bathroom somewhere, the bar opens the same time as breakfast starts and closes when the coke bar opens.

I was also by far the fattest person in this hostel, because I actually ate. This is not because I am actually really fat right now (thanks to the BB diet; Bread and Beer) it’s because no one eats, they’d rather feed through their noses.

So here I am, my worst fear came true, I am “alone” for Christmas. Hostels are booked fully over Christmas, I was lucky to find a spot in this place called “The Wild Rover”. A party hostel and they promised me they are making a big effort over Christmas etc. Now I can’t blame the place, I am sure my naïve nature with regards to certain things, as well as my belief that people can’t ALL be that screwed in the head and That selfish might have something to do with it.

I made this really cool Aussie friend, Steven, I made him a promise to write about my room in “Wild Rover” since my stories of this room was the only way the two of us survived those 5 days. So here it is StevO!

Room Rules:

1. Do not switch on the light before 5pm. Like EVER!

2. Do not switch off the light before 4am (or if Route 36 is quiet, then as soon as the room is all back, which was never before 11am).

3. If you break rule 1 or 2 you are a number of horrible names. Also, in case Riëtte in F8 needs to check-out before 1pm, she please needs to pack in the dark.

Room F: The Wild Rover (5 days)

Bed F1: Denzel. Yes, Denzel is black and Denzel is from the UK and Denzel is funny and nice and normal and I’m still not sure how big he was into the cocaine thing. He is a good party and great fun. Most normal person in the room. Even more normal than me, because I was just plain boring, depending on your perspective of course.

Bed F2: Rotation. But the one that comes to mind was an older Isreali guy who made two mistakes within 55minutes of arriving at 2pm.

First, he LEFT THE LIGHT ON!!! He was called names that well, is pretty damn rough and I reserve those names for Really bad people, such as Robert M and M Gadaffi.

Secondly, the high/drunk/haven’t slept for 3 days chick grabbed him and shouted right in his ear “Feliz Navidaaaaaddddd!!!”. He explained that he doesn’t do Christmas. She was very offended, because who doesn’t do Christmas!! He was offended and everybody (that’ll be me who was sober to see what was going on) thought it was hysterically funny.

Bed F3: Pack Aussie 1.

Definition of a Pack Aussie; They hunt (travel) together in a group, they are between 19 and 23, they wear wife beater shirts, are loud, do coke in the middle of the room (as oppose to pack Israelis which do it quietly alone in the corner), they also wear denim shorts and don’t go anywhere without the rest of the pack. The pack makes decisions together, always.

There were 3 pack Aussies, they were not nice people, they gossiped and did a lot of cocaine, as in a lot! They kept bragging about how cheap it is, so much so it got really irritating.

Bed F4: Pack Aussie 2. Same as above, except he kept losing his bloody phone!! All the time, then he’d swear at everybody and call everyone names and then he left it in the toilet, or in Pack Aussie 1 or 3’s bag.

Bed F5: This chick, my word! The loudest person I have ever met! She did “The Death Road” with me and the first time she shouted in my ear, I nearly fell over. Ashley (Aussie friend I made) asked her if she wears a hearing aid. He also convinced her that as an Aussie she can enter into the Miss Bolivia competition. If you read my first post about Bolivia, you’ll know Bolivians are not pretty people. She believed it….

She was number one of two Aussie girls travelling together and not blessed with a massive amount of IQ. At first I couldn’t stand her, but after a few days and listening to how mean everyone was to her, especially her so called “friend” she travelled with, I kind of started feeling sorry for her. I also helped her get into bed more than once. Now let’s be fair, I think most of my friend had to lend some ‘assistance’ at some point in time to get me to bed, so me helping her, made me feel super responsible and way grown up!

Bed F5 has not left the hostel in 9 daylight days…9 Days people! Here was her routine; get up around 8pm, shower, start drinking, then around 2am everyone goes to Route 36 (the only place in the world where you can order cocaine off the menu),they get back around 10/11am and sleep. (refer to no lights on rule)

Over Christmas she didn’t sleep for 3 days, dead serious. As soon as she got tired from the booze, here comes a line of coke and so the cycle continues. Eventually on the 26th when she decided to go to bed it took me 2 hours (2am -4am) to get her into the top bunk and eventually settle down sleeping. She kept telling me she can’t sleep without her pen light. (??)

Bed F6: Oh good heavens, here’s a gem! Sorry to be horrible, but a train wreck waiting to happen. Amy, English girl from Birmingham who wore the same lama sweater all the time I was there, slept with half the hostel and missed 3 flights her dad had to keep paying for. She was supposed to be home on 20 December, by the time I left, she was still there and daddy had to pay for another one. I think she was in love with pack Aussie number 2.

She did a lot of coke, as in a lot she was also the most outspoken about it and would say numerous times during day/night (I didn’t know the difference anymore) “let’s do a line”.

Bed F7: The friend of Bed F5 and a very dangerous girl. Also loud and clueless and “Oh my G does she looooveee the Kardashians”. Flippen hell, she couldn’t stop going on and on and on about them. “Oh Kim is so hot and oh, but Chloe is married to a black guy and I’m such a freakin idiot!!”

One night she left her friend upstairs drinking and went to bed, I was already attempting sleep, but she naturally woke me up. So we started chatting, I asked how long have you guys been friends, I never got the answer because she just went on and on about how much of a retard (honestly, the word she used) Bed F5 is and F5 never goes out with her at home, because she is always just staying at home doing coke and she misses her real friends and F5 is really such a menace. Same night it took F5 two hours to get to bed, F7 just climbed into F5 and told her she’s such a b*tch and such a menace and if she was anybody else, she would just hate her. It was pretty rough going and I eventually felt sorry for F5, because it’s not like F7 did no coke and didn’t drink at all or wasn’t loud or not stupid!

I just kept thinking, thank heavens I don’t have friends like that!

Bed F8: The boring South African who doesn’t do coke, who got so sick after 5 days in that place and I honestly believe that it was because you are surrounded by all this darkness and all these dark people all the time. Need some light man!

Bed F9: Pack Aussie 3.

Pack Aussie 1 was pretty hot, they usually all are, but an absolute ass, who doesn’t know his elbow from his ‘forehead’.

Bed F10: Ross- a hilariously funny “I’m taking Mrs Clause out on a date in this jacket” English guy. He wore this old 90’s style” La Coste” jacket for 5 straight days. He also didn’t blink for 5 straight days, because he was high for 5 straight days. Every day he’d tell me how much money he’s got left. He’s travelling for 7 months, he has done 2.5 so far. He started on 50quid, when I left he was down to 23quid (his bar bill, accommodation, food all separate this has not been paid at the time of 23quid left). I liked him, even though he never blinked, never, not once.

I met some Canadian guys and on the second night Manny came looking for me telling he has a surprise for me. There he met a South African guy from Pretoria who studied in Bloem as well, travelling with his dad! The first and only South African I met! And staying in that place…. I was way nervous for the poor dude.

On Christmas day Steve and myself were sitting outside entertaining ourselves by looking at the people and making fun of them. Here comes the dad and Amy Winehouse is having a good old red wine cry (remember my birthday in Stellenbosch, one of those) on the floor, in the freezing cold. But dad can’t pass, so dad is all awkward because this chick’s knickers is out, she has the red teeth thing going and she’s balling about who knows what!

So Steve and myself started playing this game, in every situation we tried to imagine what our dad’s would react like. Neither of them would handle it as good as the dad from Pretoria, never! It was pretty funny, but after a while I decided to tell him about Barney and how that would go down, now that was way more fun…

Goodbye La Paz, to you and your entitlement attitude, women of 45 with braids, big dresses and foreign coke heads.

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