Anal Garlic Cloves


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Published: April 29th 2012EDIT THIS ENTRY

It is somewhat difficult travelling here as a vegetarian; the disgusted looks, the balls of phlegm, the whispers.. Ok, a bit dramatic, but I´m sure you can get a cure in the pharmacies. We´ve lived on bread and cheese for large parts of this trip. Only once before have I renounced the wonder of cheese, and that was in a Preston pub on Boxing day when Stan and Caroline repeatedly reminded me of my (previously) delightful Chrimbo cheeseboard, which was rather less delightful as it hit the car park floor. For the past month, however, we have died (bocked arteries, presumably) and gone to veg heaven in the form of our second wwoof farm near the Argentina - Bolivia border.

Wonderful, massive plates full of organic homegrown (although I do quite wish I was refering to something else here) food have only been a part of the wonder. The farm itself is stunning, plenty of hikes, rivers, mountains, and when the cloud hasn´t swallowed us whole, sunrises to mae the spirits soar (and lift the gloom of a 7 am rise). Earlier I twined about other travellers; here, however, attitudes are different and we´ve had some great times. I´m truly going to miss the other guys when they go, it´s been nice to fully let go of some twisted humour.

In the 2nd week I got a bit of a cold, and was advised on some natural remedies; eating garlic, or onion, or howling at a full moon; one of the owners recommended placing a clove of garlic up one´s bottom for some ailments. It is a difficult image to shake. I stuck to my tried and tested methods: smoke a little bit less, drink a little bit more.

Part of my excitement about travelling was leaving the trappings of modern society (though, clearly not completely) and being stuck in the arse end of nowhere with no computers or tvs has been excellent - it´s nice to just use a computer rather than having it as an extension of your fingertips; when we go to town on the occasional weekend even shite tv is appreciated.

Out of boredom, I´m now going to rate beers we´ve drank so far. This will be important for someone, I´m sure.

Brazil:

Skol, Bhrama, Ipataivia, Antarctica: All shite. Itapaivia (the spelling changes for a reason. Namely, I can´t remember) is probably the best by a slim margin. So, all 1/5, except Itpaivia, 1.5/5

Paraguay:

Pilsen: Cheap, tasty, refreshing. I´m devoid of one of these palettes (the mouth one, not the one smeared with paint) that can distinguish subtle nuances, nut this is a fine lager. 4/5

Vitoria: A bit more pricey (by perhaps 5 pence) but a poor comparison to Pilsen. Still, better than any of that Brazilian piss. 2/5

Argentina:

Quilmes: Shite. Period. 1.5/5

Quilmes Red: Better. Would prefer a Stella though. 2.5/5

Quimes Bock: Now we´re talking. A heavy 6.5% dark ruby beer, a lttle sweet, but as ales are my favourite tipple back in blighty, this is the closest thing we´ve had so far (there are some beers called Patagonia which seem to be ale-ish, however they´re thrice the price). Delightful, though on a hot day not as refreshing as the wonderful Pilsen. Still, the best so far. 4.5/5

Salta Negra: Similar to Bock, but half the strength. 3/5

I want a beer now.

And Í´ve bored myself to death.

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