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Maradona
This is Maradona at different stages in his somewhat sad but nonetheless incredibly interesting life The Argentine Messiah
In attempting to explain Argentina’s fanatical devotion to Soccer, I thought it might be helpful to explain their unconditional love for the big man himself, Mr. Argentina, Diego Amando Maradona. For those of you living in the only country in the world that isn’t obsessed with Soccer it is important to understand that Maradona is a ridiculously talented “futballer” who, during the eighties and early ninties, was competing head-to-head with Pele for the title of “World’s Greatest Futballer.” And while internationally Pele seems to have won out in this historic competition, I think it is safe to say that this has nothing to due with the fact that Pele had more talent then Maradona, and everything to do with the fact that while Pele was a nice, clean cut guy, Maradona has been at different points in his life a communist, a drug addict, a beligerant rock star, a spoiled brat, an incredibly obese man, a moron, and an outspoken critic of FIFA, the international soccer coalition. In Argentina though, none of these things really seem to matter as his popularity far surpasses anything I have ever seen in the United States. Maybe Babe Ruth had a
Twenty years of sweet dreams
"I think that is what it says?" similar hold over the nation’s consciousness. or perhaps Joe Louis in the black community during the 40’s, but what you have to understand is that Maradona hasn’t played soccer for over a decade and he is still three or four times as popular as Michael Jordan ever was. If Jordan were to join the Marines and then go to Afghanistan and single handly kick the crap out of Osama Bin Laden and carry him back to the US on his shoulder, then he might be revered in the same way that Maradona is.
The Hand of God
While Maradona was one of the most dominate players of the 80’s and clearly had prodigous talent, it wasn’t unil the 86 world cup tha his legend was really secured. During a semifinal match against arch-rival England (remember the Faulklands war? No, well the Argentines sure as hell do) Maradona, being the little speed demon that he was, got behind the defense and was going one on one with the English goalie who was a foot taller than him in an attempt to head the ball in. But he missed and he ended up punching it in with his
fist. Everybody in the whole world saw this, except for the ref who counted it a goal. Later in the game Maradona scored one of the greatest goals in history as he slomled through 7 or 8 English players and punched it through. After the goal the Argentine announcer began crying he was so “moved” and he quickly began to praise god for creating a specimen as remarkable as Maradona. The Argentines ended up winning 2-0 and eventually went on to win the world cup. After the game Maradona was asked about the first goal and he said “it wasn’t my hand, it was the Hand of God.” And that has been his nickname ever since. After this he has forever been treated as the Argentine Messiah. (We will get to that later though.) Unfortunatly, after making it the the finals in 90 only to lose to Germany, the “Hand of God” managed to get himself kicked out of the 94 world cup for using banned substance. A fact which he has tried to justify in any number of ways over the years, primarily through denouncing FIFA for not liking him.
Coke and Staples
After his career was
over, Maradona went on to get addicted to cocaine while simaltaneously putting on a great deal of weight. His little 5’ 6” frame that once motored past defenders at will turned into a 300 pound medicine ball. I don’t know how it’s possible to put on weight while doing coke on a regular basis, but Maradona is a man who has few limitations. He got his stomach stapled though an he know is just your average chubby, good natured, middle aged egomaniac. Maradona also became good friends with Castro over the years and he now has a large tattoo of Che Guevera on his shoulder, right above his $10,000 rolex. He now makes his living promoting different products and hosting a tv show which he uses as a forum to compare Bush to Hitler.
The Church of Maradona
While there are many Argentine’s who are aware that Maradona is ridiculous, the majority of men in this country have a love that is true and deep for Maradona. They tattoo his image over their hearts, they were his jersies on a regular basis, they speak to their sons of his greatness, they refer to themselves as Maradonistas (like communistas, or peronistas) and stand in mass to watch his highlight films on big screen tvs that are on display in various stores. They have even formed the “Church of Maradona” which now has thousands of members. During services they carry a soccer ball that is topped by a crown of thorns and has drops of blood painted on it, the “alter boys” carry small dolls of Maradona in glass cases, they sing songs about the “poor brazilian” (Pele), and they weep. No bullshit.
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