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Meanings in life Change:

April 2011

It is clear that in every phase of life the importance of material and feelings change.
When you’re a baby a dirty diaper makes you upset, later it’s the car your older brother has confiscated by force. Sometimes we think we understand the meaning for some feelings and later they changes as rapid as clouds for the sun.

Here I am 29 years old, 5346 km away from my family and friends in a strange country of which we never can understand the culture. In a few weeks I will travel to another remote destination for a next adventure. That is my life now but how did this start:

This is all due to one of those moments you think you understood. I found out what loving means and I am happy that I had the right to feel it by first hand….all of it, the caring, respect, laugh but also the tears, fear to lose people that are close and at the end the missing. But at least I have experienced it and would not change that part of my life even it would probably mean that I was still happy with her.

If I was on that track of my life I would not be so far from home, see the things life offers me now. Life would be full on spending time with friends, family and the one I loved. Probably two evenings a week spending on sports one day in the weekend for family. A life that would be perfect with the right person.

But love can be too strong and can damage or even destroy, that is what happened in my life. That first time I understood this was different than before, made me nervous. Due to a too fast or wrong question the butterfly effect occurred and a light breeze became a storm. True Love would not disappear in our minds only our lives would change.

This meant for me to start working abroad, massive projects all over the globe. Creating a network of friends speaking many different languages. Seeing cultural behaviour I could never dream of. A personal challenge I never had before and another step in my life.

The challenges from these remote countries and different cultures inspire me. It became clear to me that I am not ready yet for settling and the same trust I had once. In the beginning it was difficult for friends and family, tears have been shared and questions arose. I understand very well it is strange and hard for the ones left behind, difficult to imagine.

For me this job means as much as the true love I have felt and the care for my home. It became a part of me as I became addicted to new experiences and new countries. Now I am for the first time of my life 2,5 weeks fully off shore. The first week I really felt trapped unable to move freely like I am used to. Next to that my life is moving on the waves, a strange experience as I say it myself. A bed that does not stop moving from left to right.

I hope that next project will be another remote location that can show me life in a different manner. Meet new people, new cultures and strange habits, eat food you’ve never tasted. That is my life now, until I come back home. Than there awaits my other desire of a home and friends. Most people are happy with what they have, now it seems for me that I never can get enough.

For two and a half years my passion for the unknown cultures and countries was tamed by love. She took her way and I heard she is doing very fine with a big change coming up in her life. I wish here all the best and let her dreams come true as mine do.

Now I am back on the road, planning one trip after another, and working long days far from home. People who say adventure does not exist, well wake up you miss a lot.

July 2009

Just what i see around me

We all decide about our own lives, When you feel pressure, unhappiness or unforgiving than you have made yourself the wrong decisions and balanced one against the other. You set your own priorities so why are you angry, so pissed off and blame others

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The first step is forgiveness and respect the others priority, be happy if you are his or hers first priority, that does not happen that often. Realise that your words have an impact but that silence and ignoring can be devastating for the other. People can’t read your mind and don’t smell if your unhappy, so say whats on your mind.

So for the future, you decide your own life, decisions and choices. When people walk over you, dont let them! they dont have the right. When they leave you without a reason, crush you into the ground, splatter your skull, scatter your back spine and leave you helpless on the floor…….that is fucked up!!!!! But remember that is done by that person, he or she chose for that not you!

So pick up your bones, collect your back spine and put them together, drink the spoiled blood to recover. When finally, standing on your own feet again, looking in the sunlight which was gone for months or years. Look back, not at your poor and damaged body, but rub the scars and think the other person had maybe no other way out. So choose this path, these priorities to act and handle this way and find strength and respect to forgive.

So collect your strength, make good choices to become strong, and forgive the other, tell her or him you forgive them. It is hard but is the only thing between you and a happy life again.

Believe me I have been there, scattered over the floor, bones crushed by a sledge hammer, blood spilled by harsh words…..but my heart was still beating. For a fact it was very weak and made no sound but the little blood still inside made my fingers grab the first bone…..and piece by peace I collected my self for years. During my travel in Qatar I left a part of me there, a memory now resting at the ocean floor. It felt like my back spine broke again to do that but I had to face the fact, the memory of the past was gone.

Last I stood there in the Norwegian mountains shouting to the world, stronger than I ever was. I FORGIVE YOU, LET THE LANDS OF THE GIANTS BE MY WITNESS!!!

Each coin has two sides, some coins shine others not, this is a story from one side, one man that lay broken on the floor. Maybe the other from this story was even damaged more but it was her priority, her choice, her decision to end this way.

It does not matter if it is the person in this story. I am sure some good words will help to recover people. Give a listening ear, help them to their feet. I believe people who shared love don’t hurt each other on purpose while clear thinking. Harsh words are spoken in the heat of the moment, all decisions are made and based on that. But they are still made by us because we could not forgive or had to set priorities.

So, I am truly sorry for what I did (the coin shines from two sides). But I had no ways to explain or talk to you. That decision was already made before I recognized there was something wrong because I did not hear your voice.


Part II

A text that came up becouse I see so manny people make this mistake.....

No way Back,

You’re standing with your back against the wall.
All eyes are pointed your direction.
What went wrong, why this situation.
Your friends understand you and never let you down.
Your parents support you until the end of time.
But still you’re standing with your back against the wall.

This wall is cold and gives a uncomfortable feeling,
It’s raining slowly and the sun is behind a thick layer of clouds.
Why did you not foresee this, this is not what you wanted.

But all eyes are looking at you, what is your next move?
Everybody has their own opinion and meaning,
You should be grateful because they support you!

Why did you make this choice and told it to the world,
Now you wish you could go back but you can’t…..
You can’t tell your friends and family you made a wrong decision.

We all are too proud and can’t show our mistakes!
We are always right and never show our weakness!

But deep inside we miss the one person we pushed away,
You had a special story with him, he was a part of you and you of him
But once you felt hurt or alone you made this choice,
Now you can’t return and have to walk alone!
Pretending to your friends and family you made the right choice!

How many people leave their relation and friends and find out it was a wrong decision but can’t return because of their own pride. They miss their old and famous life that seems so far away…..now standing in the rain looking at the cloudy sky.

Even though you’re offered all that could be offered to you it seemed not enough.
Now you look back and see what you miss, but there is no return!
You have to move one!

Did you think even one time that maybe the other person felt the same?
Maybe he stands against the same wall but on the other side.
You’re so close but the cold stones of pride are between real happiness.
Talking and communication are so far while every person is reasonable when you are too.

Just some moment in our lives we have to let our protection down, show that we where wrong. Admit that another way is better and communicate about that.
You will notice that the stones behind your back become warm.
Some friends and your family pick stone by stone and help you understand.
They will appreciate your choice does not matter what happened because where all human! The clouds disappear and the wall has an opening, the rain drops on your face have flushed away your tears. The sun beams reflect on the raindrops and make them look like small diamonds of happiness.

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