Welly, Nelson and Poo

It seems an ice age since I last sat down to write, no matter, it takes more than fun filled days and drink filled nights to keep me away from a computer for too long. Allow me to bring you up t date with the latest goings ons from Kiwiland.

So I leave Taupo for the second and final time. More about the first leavings later on. The Kiwi bus heads south towards an isolated lodge sat in a nice little valley with a river running through, hence the name River Valley Lodge. This is the 'home' of white water rafting, though I did not partake in the rafting it certainly sounded like some inflatable river going vessels were used to great effect. The dorms in the lodge are possibly unique in New Zealand maybe even the universe. Affectionately known as the orgy pit. The dorm consists of what is essentially a massive bunk bed spanning the length of the entire room. Big enough for even the most Caligulistically minded of travelers. Still it was more the noise being made outside the dorm (by some of the staff funnily enough) that kept us awake that night. There is only so many times one can here 'We're caught in a trap' before one starts wishing slow and painful deaths on all those enjoying themselves.

The valley itself is a nice enough place for a day, the more ardent explorer might take the high wire pulley ferry across the meandering river. Being such a person I intrepidly set out in a pair of jandals/thongs/flipflops up a steep zigzagging path to the top of the valley where much could be seen of a lot of the valley floor and of the river.

Next stop on the bus is the capitol city. Windy Welly, home of the judicial, legislative and executive houses of New Zealand and probably the best coffee of New Zealand also. After all, the hard working ministers and civil servants need something to do in between brakes. Wellington is a good place to visit, most definitely, best give it at least a week. Of course I couldn't follow my own advice. Only spending 3 days here should be a crime. There is so much to see and do and drink and see and do and eat. The city boasts a great atmosphere and more coffee shops per capita that New York, that's a lot of coffee.

It is at this point that I mention the Te Papa Museum, though the moniker of museum does not do it justice. Te Papa is how past, present and future should be presented, the exhibits are interesting and hands on. A modern art exhibition and local traditional art galleries blend seamlessly with the cultural history of the youngest nation on the planet. The balance of high tech and good old fashioned exhibits keeps both young and old occupied while in the atrium all kinds of one off shows are hosted. On this particular day it was the Speed Rubiks Cube Championships. Who knew the world of the cube could be so fascinating. All kinds of cube talents were on display, from the 13 year old local kid whose speed who solved puzzle after puzzle faster than the untrained eye could keep up with.

The crowd really got behind all the competitors, it would be fair to say the whole thing was a bit of a geek fest, but that is what the Te Papa is all about, celebrating these individuals who change challenge and solve.

While the beauty and location of the city is more than you could really expect from most cities, it appears that the town was planned with too much thought given to the mountainous landscape that the city inhabits. Roads impossibly steep are common here, junctions spring up without warning or any clue about the direction to take. The locals are spoiled rotten with views of not only their own city, but of the south island and the islands in the Tasman straight, so much so that in some places dividing barriers exist in areas where drivers have been looking at the scenery rather than the road.


I would like to thank my most humorous family in Wellington for including me at such short notice, but all too soon I was boarding the ferry that joins the North Island to the South. The short 3 hour crossing was as calm as you like, clear skies and mirror like waters.

Landfall in Picton we collected our baggage and hopped on the Kiwi Bus to head out along the west coast of the South Island. The destination for the day was Nelson, our first stop, however, was a small Winery just outside somewhere or other. According to the brummy behind the tasting bar, the wine couldn't be found in supermarkets and is not exported, and, after trying the Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Riesling and Pinot Noir it was easy to see why. The wines were below average for the price range they were inhabiting. The Pinot Noir was especially disappointing, a weak nose and non existent body coupled with the pale translucent colour really did this grape no favours.

After wasting 2 dollars on the tasting we made camp for the night at a rather nice pub come restaurant come back packer called Fern Lodge (I think). What followed was a more enjoyable beer tasting and a less than satisfactory beef and yorkshire pudding roast. That evening was spent consuming a rather delectable cider, the first cider in nearly 2 years by my reckoning. The night was spent being kept awake by the earth shattering snores erupting from the bunk below me, backed up by the snoring from the other 2 people in the room, it was a noisy night for all the wrong reasons.

Quiet days often follow noisy nights and this was no exception. Intermittent rain distracted me as I walked to the summit of a hill claiming to be the center of New Zealand. It would be nice to believe this but somehow I found myself doubting the signs and hype. Despite the desperate propaganda the views from the top were of the first order. Sun beams spot lighting the harbor and opposite Abel Tasman National Park, all rather dramatic and ruggedly beautiful, in fact the kind of thing thats become par for the course around here.

The second night in Nelson was fortunately a quieter affair with only the one snorer, the other 2 having moved on that morning, and after a healthy beans on toast breakfast it was back on the bus. One of my main gripes with the Kiwi Ex is the lack of driving. This may sound weird but the stops are planned for the convenience of those with ADHD and the like, always stopping before you have a chance to move on. The drivers have a habit of rambling on about nothing in particular, which can be annoying especially when they ask for your attention to impart some important piece of news or information. I look back fondly on the 4-5 hour drives down the states of Queensland and New South Wales.

Next on the itinerary is a lake cold enough to swim in. This being an experience and a free one at that (another rarity on the Kiwi Bus) I jumped, quite literally at the chance. My dive was executed perfectly and I was rewarded by having the air knocked out of me by the 7 degrees of cold in the lake. Well the ducks didn't seem too bothered but it was all I could do to just swim to the edge of the lake and drag myself out to the relatively warm air.

5 layers later and back on the bus for another 6 stops for coffee and such like we arrived in Westport. These overnight stops on the West Coast exist solely to eek out the experience for another day or two. A trip to the local 4 square revealed a half kilo rump steak for only $7. What a meal...With the only signs of life in the town actually in the supermarket, we retreated to the hostel for a night of movies and steak.

Mahinpua, Lake Mahinapua, Les and the Poo Pub. One of the 'legendary' stops on the Kiwi bus and exclusive to the Kiwi Experience. This is a chance for the bus to drink and sing themselves silly in silly costumes while making fools of themselves in front of Les, the oldest publican in the country. His beard is impressive and his venison stew even more so.

The theme for the night was the letter 'C'. Thinking quick and with wallet in mind I chose Caeser Augustus as my character. Others included a Cheetah, a Cash Machine and plenty of cross dressing. What follows a night of cheap booze and loud music is inevitably a rather bad headache.

Headache in hand we leave Les and his establishment slightly worse for wear and head out on the road again...

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