In the middle of whoop whoop

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From the window of the plane Australia’s landscape soon turned increasingly baron from city suburbs and fields to red dusty plains and dry river beds. Surprising however was the sight of what appeared to be Glacial scarring with tens of kilometre scratches swirling across the now arid plains. Descending to a cloudy but hot Alice Springs the prominent long peaks of the McDonnell range came into view and on exit we were picked up and taken to our hostel "Annie’s Place" by a chirpy Neisha. The hostel was great and on arrival we were checked into our room and talked through the 3 day tour of the region which was to begin the next morning. (For those thinking of visiting, Annie's 3 day tour is cheaper than any of the other companies 2 day tours)

After packing our small bags for the 3 days in the outback we were taken in two coaches for a $2 tour of Alice Springs by our guide Mulgi, a hilarious Aussie with bags of Charisma and dry wit. To our surprise, what we thought would be a whistle-stop tour through the main shops turned out to be a thoroughly interesting tour of the history of Alice Springs and its foundation. First stop was a visit to the grave of Lassiter, the legendary explorer who having stumbled across a monstrous hunk of gold in the nearby desert sparked a huge gold rush of parties looking to relocate it. Having failed to remember where he found it he stubbornly perished alone in the desert and his remains were not discovered for a further 27 years. Although the gold remains illusive he was at least rewarded with the naming of a highway and with greater pride I'm sure, the neighbour’s coffee shop. Next we visited the grave of Albert Namatjira a famous Aboriginal Artist who was instrumental in the changing of opinions about indigenous people by the skill of his painting. With the help of a German mission in Alice, Albert reversed the widely held opinion that Aborigines were talent less and through his watercolours he inspired many more aborigines and ensured Australia was on the long road to equality.

From the cemetery we were taken to the Flying Doctor station where an old plane lies in memorial to John Flynn who famously set up the airborne emergency service after a doctor had made a gruelling 27 day journey over sea and land to get to a patient only to find he had died 3 days prior. On the doctors return he dryly said to Flynn "I should have flown" and the idea gave Flynn a place on the Aussie $20 bill and unwittingly sparked the populating of Australia’s interior owing to the security of medical assistance. Moving on to the Alice Telegraph station which was once the hub of the monumental project to link all corners of Australia by telephone and also to the ruling lawmakers in England. Near to the renovated telegraph building we walked to Alice Springs itself, a now dry riverbed but at the time of the towns founding the last remains of recent rainfall lay here and were mistaken for a life giving underground spring.

Back at the hostel we ate Kangaroo Curry chatted to newly acquainted friends in Adrian and Libby (Canadian and Aussie living in Sydney) and Dave and Liz (Welsh Medical Students). An early start at sunrise and 22 of us boarded the minibus which set out on a dead straight road to the heart of the desert. During the drive we all had amusing interviews and found out each others names nationalities and much more. Our first stop was Kings Canyon where we bravely commenced a 6km 4 hour walk in 40° blazing sun. Just before the initial steep ascent we past the sign which advised that we were in the Danger Zone for temperature and time of day and exhaustedly rose up through the red layered sandstone cliffs. At the top we learned that Aborigines used the area in times of drought as the sandstone soaked and held huge amounts of water. Enough in fact to support them and astonishingly 2 thirds of Australia’s tree species.

Walking up through domes towers of limestone layers we rounded the lip of the canyon to an impossibly precarious overhang which we all tiptoed onto to have our photos taken. Continuing on the gruelling hot trek we dropped down and up the other side of the canyon via a bridge and some jagged red steps we arrived at the Garden of Eden, a slimy edged green pool of water under the sheer face of the canyon. By this time I was bizarrely beginning to shiver with cold (not a good sign I thought) so despite its unwelcoming appearance, only the addition of a large crocodile would have made us think twice about sliding in to cool off after lunch. With the exception of 3 we all jumped in and swam about watching the light rippled off the water and reflect on the steep walls and laughing at how the water made our limbs look yellow like Simpson’s characters.

After cooling down we set off again for the 45 minutes return hike along the precarious edge where huge slabs of rocks had clearly slipped off under weight of water leaving perfectly smooth sides as if cut with a butter knife. On route we stopped off to place our ears on a sun bleached tree trunk and could miraculously hear running water deep inside the rock via its several hundred metre long route system. All around us shattered sheets of sandstone had exposed rippled layers like sand at the beach during a retreating tide, evidence of a time when central Australia was itself deep under the ocean. At each step inquisitive "earless dragon" lizards scuttled from shady cracks as we took a short detour off the track to view some aboriginal artwork of children’s handprints several thousand years old.

Completely exhausted, we re-boarded the minibus and hit the road for another 150km to Curtin Springs, our camp for the night. Incidentally the owners of the land own 1 million hectares having already given back 2 million hectares to Aborigines. This may sound a lot but you should remember that out here, it requires 16 hectares to support just 1 animal! On route to camp we pulled over at sunset where all 22 of us yelped our way through the thorny bush looking for firewood. In typically simple Australian humour, the small rings of thorns which inflicted pain on most of us are affectionately known as "Teddy bears assholes"! With wood piled and strapped to the trailer we continued past startled kangaroos that had come to feed on short roadside grass now the sun had gone down. This was actually our first sighting of wild kangaroos so it was amazing to see these unique marsupials bounding their way across the road. Incredibly, the female kangaroo can actually freeze the foetus of its child in times of drought for up to 18 months before continuing pregnancy in the right conditions. I imagine that would be a nifty trick in the western world... put it on hold will you love whilst we save a bit of money!

Arriving at camp after dark we immediately got a fire going and sat in a circle under the stars drinking beer and eating for the first time, Chile con Camel! Although all shattered, the dromedary chilli and the company were fantastic and we all had great fun mucking in and getting into our "Swags" (kind of large canvas outer sleeping bags.) and gazing at the stars as we drifted off... 5.30 am, the fire was relit and we quietly rose and packed our gear before driving a further 50km to a roadside stop where we swarmed around a breakfast of weetabix and flame grilled toast with jam and where we were swarmed around by "Spinifex pigeons" (pigeon with a punk Mohawk) and bright green "Port Lincoln Parrots". From the breakfast stop we walked up a nearby red sand dune to gain our first glimpse of Uluru (Ayers Rock to many), the largest monolith on earth glowing red on the flat horizon.

Our destination for the day however was Kata Tjuta (The Olgas to you Ayres Rockers), a huge protruding range of red domed peaks. From a distance, the weathered range looks like a lounging Homer Simpson but up close the individual peaks took on an otherworldly appearance and the pitted red domes made a spectacular contrast to the deep blue sky. The Kata Tjuta range was created by the melting of a 5km ice cap on top of a huge mountain which stood in this area around 450 million years ago and which was taller than Mount Everest. As the ice melted through a dramatic climate shift, it carried millions of tonnes of sediment down both sides of the peak at different rates. It is believed that the faster moving flow amassed a mountainous pile of rocks and boulders which glued together with sand and mud, solidified to form Kata Tjuta. Down the opposing flank, the slower melt water carried smaller sediment which piled up and compacted to form Uluru and that what is visible of Kata Tjuta and Uluru today is only the very tip as it is believed both continue for a further 6km underground. Over millions of years the looser softer sediment and even the mountain itself weathered down to leave the two piles of glacial debris standing proud above the arid plain and left their high iron content exposed to the air making it literally rust and creating their vivid red colouring.

With the sun now high in the sky, we donned our hats and slapped on our sun cream to start a 7.4km trek which wound its way through the towering red nodules of conglomerate rock. On route, our already lovable guide Neisha talked us through the geology of the area and showed us the thorny shrub "dead finish", named for the effect it had on the Europeans hungry livestock. Despite it being a bad choice for lunch, the aborigines still found a use for its razor spikes in the removal of warts by a process of inserting the spines in and around the wart for around 2 hours over a week until it fell off. When in between the valley of the two most prominent peaks, Neisha showed us scores in the rock face where hunting Aborigines had long ago sharpened their spears.

The 4km return walk from the canyon was a gruelling shade less affair in 40° and had all of us gasping for cool air and pouring water over our heads. After what seemed like hours we made it back to the sweltering van and drove to Ayers Rock Resort, a spread of modern high end chalets and apartments for the financially endowed and a small campground for us dusty smelly budgeters. Still we did take pleasure in drinking a few tooeys with our barbequed kangaroo sausage sandwiches and grabbing a well earned shower. From the resort we drove towards the incredible Uluru and stopped at the cultural centre located near its base to wander through a maze of information booths providing in depth detail about Aboriginal life, religion and habits.

Stepping back out to join the flies, we travelled to the base of the huge monolith to part walk around its circumference. Stopping at Wave Rock, an area were eons of time had sculptured a huge and perfect wave in the lower reaches of the rock and at one end the smaller wave formation which was once used as a classroom to teach Aboriginal children about animal tracking skills through paintings. As we stood under the huge wave formation Neisha told us about the Aboriginal initiation into adulthood which for the women involved pregnancy, and for the men the rather less appealing options of having your front teeth
smashed out by a sharp blow with a stick or even less enticing, having their penis sliced in two. With tears in our eyes we drove away from the golden rock to the "Coach sunset point", an unromantic car park which gave you a descent enough view but with a photo unfriendly road running in front. By that time however, a huge cloud had smothered half of the sky and scuppered any hope of seeing the late sun illuminate the red rock face. Slightly disappointed as its not often there are any clouds in these parts, we contented ourselves by drinking some beer and mingling amongst the champagne swilling, cheese eating coach tourists whilst to trying wangle any leftovers.

Once the sun had unemphatically descended we drove out to bush camp which was a small clearing some 3km down a dirt track on Aboriginal land. Although we again felt very tired, we sprung to action to make camp and the boys split off in search of fire wood. Having brought two big chunks back I set off on my own with my head torch and into a strange dusty area where in the distance I saw what appeared to be small lights some 20 metres away. As I got closer it dawned on me that it was probably an animals eyes but as I got within a few feet and strained my eyes I realised it was a spider the size of my fist! I realise that spiders rarely jump or for that matter attack anything vastly larger that it but boy did I run!! As I skipped hysterically back to camp the others were already roasting mallows on the fire and squashing more spiders in and amongst our swags. That night being ridiculously hot I and a couple of others got no sleep at all and sat up drinking with Minsong from South Korea as first rain then wind came in the early hours.

At 4am we rose and stumbled back into the van to drive to the sunset point from the night before for breakfast. Although from this side of Uluru we couldn't see the sun hit the rock face we were delighted to be away from the hoards of coaches which had no doubt travelled to the sunrise car park. Although the sky was still a carpet of cloud the sunrise was quite beautiful with the low sun piercing underneath the gloom and unusual wisps of high cloud making it a peaceful but moody experience. With the sun now up by hidden by cloud we set about walking the 9km around the base of the huge monolith. Although lacking its distinct red hue it was amazing and unexpected to see the holes of erosion on the surface as though it were being eaten away. Up close the smooth surface was striped with vertical layers of sediment where the rock has been twisted 90°.

Passing many sacred aboriginal sites and a water hole where after rare showers, a third of the rain water gushes of the smooth slopes to collect in a deep pool. Moving on round we found more caves of eroded rock where aborigines had painted the insides as they used them for classrooms and marvelled at how the erosion pattern almost looked like lava flow up close. After a leisurely and cool walk around this amazing formation we headed back to the van where Neisha was busy scrawling graffiti over the windows of one of her colleagues vans. Hopping into the front seat this time, we began the 5 hour drive back to Alice Springs and had great fun chatting with our new friends Adrian and Libby and the extremely entertaining Neisha.

Stopping at Mount Ebenezer roadhouse where an Aboriginal art shop sold locally created works and where the amusing owner greeted us with

Welcome terrorists, I mean tourists

. After that and a few other wise cracks he explained that there is a constant battle to stop Aborigines selling their art outside of the store and to spend the proceeds on Alcohol. As we drove away it was clear the battle continues as a clapped out car of Aborigines pulled over and tried to flag us down yielding their paintings. An hour or so on we stopped at some incredibly red sand dunes where from the top we could gaze out across a vast Salt lake, again evidence of Australia’s under sea past.

After an entertaining journey past deserts and road kill we rolled back into Alice Springs and unloaded the van back at Annies Place. After a much needed shower we hit the bar for a party with our new friends. Many beers and a tasty Kangaroo Pie later we stood around to watch the Grand final Rugby match between Brisbane Broncos and Melbourne Storm. Brisbane won to the disappointment of most but save for a huge girl spilling half my jug of beer down me with a swipe of her boobs we had a fantastic night with the group. In particular, we came away feeling that Neisha and Adrian and Libby had become great friends throughout the tour. For some unknown reason we had not imagined our time in Alice Springs to be anything more than a trip to see the giant red rock of Uluru. Impressive as it was, as it turned out, our little side trip into the outback (the middle of whoop whoop) proved to be one of the most enjoyable tours we have been on. Like many examples along the way it has proven to be the company just as much as the place which makes the difference between a good time and a fantastic one.

Although life in the middle of this enormous dry country is in a constant battle to survive and neighbours are few and far between, making friends it seems is easy.

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Photos

Lonely Tree
...it was possible to hear water running through the roots if you held your ear against the trunk.

Lounging Lizard...
...sitting on surface rippled by the ocean millions of years ago.

Driving past Uluru...
...before the clouds came over.

Group shot...
...your attention may be automatically drawn to his face, but if not then please pay particular attention to Dave (4th from right) pulling a 5* Blue Steel pose.

Toasting marshmallows on the campfire.
Burnt my mouth :o(

Adrian, Neisha (our tour guide) and Libby.
It's people like this that make going on a tour into the outback worthwhile.