Far too long in Bangkok

So after finishing my final tour with Intrepid, I headed over to Bangkok on a 12 hour bus journey. I crossed the border into Thailand and thought I'd come home! The wee stops actually had service stations with toilets you could flush! The roads had tarmac! I was like a country girl in the big city, eyes wide, as we drove into Bangkok watching the sunset over the city skyline. I say we, I mean me and the couple of other travellers that had crossed the border by land. We arrived into Bangkok 6.30 and were were dropped off near the Kho San road, as that's the area in Bangkok that all the spotty teenagers, and wannabe spotty teenagers, end up. The Lonley planet describes it as the "flea-pit" of Bangkok and to be honest, its exactly what you'd expect. An area completely devoted to shopping on the cheap, drinking all night, getting the munchies at 2am and generally being unrestricted young people a long way from home. Not my most favourite place in the end, but now being solo, I thought it would be the place to stay.
I arrived full of confidence; I'd booked a place to stay, I knew what to avoid, and I knew where I was going. I walked across the thresh-hold into the hostel I'd booked, (and found without getting lost) and proudly presented myself at the counter.
"I've got a booking" The couple behind the counter looked at me like they'd seen my type plenty of times before.
"No, you dont."
Undeterred I continued, "Yes I do, I did it on The Internet." That should do it, I thought, they'll know who I am, now that I've name dropped The Internet. Ah yes of course The Internet! You must be Hannah Beard, yes we've been expecting you, sorry about the confusion old chap, come right this way... well that was what should have happened. Except it didn't.
"No you don't. We don't take bookings"
Oh, "I booked 6 nights in Baan Sabai youth hostel over The Internet..."
That had been my rookie mistake, I'd booked Baan Sabai Youth Hostel insted of the Guest House, which was where I was stood currently. They got out a map and pointed to where I was now, which was where I thought I was, so I had got something right, it just wasn't where The Internet had put me. The bloody internet...
They showed me where I was supposed to be on the map, waay out on the edge of town, but they wrote it down in Thai for me to show a taxi driver and as I left my planned place to stay, I walked out past one of the travellers who had been on the bus into Bangkok with me. Insted of making much needed friends, I headed away from the hordes of people to find an honest taxi driver, something which took me about half an hour of wandering between cab drivers with exactly the same reaction to the piece of paper I thrust into their hands;
Squint, phonetic sounding aloud; "B AAAN SAABAI..."(que Tut and Gasp) "Very long way, very expensive 500 baht"
"No, meter"
"No no no, very long way 450 baht"
Oh bugger off... My hopefulness in the face of adversity was wearing thin, my pack was bloody heavy and it was bloody hot. Why didn't I just wing it, why did I have to pre plan...
Anyway, I managed to flag down a taxi on the move which is the key to finding honest taxi drivers and he agreed to take me to the youth hostel on the meter. Everything was back on track, I knew where I was going, or at least the cab driver did, and if this place was rubbish I could just cancel the other nights and spend one night there and not loose any met money. So I had a plan and it was all fine, this place can't be that far away anyway.
45 minutes of driving with the freezing air con on full blast, along the very same road I had been so excited to drive into Bangkok on only an hour ago, it didn't look like I was anywhere near the area I needed to be in. Another 15 minutes later and we were driving round the neighbourhood waiting for me to recognise the place i needed to be. Bugger, the taxi driver didn't know where he was going. Well its a Youth Hostel so I can spot it, I just hope its on the main road... 10 minutes later we're still driving around, how big is this neighbourhood? Oh god, maybe i'll just get him to drop me off on the road and I can ask, that meter is getting a big pricey..THERE IT IS! I made my taxi driver jump out of his skin, but it was ok, I'd spotted the Youth Hostel sign, good thing we found it, I'd just about got enough thai cash to pay the guy. I got my bags out of the cab and said what I thought the Thai word for thanks was, but by his baffled expression I hadn't said "Thank You." I wasn't about to stick arounf to find out of it was nonsense or something offending. You had to be careful in Thailand, they cut out your tongue if your rude about their King. In Cambodia, their King is a big ballet dancing poofter and the Cambodians are quite happy to chat to you about it.
Anyway I heaved my heavy bag across the Baan Sabai Youth Hostel floor to the check in desk, "I've made a booking over the internet..." said a bit more meekly this time.
"Name" the sour faced receptionist barked. I could see I still wasn't going to get the ah-you-must-be-tired-come-right-this-way-Miss-Beard treatment.
She flung my key at me, and thrust a hand across herself and without looking up, indictating to the lift.
"Err, I've booked 6 nights but I only want to stay one so could I cancel..." I trailed off. she'd looked up and given me the look. The look that said, "You're a Pain In The Arse." I half expected her to say "No you cannot cancel the other nights stay, now get to your room, and don't make a sound until morning."
Insted she heaved a heavy, long suffering sigh, and banged her pen around and cancelled my other nights reservations.
After my scalding, I made my way up to my room. The place was dead, there was amsaloutly no-one else around, it was the greyest, dampest, dingeyest corridor I'd ever walked along. Oh well maybe I'll have the dorm to myself.
Yep I did, a full dorm with 6 beds in and just me, and a grotty bathroom. But there was a TV and I wasted no time emptying the contents of my bag around the lower bunk. I avoided the insane asian programmes on at 10pm at night, but found one which turned out to be just as insane- Eddy Murphy playing more than his fair share of characters in a film called Norbert. I endured about 15minutes of that before I turned it off and settled down to sleep. At least I was on my own and didn't have to make small talk with strangers, I could have an early night, god I'm knacnkered, but I can and get up and out early in the morning, back to the guest house I was supossed to be in...
My its-all-okay planning was interupted by the lock in the door turning. In walks a rather large lady, sweating profusley and dragging behing her an even bigger bag than mine, which was really something. My 80 litre bag was crammed full to busting and was currenlty weighing in at 20kg. She was an enthused Belgium just arrived from home and was starting out in Bangkok. She wanted to know where I'd been and what I thought and I could give her advice on getting around Cambodia, and what did I think about Vietnam and is there someone else staying here, but whose is all that stuff on the bottom, its ALL yours?? You're on your own too, how old are you? You're 18?? Silence, blessed silence! And off she went for a swim, leaving me in the quiet again. So I set about falling asleep before she came back.
I was oblivious to nothing until a continual rapping on the door threaded itsway through my sleep and brought me back into the grey dorm. What the hell time is it...6am! Who in the name.. I roll over and look down at the Belgium on the lower bunk, nearest to the door, she blearily looks back at me, clearly not about to sit up and open the door. I'll get up then shall I... I clamber down the ladder on the other side of the room, slipping in my silk sleepingbag liner clasped round my waist so I'm not walking across the floor baring my knickers to who-ever the hell is knocking on the door. (The one thing I'd not brought with me in my bag containing everything I could ever possibly need and then some, was pajamas and Ive regretted it every day) I shuffle across the floor and open the door to the scary receptionist who looks me up and down and pulls a smirk at me with my purple sleeping bag liner pulled up round my waist, and pillow marked face.
"Not you, the other one" Oh right, I'll just go back to bed then, and thanks for the unrequested wake up call you old bag.
A few hours later I wake up, again, and clamber down the ladder to find myself face to face with the Belgium packed, fully clothed and clearly waiting fo me to wake up. Off she goes again, she couldn't sleep after that receptioniist wanted that bit of paperwork, she's going to the market now, was I staying here still, No? Neither was she, where was I going to stay? You don't know, oh ok well i'll see you around probably... and off she goes dragging her more-masive-bag-than-mine and sweating profusley.
What a bizarre night.

I arrive back where I started the night before and check into the Baan Sabai Guest House. The room is like a prison cell; a box room- literally- the width of the room is my arms span with one fan, no power points and no windows, but its clean, and cheap and my own little space in Bangkok so I'm happy. After the ritual emptying the contents of my bag round the room, I head out to grab some brekkie and plan the rest of the day. I'll go for a wander and I'll post some stuff home, and then I'll update the blog, it'll be an admin day. My wandering goes well, I check out the Kho San in the daylight, investiate all the back streets that are slightly less commercialsed and manage to keep the tuk tuk drivers at bay. Ive been warned about thai tuk tuk drivers, they take you to the exact places you don't want to go because they get a commision or a petrol voucher. But they're much more insistant than the Cambodian ones. I'm trying to figure out how to get to the other side of Bangkok but by standing in the street looking lost and squinting at a lonley planet I'm creating a massive "young, stupid and hasn't a clue" vibe which the tuk tuk drivers can pick up a mile off. I'm getting quite hassled, which just makes you walk anywhere thats away and pretend you know where your going, pretty soon im totally lost. Being lost is something im now used to so I go and pick a quiet road to squint at the lonley planet in peace. The peace is short lived. Another tuk tuk driver drives up beside me; "no, no I don't want to go anywhere, I'm right where I want to be, no thank you, no.." Another one arrives and I'm collecting bloody tuk tuk drivers again. I start giving the new tuk tuk driver the no speech when he begins to argue with the origional driver in thai over who's going to rip me off. This quickly deteriorates into tuk tuk driver number 2 dragging number 1 across the pavement and trying to strangle him. Riiight, well i'll just leave you boys to it, and off i wander in the opposite direction. I'm squinting at my lonley planet again when a pedestrian stops and asks where I'm heading. I explain my post office mission and he points me towards the local one 2 minutes away from where im stood. Great! He also writes me down the correct pronunciation of "thank you" so I can stop destroying his language with my crap attempt.

After a succesful mission to the post office I head off to find a cheap internet cafe. I wander into one with a sign saying 1 baht a minute and ask the girl at the back of the room how much it is for an hour. She gives me that look and I'm faced with another grumpy receptionist.
"How many minutes are in an hour?" she asks sarcastically.
Is this girl for real? "...60" I'm frowning, she can't be for real.
"So, if its 1 baht a minute, how much is an hour?" The patronising cow. Everyone else puts on a discount for an hours use, they say 1 baht a minute and 30 baht for an hour. It was a perfectly legitimate question!
"Thats far too expensive" and I flounce out, embarresed and flustered. What a cow.
I wander, loosing any sense of direction I had and manage to find a coin slot operated internet cafe that does 80 minutes for 30 baht.
3 hours later I leave just as grumpy as when I entered it, I'd managed to delete almost an entire blog entry with an accidental slip of the finger, and I hadn't managed to ring the parents, and I hadn't sorted out my flights in Australia and it was half 9 and I was starving and I had no idea where I was.
But I managed to find my way back to the hostel and headed out to find something to eat. I was just getting to the end of the restaurant street when I ran into the guy who was in the bus to Bangkok with me.
"Hi!!" I say, a little enthusiastically perhaps.
"Hi, everyone's around somewhere, half of us are going for a drink just down there" he points down the street
"so your welcome to join me and the others for a cheap drink or if you want something to eat then some of them are in this one" and he points to behind him. He obviously thinks I'm some one else, but I'm not going to miss out on some company. I thank him and ask what his name is. He beginning to look a little confused, he's starting to realise I'm not who he thinks I am,
"...Ben"
"Thanks Ben, I'm Hannah, I'll grab something to eat and then I'll join you" He seems happy with this and wanders off. I scan the restaurant and find a table with 5 people who are sat in the area Ben was pointing to, they're a mix of girls and boys, post grads perhaps, they look very cool and like they all know each other really well. Its this or I eat alone, here goes.
"Hi do you guys know Ben? I'm Hannah, I know Ben, he said I should join you for some food, do you mind?" This all comes out a bit quicker and high pitched than I intended but they buy it and I'm in! Well initially anyway.
"Really? You know Ben? How do you know Ben?" Ok so they only half bought it but im sat down now so I'll just go with it.
"Well, I was on the same bus as him from the border into Bangkok..." They know I'm winging it but they see to be ok with it, they also seem to know that I'm much younger than them, but they're ok about this too so Ive got friends for a night!
Later I'm laughing with Ben about our previous conversation, he says he's spent the first night meeting up with new people and couldn't decifer which night I was from. It wasn't till after I wandered into the restaurant he placed me as the girl on the bus. Well it suited me! It was everyone's last night though, so I would be friendless again tomorrow, but never mind, I was having a good time now.

The next day I set about doing the tourist thing. I set off in the direction of the Palace and but soon got way-laid by an enthusiastic Thai teacher who stopped me on the pavement for a chat and on finding out my weak plan of sight seeing action, set about planning my route around the places that are often missed on the tourist trail. It all happened a bit fast; he was saying all the places I should go and marking it out on my lonley planet I was clutching when up rolled a tuk tuk obviously sensing the vibes of a young stupid tourist with no idea of what's going on. I was trying to figure out if this Thai teacher was a con artist or if he was guenuine while he's talking about a Thai holiday, an import export festival and something only being open once a week in a year. He then started haggling with the tuk tuk driver about a price for his personalised route.
"Errr hang on...."
"Not to worry" he soothes "You'll end up at the Palace and it should only cost you 50 baht, never more expensive than that" and he writes down the phrase for "how much" in Thai on my Lonley Planet and bundles me into the tuk tuk, waving me off smiling. I have no idea if Ive just been really lucky or seriously conned. And I have no idea where im going except the indistinugishable scrawl on my map and the thai phrase for "how much." Great, I've just done two of the things the Lonley Planet tells you not to do; I'm in a tuk tuk being driven wildly in rush hour traffic and I'm probably going to some shop where they'll lock me in until I pay lots of money that will leave me stranded in Thailand forever, my Dad's going to kill me... I'm in the middle of panicing a little when I start to notice flags and begin to wonder if this is the thai holiday the teacher was on about.
I arrive at the first temple of the standing Budda, which actually does have a standing buddha and my tuk tuk driver points me in the right direction and says he'll wait outside for me. Ok, maybe this is legitimate. So i get on with my tourist thing and head off to the next stop on my journey. This temple is really quiet and I'm feeling a bit unsure again. Another Thai stops me and asks where i'm from. He asks if I'm a Buddhist and if I'm not a buddhist then how did i know about this temple being open, when its only open once a year. I tell him my story of someone on the street telling me about it. He asks how much I'm paying my tuk tuk driver, and is surprised this clueless tourist managed to get sucha cheap price. Then he asks if i came specially to Bangkok especially for the Thai Import Export festival, no?
"You're very lucky" he says. I'm suddenly very pleased with myself, this was all in my plan all along, I knew it would all be fine, stupid Lonley Planet, it had no idea about this festival thing.
Confident now, I meet my faithful tuk tuk driver and off we go to the Import Export thing. We arrive and although I had no idea what to expect, it certainly wasn't what I found! It was a jewl shop selling rubies and sapphires without tax, "a sure investment" the salesman says. I get a bit worried that I'm not going to be able to leave without buying something, but the guy seems to know that I have no idea what a good jewl, is let alone a good investment and lets me leave after 5 minutes of faining interest. I ask my tuk tuk driver to drop me at the Palace which he does, and I expect him to ask for more than 50 baht but he takes it, points me in the right direction and off he goes. Maybe I got the only honest tuk tuk driver in Bangkok!

After wandering round the Palace I get some lunch and chat to the Thais hanging round the food vendor.
I head off for the otherside of town to find the STA travel in Bankok about extending my flights, I manage to get there thanks to the helpful Thai people who never fail to point me in the right direction.
Annoyingly, the most unhelpful people I spoke to all day was the travel agent at STA who said he couldn't help me to extend my flights home from Oz and I would have to speak to Cathay Pacific personally. Great, I hadn't managed to successfully phone home in about a month, let alone find somewhere to speak to a rip off flight company.
I left the building a bit disgruntled and was stood, once again squinting at my lonley planet trying to find the nearest subway station when another Thai stopped to chat and offer his help. This time he was from a travel agents not very far away would I like to book a one day trip with his company. OK,so I've been lucky today so I'll go with him. Sure as his word, he took me to a travel agents just down the road and the day trip seemed to be legitimate and cheap so I booked it for the next day and headed off back to my hostel.

That night I'm faced with the prospect of dinner alone, so I head out along the Kho San again and plonk myself down with two girls from Canada who were quite happy to adopt me for their last night in Bangkok. They were meeting with some of their friends and in no time at all I was sat among a mixed crowd of people from Europe and Canada. We ended up at Gullivers Inn which was full of drunk teenagers, acting like pillocks. I think it was then that i decided that I wouldn't spend the next night on the Kho San.

An early start the next morning; I was picked up at 7am by the travel company taking me elephant treking and waterfall jumping. I was dressed for what I was expecting to do, so i had my army style walking boots on and long trousers and had enough water to last me a week. The other tourists obviously knew something I didn't because they were in flip flops and shorts. Well at least I'm predictable, always over prepared! You would have thought I was going treking in the Andies! Our first stop was a memorial for the soldiers who died in the seond world war, then we headed out to the Bride Over The River Kwi which was built by the japenese POWs. Then we had lunch on a river and the group was split into those on a day trip and those staying over. After our lunch me and my fellow one dayers went rafting, which was basically sitting on a raft as it floated down stream. Then we drove to the elephant farm and rode an elephant around a field which was good, strangley a bit like riding a camel; the elephant seemed just as bored and pissed off at having to carry tourists around the same field for a bit of banana, but it was a good novelty. Then we headed out to the waterfall which we sat under and generally got wet, which was good because it was damn hot. Then it was back to the hostel.

This time I headed out of the Kho San area and went to a jazz bar called the Saxophone Bar which had a full big band and singer who covered frank sinatra, and Michael Buble's version of songs which suited me down to the ground.

The next two days were spent checking out the so called amazing Bangkok shopping. I went to the famous MBK centre that everyone was going on about but it wasn't really my thing so I went to the cinema insted and watched the Kung Fu Panda, which I admit was quite funny. At the beginning, they played the national anthem and played a "We love our King" propaganda video everyone in the cinema had to stand up with our hands by our sides in silence. It was a bit strange, aparently they do it at the thai boxing aswel.

Wandering back along the Kho San after a quiet meal I ran into Jay, someone I'd met briefly in Sihanoukville in Cambodia who asked if I wanted to go and see Pendulum with him. I'd seen the adverts around town but wasn't keen about going on my own but with someone to go with, I was totally up for it! We planned our meeting point and the next night we set off for our night of drum and bass! You had to be 20 to get in but thankfully, being a girl, I was able to wing it and the bouncer let me in. It was amazing!We got back to our hostel at 3am and I grabbed an hour and a half's sleep before I headed out to Bankok airport to fly to Melbourne. Jay was flying to Perth the same day so we shared a taxi and headed out.

After an uneventful flight of sleeping and watching films, I arrived into Melbourne and wizzed through immigration, I had to declare my straw hat and muddy boots but they let me keep both. I was greeted in arrivals by my second Cousin Bill who picked me up with his wife and off I went, to stay in a house with family and have home cooked meals and have more than one room to live in! Luxury!

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