Prarie Doggin’

Rain & Snow, -1c

I could rave about how crap the last few days have been or I could take the positive approach. Let’s do that: “only when things are at their worst do you see the best in humanity”. That quote sums up what would seemingly be a simple trip thru the Canadian Rockies… or so I thought.
The plan was a good one, get the hell out of Vancouver and make my way towards Toronto so I can earn some cash. I’d travel via a highway that skirts the US/Canada border and avoid the nasty weather I might encounter further north. If the weather was bad I’d dip down into the US and take a less snow-covered highway. I figured it’d take 3 days to reach Chicago where I could relax for a little while. Simple right?!?!

Once Marg left Vancouver I decided to get the hell outta there asap. Not that I didn’t like the city, it was just “our” city and I wanted to leave it that way. Besides, I’d seen enough already and it was time to move on. So I got up early the next morning, scraped the car free of snow, recharged the Ipod and I was gone. I left behind a Vancouver that had been dumped with record amounts of snow, but the weather was all fine and it was blue skies towards where I was headed.

My well-laid plans were in tatters when I learned that my ‘border skirting’ highway had been closed due to snowfalls. The only option (and I mean THE ONLY as all the other roads were closed) was to drive further north and join the Trans-Canada highway. I could take this all the way to Winnipeg, Manitoba where I could dip down to Chicago. It was a done deal and I continued in my front-wheel drive and non-snow tire car. The driving was fine, the roads were salted and there was no ice. Amazing when you consider the scenery was spectacular and covered in snow several metres deep. Frozen lakes, tiny log shacks with smoke drifting from chimneys and trains gliding around massive glaciers - it was inspiring stuff. I was doing great time and I figured I’d arrive in Calgary before sunset. WRONG.

Ever driven 50km wearing gloves and a beanie with your head outside of the car window when it’s -10c?? I have. Apparently there wasn’t anti-freeze in my windscreen wiper fluid. Trucks would spray a mix of dirt / snow on the car windscreen, it’d freeze instantly and there was nothing my wipers could do. I stopped at Revelstoke (the first town I came too) and managed to skid 2km to the nearest hotel. The local roads were all ice and I fish-tailed my way everywhere. Time to ‘get smart’ I figured. The next day I visited an auto store and got some chains & wiper fluid. Nothing was going to stop me this time and I was headed for more mountain ranges. I had the heater on, the radio loud & the engine running…. and I’d locked the keys in the car.

I waited 2 hours for a local I’d been promised “might be able to get my keys”, all the time watching my warm car and listening to music from my Ipod while it was -20c outside. Sixty dollars later the ‘do-it-yourself’ locksmith arrived and within 2mins we were in. Who was I to complain about the cash?? My hands unthawed and the drive from hell began. I’m sure the scenery was wonderful but I missed most of it. I was too busy staring at all the ‘cars that couldn’t’ next to the highway. The road was completely snow covered and every few minutes I’d pass abandoned cars. They had large dents and lay precariously close to the side of the road. BMW’s, VW’s, Subaru’s.. you name it and I saw them. I even drove past some ‘fresh arrivals’ - a truck had hit a car which in turn hit another car and they were all being pushed to the side of the road. I was sure I was on a back road, but no, this was Canada’s biggest highway the ‘Trans-Canada’.

The snow fall became so bad that I was doing 10km/h and there was powdery snow at least 20cm high. I pulled over and put snow chains on. No one else was doing it, but no one else had a front wheel drive car (and strangely enough most of the cars in the ditch were front wheel drive!). It took me 40mins to put on my snow chains. About a dozen friendly Canadians stopped to check on me, “yeah doing fine” I usually replied. That was lie - my hands were numb and I had snow in my eyes. Snow chains are designed to be a pain and I wondered if maybe it was easier to just leave my car in the ditch. Ohh and I could only drive 20km/h with my cheap-skate snow chains I bought (serves me right for being a tight-arse I guess). Day became afternoon and afternoon became night. I beat ‘Rogers Pass’ damn it!!

Taking the snow chains off would be easy I thought. Well.. I unlocked the outer side and drove forward figuring they’d release. They didn’t.. They locked around the axle like a noose and were all twisted on the brake lines. Gloves, torch, beanie, jacket (than another jacket) and 40mins later I’d removed all the wire. The snow chains died that night and never used them again. I arrived into Calgary late and spent the next two nights chilling out with a few friendly aussies. They were earning well over $US 1000 per week working on oil rigs just outside of town (hint: if you want to work 4 days a week and earn lots of cash than come to Calgary). Good times were had at the hostel playing cards and listening to aussie music. The area around the hostel was what I’d describe as ‘ultra bogan’ and the homeless people were very aggressive. Normally they are polite in North America but in Calgary I got threatened a few times for not having cash (hence the reason the hostel was everyone’s destination of choice).

Another day, another car problem - this time barely 5mins outside of Calgary and the car just stopped. The local CAA doesn’t fix cars, it just tows them to a mechanic where you negotiate your own repairs. Luckily the CAA guy was the friendliest in the world (possible overstatement) and the mechanic was okay too (possible understatement). As I was told “we’re all friendly round these parts and we’ll get ya goin”. So within 3 hours my car had a completely new fuel system and my rental agency forked out $2500. There are sometimes you’re glad you don’t own a car.

I drove till I couldn’t drive no more and stopped outside Regina (yes.. it rhymes with ‘vagina’ hehehe). I planned to stay there but it didn’t look too flash so I kept driving (according to CAA man it has the worst crime rate which is odd considering it’s so small). There was more driving next day and the scenery was constantly stuck on ‘repeat’, like the backgrounds in cartoons. Things changed when I got to sunny Winnipeg where it was a slightly cool -29c and snowing. I liked Winnipeg a lot, it’s a vibrant city full of friendly Canadians with a very active college population that keeps things fresh. I stayed a night and experienced enough nightlife as I could handle, but could have easily stayed longer. Instead I crossed the border back into the US and got detained.. well, more like locked in a room and questioned while 4 people went through EVERYTHING in the car. Paranoid would be an understatement and I quickly wondered if maybe I’d accidentally transport 4kg of heroin in my car. I hadn’t. They asked lots of questions and I was convinced I’d be the next David Hicks- shipped off to Cuba and stuck there for the next 5 years. But after 30mins they figured out I was just a weird backpacker and let me go.
If you’ve seen the movie ‘Fargo’ than please skip the next paragraph. I stayed there after my border crossing and the movie is a fairly good indication of the mindset / speech. It’s the least visited state in the US and I swear people thought I was an alien when I talked. “What brings you to this God forsaken place” was one question the motel owner asked. Seems people in North Dakota are very friendly but don’t embrace the cold like Canada. I had dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant (I swear, THE BEST Mexican I'd ever had).
Next stop Minneapolis and there’s not much to say. In fact, there’s not much to do and everyone seemed to be hibernating. The hostel was a dump and most of the residents seemed to not live up to the “international guests only” sign on the wall. They were amazed that I had a car and I was amazed that there were no working showers in the building. I wish I had more time to explore the lakes and the biggest mall in America. Fast forward and I’m in Madison, Wisconsin. You might not of heard of it (and neither had I) but it rates as one of my favourite US cities so far. Completely unexpected, this liberal university city is a small capital with lots of energy. There are little micro-breweries and coffee shops everywhere. This is your typical democrat loving, accepting, environmentally conscious, lake side, football loving, good-friendly hostel town. I’d stay longer if I didn’t have somewhere to be.
Next stop Chicago and closer to my long haul destination - Toronto. Are we there yet?? Are we there yet?? I could never be a truck driver (apart from the fact I’m too skinny).

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