behold the sound of teeth-gnashing

For those of you who did not have the good fortune to catch me on the channel 7 adelaide news wildly gesticulating at jetstar staff, then partaking in an on-camera whinge, our holiday has thus far been (to use a euphemism), a 'character-building' experience.

I won't go into the boring details, but suffice it to say that when an engine fails on your jetstar plane, it is essential that you are an assertive and empowered adult who has english as your first language. And even then you'll have a hard time of it. So, after our arrival in sydney (2.5 hours after our connecting flight to LA had departed), we successfully campaigned for some free digs and ended up in a deluxe suite near the airport. We then undertook the rest of our journey (Sydney-Nadi-LA-Portland) 24 hours late. And, for that festive touch, once we reached Nadi Spud began staging (oral) technicolour productions in toilet bowls and (nasal) productions in tissues. Sorry, I think my euphemistic skills just ebbed.

Thus, upon reaching Portland (which is lovely, leafy, warm and filled with very friendly lefty Americans) our first local destination was the local hospital, where spud was diagnosed with an ear infection, bronchitis, and sinusitis. However, with the assistance of a chest xray, he was cleared of pneumonia. Ching! ching! goes the cash register and if you listen really hard you can also hear tonky praying to the gods of travel insurance that they will take mercy on her. Poor spud remains in bed and I don't reckon he'll be seeing much of Portland given that it just took him 15 minutes to down a thinly sliced banana and half a glass of OJ.

Highlight so far: the cupcake I bought today; and a special mention to the qantas hostie who heard our story and brought us complimentary champagne.

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