Minnesota Aug 23-27, 2012

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I went back to my home state for my sister and my nephews. We had a little small gathering for the remembrance of my mother. It was nice but, of course, always awkward. I met my 1st cousins (my father's brother's kids) for basically the first time. They remembered me but I was too young to recall. I do remember seeing their photos. It is always nice to hear the good moments & memories of my mother's life when she was healthy-both physically and mentally. My mother's cousins were also able to give that to me via facebook, email, and telephone too. I appreciate what she could offer and knew she gave what she was capable of giving. Of course, it is always a joy seeing my nephews. Four boys....oh the happy chaos but they are very well behaved.

I did not see my brother; my sister attempted to contact him and pick him up but no such luck. I have not spoken to him in years. Perhaps for the best. It is what it is.

I visited my half sister at Fort Snelling National Cemetery. She was only about 3 months when she passed. December 23rd of all days (born 1969). Many say that this situation is what created my mother's mental health issues. Which I put myself in her shoes, if I had a 3 month old that died in her sleep (SIDS); even if you know deep down it is not your fault...it is just sometimes easier to place blame somewhere. I do wonder what it would be like if my sister had lived. How would it be to have an older sister. I would imagine things would have been different but this is why we have lessons in life.

While I was in Minnesota I made a point to go to Forts Snelling and visit the site of my grandparents, my uncle that I never knew, and my sister that I never got the chance to meet. My uncle, I remember my mother having good memories of him. It was a tragic and up-in-the-air end to his life. His death certificate still states "homicide/suicide/unknown". He was young but clearly smart. He graduated from University of Minnesota with a degree in Chemical Engineer. His stone states US Army Vietnam, which he was in the army but he did not physically go to Vietnam, instead his needs were better served at the Pentagon which is where he worked. He was only 26 when he passed in 1973 (born 1947). His body was found in a car on the banks of the Mississippi. My mother has always said that he felt Bobby's significant other killed him. Bobby left his life insurance to his SO. When Bobby died, the SO did not go to the funeral, did not call the family. Instead cleaned out Bobby's place, including taking his car and was never heard from again.

Finally I made my way other to my grandparents. I started to cry when I reached my grandma. She was, afterall, the glue that held me together in my childhood years. Sitting on the sofa with her, watching Price is Right, Press Your Luck, Password, etc. I do not know what it was. Perhaps just that grandmotherly care that she gave. Wishing she was here, wondering how life would have been truly different if she lived longer than my grandfather, etc. She passed Oct 29, 1987-buried on Halloween. I remember that my mother did not want me to go to her funeral as it would have been too rough for me. I am still not sure if it would have made a difference other than the last time I remember her was in the hospital with tubes....maybe it would have been better closure. I was 9 at the time...after she died, I wanted to die right along with her since my support was no longer there.

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Photos

Fort Snelling-St. Paul
Robert

Forts Snelling-St. Paul
Lisa

Forts Snelling-St Paul
Grandma & grandpa