Tornado Brain

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There is so much swirling around in my head and my life right now I'm happy I can figure out which way is up long enough to type!
I'm in the process of finishing so many things. The other week I had my last class at the <span>Lehmann Center. All of my students, past and present, were like, "Teacher, teacher, we will miss you! Good luck, Teacher, Thank you, Teacher!!" and they made a card for me that they all signed and gave me a journal that I plan to take with me. I almost cried I was so overwhelmed. And I don't cry at funerals. I'm starting to pack up my apt and give away my stuff. I took a car load to the Goodwill, have had friends lay claim to some things, and have made arrangements with my friend's non-profit, Homeless Against Homelessness, to take the rest at the end of July. I'm keeping what I want in POD storage since I don't know when I'm returning or where I'll be returning to when I make my quiet, yet fanfare-<span>asitc, return to the US of A. I'm making plans and filling my calendar beyond capacity to see everyone one last time before I go, realizing it will never be enough. I've decided sleep, while precious and needed, can wait until... I'm 35. My brain seems to think its 22 again. My body too. For now. It's weird. On one hand, I know that in less than 2 months I'll be leaving this place in gut-<span>wrenching agony, feeling my insides twist and contort in ways I didn't thing were scientifically possible, leaving behind all life as I know it. Safety, security, guaranteed contentment. Gone. The idea is mind-numbing. It's like a slowly delayed shock. Like right as you're getting into a car accident and it all goes slow-mo on you and you brace yourself for the guaranteed impact... and then you miss by 6 inches, and have to lean forward to see and believe. And you're almost afraid to breathe a sigh of relief just in case it is a dream. And then you try to gather yourself together enough to put the car in gear and keep going... The clutch bears a parallel to my life in so many ways. This is going to hurt like hell. But I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

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