Ood, Ood and the Bluey's do the USA, Week one

Hi Y’all. So I’ve decided to write my own crude version of a travel blog. Obviously it won’t be as good as Gem’s but hopefully it will sufficiently keep you all up to date to what we’re getting up to. Thank you Emma for the travel journal, without that none of this could be possible!

Writing inspirations - Angela Lansbury as Jessica Fletcher in Murder She wrote.

Week One - Miami, Fort Lauderdale - Everglades, Daytona Beach, Gainesville.


First Day-O
16.03.09 / 17.03.09


We arrived at Miami airport around 7pm local time, so around 11pm Derbizle time. We both of course switched our phones on straight away and sent our worrying mothers a text which they forwarded on to the whole world to let them know we were ok. I got a text from mum asking about a million questions which of course I couldn’t answer as it was soooo expensive to send a text. I got a text from Julie saying she was lying in bed with Eric which made me smile.
We went through to customs and I spoke to my first American person and actually managed not to copy their accent and kept my own brilliant way of speaking. It was only for about 4 seconds but I was proud of myself!
When we walked out of the air conned airport the heat hit us. Before I’d not really thought about it as the airport was so cool but as soon as we walked outside it was like someone had sucked out all of the fresh air. This was only amplified by the fact that we felt so shite due to the 9 and a half our flight - which wasn’t that bad to be honest as I managed to watch 4 films, get in!
Gem and I both watched ‘When the Earth Stood Still’ and ‘Nick and Norah’s Infinite Play List’ together and then I watched ‘My Best Friends Girl’ and ‘The Reader’ - very good, not what I expected mum after your inaccurate description! Gem watched ‘Twilight’ and as we were about to land they cut off the film with like 2 second to spare, it was very funny for me, HAHAHAHA!!
We had our first experience of the USA as we got a yellow cab to the hostel. The guy drove like an American, and by this I mean he didn’t have to follow any driving rules like signalling but then no other driver did either so he got into a beeping / bitching match with this huge pickup - lovely, but mother, father we got there safe and sound so nothing to worry about!
We checked in to the Clay Hostel, we found our room and of course I keys didn’t work. They continued not to work even though we went back 3 times to sort it out! Then our German roomies (as we found out later) walked past and told us we were at the wrong door for room 10 and there was actually another tucked away, hahahaha how we laugh about it now!
The room was like a 12 bed all girl dorm and they had spread their shite out across the room like their bags had exploded so it was quite hard to tell what beds were free. I had to go for a top bunk which I was convinced I was going to fall out of in the middle of the night as there was nothing to stop you from doing so. The room was also boiling and the aircon seemed not to be working and Gem had said that it was rubbish compared to what she had stayed in before but I obviously have no comparison so apart from the bathroom floor being black with dirt I didn’t mind it.
Our first night out we both felt like crap so our first beer / JD and coke (for Gem) didn’t really do it for us. We walked around for a while trying to find the beach but we realised we were actually walking about 9 blocks in the completely wrong direction so we gave up and turned back.
The hostel rooms are in this Spanish type villa set off this really touristy busy but cool street with restaurants back to back and trendy clothes shops dotted around.
Once we looking into it, and by ‘we’ I mean Gem, we actually did find the beach and it was like a minute away.

When we got back to the hostel on the first night I found that I was kicked out of my bed and some other fucker had taken it. The room was split into two with the bathroom in the middle. Gem was in the smaller of the 2 rooms where I was supposed to be but as I was kicked to the curb I had to sleep in the bigger room with people still milling around with the light on! We were both royally knackered so we needed to sleep but there was some woman in there that looked like she had taken residence and she was in no hurry to sleep so thank the lord I remembered that good old Virgin had given us this free flying pack with all sorts of crap in it including an eye mask. Honestly if it weren’t for that eye mask I wouldn’t have slept at all! Gem said I looked like a pre-madonna when she saw me in the morning.
3am that morning, obviously when I was asleep this woman came back who was slightly older and a lot crazier and started shouting and swearing at the woman who had taken residence aka Resident Evil (as Gem and I called her) about turning the aircon off. It was all very unnecessary and not just because it woke me up, I was just glad I had my eye mask so I could pretend I was still asleep. That crazy woman went on to have an argument with 2 other girls in our room and continued to bicker with Resident Evil till she left on our second day, we of course thought it was very funny.

The next day, our first full day in Miami I woke about 8am which I thought was early but Gem had already been up and out for an hour while I slept like a pre-madonna.
I got up, washed and dressed and was in a focused mood…ha! Mother, James and Howard that was for your benefit, I would never write such boring crap unless I was writing the logs!
Anyway, we went to the beach and it was awesome. Fookin hot and really beautiful. It was like 10am so it wasn’t so busy. I donned my bikini top and makeshift bikini bottoms aka Matalan pants which were brilliant and looked a treat until I got into the sea and they were not quite as tightly-fitted as I had hoped when swimming as they billowed slightly. Team that with my poorly supporting bikini bra, you have quite unsuccessful swimwear which just meant I had to sunbathe more. The sea was lovely though, warm once you got used to it. I really wanted to get a beach ball and play “one knee, two knee.”
We sunbathed for about three hours and I used loads of factor 30 but I think you need to take a degree in how to apply it properly as I of course burnt, but more specifically burnt in random places, in bright red patches. On my leg I had a strip of red with a very clear thumb print where I had managed to get lotion on only that bit. It didn’t hurt but it was very funny, especially when taking photos of it later. I looked like a typical pasty British tourist with my lily white legs getting redder instead of brown.

There was also a lot of pervage on the beach of course. And not to sound like pervs so much, we used a clock system “Dude, 3 o’clock, hot?” This developed into a word we could say and know instantly what it meant. After some deliberation, drinking several bud lights we settled on “sensione” which doesn’t mean anything but in my crude English way I tried to copy some of Gem’s Italian from this song she was singing and the actual word is “sensazione” which means sensation. Anyway, she thought it was very funny and with some tenuous link sensione became our code word for fit bird. That night we wanted to drink cheap so we got a couple of six packs of Bud Light from the market and played shithead on the table outside of our room and chatted bollocks. It was very cool. Also we met and started chatting to one of our roomies, Denise, from Germany, one of the more sociable German travellers. She was really cool.
We also got chatting to Matt from Germany, travelling on his own. He was really friendly; he thought he struggled with his English. We understood him though and sat chatting with him for quite a while. As best I could understand him, he was studying / working in social work and he was saying how it was really difficult working with a supportive team that back you up. I thought it was really interesting as that’s how it is in England. Highground being the exception, of course.
After several beers we trotted off to find a lesbo bar as promoted by good old Lonely Planet. But as it turned out it was just for the poofs of the world so strangely enough, we decided against it. We were however told about this possible gay bar on Ocean Drive, right on the seafront called the Palace, and the manager was a French lesbian. We went off for a look and once we found the bar we knew it was the right place as the French bar bird was a screaming dyke, a blind man could have pointed her out as a big gay-o. She was lovely though and had lived in London for about 18 years so was loving our Englishness. She introduced us to her bird and their friend, also a big dyke with a pink Mohawk. Check the photos yo! This Mohawk bird was quite intense. Everything was about being gay and she fucking loved herself. She was entertaining enough though - not dissimilar to the Derby gay scene!
By the time the bar was closing, Mohawk bird had decided that Gem would be a good notch on her big gay bedpost and from that point on she was like a dog with a bone! Her and another lesbian who had bought along her dog (lesbians!) drove us to another bar where Dog Bird managed to park her massive 4x4 into the SMALLEST car space. I couldn’t have fit my Corsa in there, but that might possibly be saying more about my driving!

Anywho, later on that night we were sat outside another bar with French bird - Doris, her bird - Heather, and Mohawk bird - I have no idea of her name.
Gem had told me that she had read a weather report that it might rain. No word of a fucking lie, the heavens opened. It wasn’t any of that “fine rain that soaks you right through” bollocks, it was full on, football-sized raindrops that came out of nowhere and within literally ten minutes Lincoln Road was flooded above our ankles! It was ridiculous. We tried to wait it out but it wasn’t letting up so Doris aka Frenchie offered to drive us back to the hostel but we still had to make it back to her jeep. I was wearing sandals with zero grip, jeans and a white vest, that was all. And Gem was practically wearing the same thing. We ran for it and her car was only five minutes away but we got absolutely drenched. We squelched into our room at 2.30am like drowned rats, peeled off our clothes and hung them all over the room like a Chinese laundry then hit the hay.



Day Two-O
18-03-09


As it pissed it down the night before we had little hope for the hot sun we got during the previous day and we were right to think so. It wasn’t cold, it was quite humid, the rain had stopped but it was all a bit drizzly and not what you want from Miami, but alas you can’t control the weather.
As we couldn’t fry like bacon on the beach and by “we” I mean me, we went off to find Miami public library. This was of course to fulfil Gem’s obsession with wanking over all public libraries, but also to abuse the free internet access! We signed up and got guest cards, which only added to Gem’s wanking material and of course signed into Facebook. Amazingly Mother you were actually online which was very cool as we got to IM each other like I was only in the next room! It was like 2.30pm in Miami so 7pmish Derbizzle time. Julie I of course hoped you would have been around too, but as I had guessed due to the time you were at the gym!! Couldn’t believe it, I thought how ironic how I distract you from going to the gym when I am at home and that’s where you are the only time I’m online! Haha, just goes to show that gyms are bad for you!
It was cool chatting to you though Ma! It was all a bit mad trying to write so much so fast and upload photos all at once on a time limit.
Mum - No, I’m not spending too much too soon, and I’m putting on lots of sun screen!
Dad - No, I’ve not seen CSI man, however we are going to the Everglades so maybe we’ll spot a floating corpse in the water on a guided tour and we have to call him.

Earlier that day we had also buggered about the beach even though it was really cold, not UK-cold, but I was shivering. I’m a bit of a wimp though.
Anyway we decided to write a Mother’s Day message in the sand and take a picture of it to e-mail home on the 22nd. I don’t know how successful this was though as it was a bit cock-eyed as we had done it too big so you couldn’t really see it on the camera. Hope you like it Mummy and MT.

Before going out that night we went and chilled back at the hostel. By this time we had a new roomie, an American girl called Gea from Detroit. Gem had gone off to the bank so Gea and I sat chatting about all sorts of crap. It was really cool. She’s really outgoing and really loud but in a brilliant way, not in an obnoxious American way. She’s also really funny and easy to get on with, the kind of person you hope to meet when travelling.

So, that was me, Gem and Gea sharing a room when fourth roomie Mpho arrived. Half South African / half Zimbabwean, born in London, living in Brighton, with family in Dallas, in Miami on holiday. She was very inquisitive but not in a “shut the fuck up asking so many questions” kind of a way. While we were acting like idiots she was laughing along and chatting. It was all very cool and spirits were high.
Gem and I went off to get burritos which was slightly off the touristy beaten track in the back end of beyond.
On the way back we picked up some gin from the local liquor store. This came in a brown paper bag which I of course took full advantage of and utilised for a photo opportunity! It was the dirtiest, cheapest gin though and when we took it back to the room and started doing shots, it made our eyes bleed as it was like drinking turps. So obviously we got others involved, to join in the pain, err, I mean fun. Denise, the German girl joined in, and by the end of the night she was nicknamed “Germany.” Unique, I know but it was funny at the time. Two British girls who had just arrived also had a drink, they were called Kat and Lauren and I could not remember their names which I kept telling them for some reason. They were living in Texas as exchange students from Notts and they ended up inviting us to go and stay with them, so we might be doing that along the way.
Another new girl, Jess from Brazil arrived. She was quite quiet but wasn’t scared off by our continued fucking around, which was good! She also gave us some mp3 speakers as she had an unwanted pair, which was cool, so we rewarded / damaged her with a gin and lemonade. Lots of photos were taken, it was so fucking funny that night, and this was before we had even gone out.

We had convinced Germany to come out and we dragged her along to the same bar as the previous night, Palace. There was a Lesbian night on and we were invited back by Frenchy and co. On the way we bumped into Gea and she tagged along for the ride. It was a right laugh. We didn’t drink much while we were there as it was so expensive! Doris aka Frenchie bought us a drink on the house which was lovely and we danced and chatted bollocks. This random bird was talking to me about maxi pads (sanitary towels) I have no idea why. Doris was the DJ for the night and she played loads of British songs like Blur in our honour, it was wicked.



Day Three-O
19-03-09


So it’s the day we pick up the car and we obviously haven’t planned on a way to get to the airport so the idea was to walk to the info centre to see if they could suggest anything. I woke early and I caught the eye of Gea also awake, so we sat up chatting about the night before and for some reason, Gea’s love for pickles, see picture for example.
Gem woke with a hangover and we started to get our things together. We had been given a tip by Resident Evil that if we went to the Apple store we could use the internet for free, so obviously we went as we were going to take full advantage. No one was online so I left a couple of wall messages to Julie and Mother, of course and we headed back to finish packing. We said our goodbyes to Gea and Mpho and we swapped full details with everybody. We dropped our bags off at reception and trotted off to the info centre. A very unhelpful woman who shouldn’t be working in customer service helped us, we got the proverbial blood from the stone and headed back to the hostel where we bumped into Germany and Jess and said goodbye as they were asleep before.
We decided to get a cab in the end as it would have taken an hour on the bus with two changes - fuck that noise! Our cabby was this old black guy, err, sorry African American guy who was very philosophical telling us to take it easy on the roads and not to rush life, etc etc.
We got to the car hire place and I had reserved the car with my details which was very silly as I am under 25 and there would have been a young driver’s fee of $25 a day! Luckily though we swapped it over to Gem’s name and the woman showed us a selection of cars to choose from. They were all the same - four door Kia’s but in different colours. They were all beige and white apart from a red one and a blue one. We both straight away went for the blue one and from then on he was known as Bluey. Gem got the first drive, as obviously I wasn’t technically allowed to drive it but like I wasn’t going to drive! Gem didn’t really want to drive straightaway and I was chomping at the bit so we got out of sight of the rental place and swapped over. Gem went through the automatic way of driving which took two seconds, and off we went. It was VERY weird, not just driving on the other side of the road, as you get used to that pretty quickly, it was learning their rules of the road that I found took longer to master.
All the junctions are like cross roads, aka intersections so you have traffic coming from EVERYWHERE. If your light is on red but you are turning right, you can still go without the indication of a traffic light arrow if the road to the left is clear, but also, that the road opposite to the left of you is also clear as they have right of way. A couple of times I nearly got caught out and had to put the brakes on but got used to it. Don’t worry Ma and Pa, we’re okay.
We hadn’t planned anywhere to go other than Fort Lauderdale and that is quite a large place. All we had was the name and an address of a hostel and without a street map of that area it was quite difficult to navigate. It takes around an hour to drive from Miami to Ft Lauderdale and it took us another hour on top of that to find the hostel. We asked for directions and as soon as we knew where we were headed the pressure was lifted. I was feeling incredibly anxious as we were completely dropped in at the deep end driving wise! I text Julie and it made me feel better.
We tried to go to two other hostels but they were both closed before we arrived at the Bridge 2 hostel. This was very cool as we couldn’t believe how much we got for our money. We had a little kitchenette attached to a TV room with a sofa and dining table with bedrooms etc in the back; it was luxury compared. We decided to take full advantage of the kitchen so we went to the local supermarket where we bought lots of vegan friendly food. To make this more carnivore friendly however I also bought some corned beef to throw into the mix. To be honest the meal didn’t need it at all, but the leftover corned beef made a lovely breakfast the next day much to Gem’s disgust.
Gem added this next bit - By the way, Gem cooked all on her own without any help from me as I am a selfish bastard.
That night we just chilled out writing as after the Miami madness we were wiped. I was dying to go onto the internet to chat to Julie as I had missed her before but as our luck would have it our internet went down all night - gutted!
I curled up in a ball and just wrote for ages and Gem danced around the room with a hat that she found, whilst also re-arranged teddy bears into different sexual positions.
Other than that we didn’t do anything and our bodies needed the rest!



Day Four-O
20-03-09


We woke pretty early in Ft Lauderdale to get our directions sorted and not to repeat yesterday’s directional fuckeries! We had said previously that we both wanted to go the Everglades, aka CSI Miami dead body territory. We realised however that most of the Everglades is towards the south near Miami and we had completely driven past it. We didn’t see this as defeat though and somehow found this coupon for the Everglades Holiday Park only 30 minutes away from where we were staying so obviously we chose to go there.
We arrived and paid up for the airboat tour and as we were waiting for ours to start I noticed this guy with a D300 camera, mine being the D200, the model below. I was having a look and the guy caught my eye and we started chatting about geeky camera things. His name was Keith, a big American guy about 50 years old. He turned out to be one of the airboat captains who was off duty, he also works as a freelance photographer and was going out to take some wildlife shots in his spare time. I of course asked where would be best to take photos and he gave us some insider tips to sit on the left and there we would see all of the best stuff. He was very cool, he gave me his card and we have since befriended each other on Facebook. He was on our boat as well so was pointing loads of stuff out. He also took our picture which he has tagged us in on Facebook.
The airboat tour lasted about an hour and we were gliding slow through most parts while the airboat captain pointed out such things as iguanas, exotic birds and rare Everglade tree fluff - not its official name I’m sure, but apparently it’s very rare and very exciting as I’m sure you can imagine! The more exciting bit was to come later just after the speedy boat ride part where we thought we were going to fall out of the boat. Still fun, though. Luckily the boat captain spotted some gators, two of them chilaxing in the water. Everyone on the boat went snap happy. Keith was right, the left was definitely the side to sit as the boat butted up next to the gator almost alongside where I was sitting, and I got some brilliant shots. The captain said don’t hang any cameras over the gators head, obviously we weren’t going to anyway but then for audience appreciation he started to poke the gator on the nose so he would give us a teethy smile, the gator performed and I got some even better photos. By this point though, Gem was getting accosted by some loud American dude leering all over her, accusing her of ruining his shots - rude prick! The whole boat ride trip was really cool though, definitely worth doing and going out of our way for. There was also an alligator show for about 15 minutes after where this crazy American guy proceeded to wrestle gators and put his head inside one of their mouths. We took lots of photos of course, at one point he referred to us as the paparazzi. He was really funny and equally as sarcastic which is rare in the US, almost as rare as Everglade tree fluff.
Our next destination on the map was Daytona Beach, five hours away from where we were in Ft Lauderdale.
Now, keep in mind we only picked up the car yesterday and that was a headfuck enough after driving for only one hour. We half said that if we needed to, we would stop somewhere closer but where’s the fun in that! We ended up driving the entire five hour journey in one go, with a small pit stop in the middle for gas - which was comparable to rocket science trying to figure out their system of a simple “money for petrol” transaction! - It is not the same as we do it.
The distances seem mad thinking about it now but its so easy to drive automatic and the interstate aka motorway is just straight and long so the only thing you have to worry about is a VERY sore arse and driver’s cramp in your right leg - Dad I’m sure you know what I’m talking about or maybe not as maybe you have cruise control, I wish we fucking did!

Our first night in Daytona Beach we were knackered, understandably I would say. We hit up our coupon book to look for cheap motels as there were no hostels in that area! We ended up in the Red Carpet Inn, by the name I am sure you can picture this classy establishment!! It was fine though, it just smelt weird as there was some confusion as to whether Gem did smoke and that we didn’t want a smoking room, we have not made that same mistake again!!!
We began what seems to have become a tradition of jumping on motel beds, putting the camera on self timer and taking a photo, not that we’re juvenile or anything.

We were starving so we went out for Mexican and took part in our first jaywalking experience i.e. crossing the road while not at a pedestrian crossing, but as these crossings were about a mile away so as if!
At the Mexican Gem ordered the refried beans and much to her anti-vegan beliefs but to my amusement they had sprinkled cheese on top so she began picking it off, tiny piece by tiny piece. I found it hilarious. I of course took a photo, so that’s what that is!
We headed back to the motel and watched this “channel 5” film that Gem advised would be good (hmm) and we got some sleep for more, hopefully beach fun, tomorrow.



Day Five-O
21.03.09


We woke up at “shit carpet motel” and decided not to stay there another night as not only was it shit (which we could get over if its cheap enough and located better) but this was neither and not near anything remotely pub-like.
We decided to hit up the library for some free internet action and to sort directions and we stumbled upon a flea market which of course I was immediately intrigued by as I am the ultimate car boot kid.
Gem bought about a million books for about 30 cents and we got a Natalie Imbruglia CD “Caught in the middle” for a dollar which we would later regret; I have NEVER heard one album repeated so much and still not recognised any of the songs. She should have called it “The Ultimate White Noise Collection.”.
I also got a baseball mitt and ball for $2 (see pick) Brilliant! It will fit right in with the rest of my shite.
We drove off and found a motel that would actually accept a coupon (or so we thought.) apparently coupons become void for spring break week. We couldn’t check in till 3pm though and as this hotel was on the beachfront we decided to hit up some sand action. This time I properly applied about five layers of lotion so as not to repeat the “Miami Sunburn Disaster of 2009.”
It wasn’t as warm as before in Miami but we still caught some rays. We were unfortunately slightly offset from the part of the beach where you could drive your car so we constantly had cruisers driving past, ultimately showing off how small their penises were by way of their wide load 4X4s.
We went back in at 2.30pm to a MASSIVE check in queue which obviously took forever. I realised this when Gem kept telling me she had reached the menopause!
When we did finally get to the check in desk an hour later they told us they weren’t actually taking coupons and the price would have gone up to $79.99. We were obviously pissed off so Gem decided to vent her anger by stealing their pen.

We decided to stay closer to where we would be going out that night, (as opposed to the beach) so rolled up upon the Budget Inn, identical really to the Red Carpet but better in location, the only problem was their horrendous shower. The pressure was so intense it was like a thousand tiny bullets being fired at you and if one of these bullets were to catch a nipple, which it did, you would have to check if it was still there after. I have never had a shower before where I have tried to dodge the water.

We called a cab to take us to el gay-o bar after we had had a fair bit of alcohol in the room. We befriended our taxi man Art, who was very cool as he told us the bar we wanted to go to was now Papis - a ‘bring your own’ Bottle bar, and instead recommended Streamline. We of course took his advice and headed off to Daytona’s only known gay bar and it was dead!
A couple of rough looking lady specimens propped up the bar, so we chose to do the same thing, obviously out of arm’s reach of the rancid talent perving our way. It was very cheap there so we proceeded to get very pissed and watched the most horrendous drag show. The guy had bigger tits than me (That’s not hard I hear you saying) and he wasn’t afraid to flash us.
We made friends with and took hundreds of photos of two gay guys Matt and his boyfriend trying to win a stripping contest. They only won however as it was judged on audience participation and Gem and I howled the place down as we liked the guys but also Matt had offered us a place to crash in New York.
Whilst getting pissed we of course continued to commentate on rancerific bird at the bar. At one point I was taking photos “of Gem” but secretly taking photos of this Daytona Beach dyke to send back to the ladies to keep them very much informed of all USA lesbo action.
By this point this “girl” had sent over a drink for Gem, very American style. Obviously Gem couldn’t reject it and had to go and say thank you, all the while both of us were laughing to ourselves to what we had just been saying about her. We weren’t been unnecessarily catty though, as she turned out to be the biggest, lechiest biatch. When her advances weren’t being met by Gem she tried to hit on me, at one point playing with my fingers and trying to hold my hand. I screamed internally and told her I had a girlfriend back home and then proceeded to run off.
I was chatting to some random guy about being British, a popular subject in the US when all of a sudden I looked around and saw Gem outside sitting on the step looking a bit worse for wear. Apparently she had just been sick; I wasn’t sorry I missed that, and was barely coherent. Me being a very good best Ood, went on a mission to find vegan fast food. I got a good tip from a drag queen who sent us over to Wendy’s - a cheap KFC / Maccy D’s. Obviously on the surface not very good for vegans but they did have a very ‘tasty’ veggie burger which consisted of bread, lettuce and onion. Team that with fries and you have a “Gem’s sober me up kit.”
Whilst I was ordering I had to prop her up on a chair closest to the toilet which I think she utilised for vomiting purposes. It was very funny, in a sympathetic way of course. I wish I had taken photos. I couldn’t believe I was the one who wasn’t pissed like that. It makes a nice change.
I called Art our new taxi man friend but he was on a long job to Jacksonville so he sent us his friend who arrived promptly and I chatted to him about driving styles USA vs. UK while Gem dribbled on her shoulder.
Art did later call us to see if we had been picked up ok, how sweet, what taxi man in England would do that?!




Day Six-O
22.03.09


We woke early as we had to be out of the room by 10 o’clock. This was a painful experience for Gem as she was sooo hungover! I didn’t feel too bad which I was amazed about.

Gem is a big fan of the film ‘Monster’ which for those of you that don’t know is based on a true story of Aileen Wuornos and how she was a hooker, then was raped and then went on this killing spree. Anyway all of this happened in the area that were staying, in the 1980’s and the bar that she drank at, was arrested at and that was in the movie was still going so we took a drive over to check it out. It had loads of film memorabilia dotted around so we knew it was the place, that and the fact it was in the film! We took loads of photos outside the place and around the yard. There was this massive tree / motorbike sculpture that looked like art inspired by the films ‘Sleepy Hollow’ and ‘Any Which Way But Loose’. It was very weird. The whole place was really interesting but made me feel funny knowing all of its history. We weren’t going to go in as it was still a massive biker bar and who knows what one of those would be like. The bar man called us in though when he saw that we were leaving to see if wanted to ask any questions as it was obvious why we and any other none biker visitors would go there.
His name was Cannonball, possibly not his christened name. He had strong similarities to Bubba aka Gemma Marmalade in drag. He has loads of tattoos including a naked lady which also reminded me of the Marmalades so I asked if I could take his photo and he obliged, those photos are for you Mel and Gem.
I took load more picks of him, inside his bar and of the individually hand painted bricks, including one by Aileen herself declaring that she was raped. Gem chatted to him and picked his brain about the whole thing.

So it’s the 22nd, Mothers Day and the time to put out plan into action. The shit ‘happy mothers day in the sand’ picks had been Photoshoped by Rich via the wonders of email (to ‘burn in’ the writing on the sand to become more visible) so that was that sorted - thanks Bro! I now just had to figure out an ingenious way present mother dearest with it. Luckily I remembered I knew her password to Facebook, so I logged on and changed her profile pick - fucking brilliant I say!
The library wasn’t open for ages so we bummed around at the beach and at the park till that bad boy opened and we got it sorted - best daughter ever!
Hope u liked it Mum Mar?!

The day before we had decided we needed a call phone so it would be easier to make phone calls while were here so we went off to the local Radio Shack. We got a $15 blue flip phone that Gem instantly fell in love with.
Now, our car is called Bluey so it would be silly to also nick name our cell Bluey too. As it turns out though we are silly bastards so cell phone became Bluey also and was later known as Baby Bluey. Whilst at Radio Shack buying Baby Bluey I found my eyes gravitating towards a tiny 10.1” laptop, also blue - you might see where this is going! The salesman Bill, helping us was really cool who new a lot about everything as well as everyone as apparently he knew Barry White before he died! Hmmm…but that is unimportant to this riveting story!
I was asking all sorts of questions about the laptop but I thought nah. For the rest of the day though and the next day aka Mothers Day I was thinking about it and weighing up the pros and cons with Gem. After successful library / Mothers Day action we decided to go back and have a look and see if he would give us any free shit. As it turns out he would, he put on Microsoft Office and Photoshop for free and added loads of songs and a couple of movies to itunes. When he said he would throw in a free bag I new I was sold. He ‘rung me up’ and I was the proud new owner of a baby laptop, later to be known as Bluey Jnr, we like to stick with a theme occasionally when giving nick names.

After that we drove to Gainesville we arrived at out new digs for at least the first night; The Zen Hostel. Gem told me that this wasn’t like the other hostels as the fee is classed as a donation, but really you do have to offer something and there might be chores etc.
We were shown around by Toby the owner and it was becoming more apparent that it was some kind of hippy commune, for example the first people we met other than
Toby were Sunflower and her 6 year old son Ocean who we completely thought was a girl. Nice enough people but of course we gave them nick names Sunlotion and Oceanic Flight 402, obviously not to their faces though!
Also some of the rules were that if we wanted to we could possible have one beer IF we sat outside and that Gem wasn’t allowed to smoke on the premises at all, not even in the yard, so basically we were both fucked.
Yes the place was different but it was cool to try new things - that and there was no other hostel in the whole of Gainesville.
It was Sunday and we were thinking of staying Monday as well so of course Toby was telling us that the only 2 days out of the week that the town is dead is Sunday and Monday, just out luck!
We obviously didn’t let that deter us though and went off to find yet another gay bar - UC, University Club. Unfortunately though it was closed, where’s Derby’s banging gay Sundays when you need them?!
We looked for the nearest place that had its fluorescent lights on and we found Top Bar. It was like a very chilled out kind of sports bar without any of the sports memorabilia dotted around. We sat at the bar and we were served by miserable bar bitch, as she was later named. We sat next to a couple of guys whose ears pricked up when they heard our accents. One of them, Evan was drinking Guiness, not commonly found in the US so was straight away a talking point. The other guy Jonathan was gay so when the conversation turned to gayness as it inevitably does he sparked a conversation about how gay men are represented on TV / film. You could tell that this was a really important issue to him but that he didn’t get a lot of opportunity to discuss it. We did chat about other crap with them though and had a laugh and a joke with them for ages. I found out that it was Evan’s Birthday the next day so of course we swapped details and arranged to meet for drinks.
It was only 11pm but it was closing time in all of Gainesville as apparently it’s the law there that you cant sell liquor past 11pm as its Gods day, or something to that effect. Before we left though Evan paid for us to have a photo booth picture taken. It was one that took 4 individual shots as apposed to 4 identical ones. I said we all had to get in, much to Evans dislike but I dragged him in anyway. I however put the money in and stupidly thought there would be a start button, er no! I was stood inside the booth with pint in hand and Gem, Evan and Jon were stood outside when it started to go off. We all clambered inside as fast as we could but it was all over in a flash. It was fucking funny. The first pick is just of my belly and pint and the rest are of Gems face in the middle of the frame with bits of out chins and ears poking in. It’s definitely a keeper for the old memories.


Well that’s all folks - well for the first week anyway. I have never written so much, even for my dissertation and we’ve still got 11 more weeks to go!
Hope you like it and it gives you a little snippet to what’s going on here!

Miss you

Sarah :D

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